kids are funny

Rider has taken it upon himself to create a new fashion statement of his own. And he seriously WILL NOT TAKE THIS OFF HIS HEAD.

It’s hysterical. When I try to take it off, he gets REALLY upset. Like, screaming, tantrum throwing, I just removed his soul from his body kind of upset. So, I obviously let him run around with it on his head. I’m not quite sure what he thinks it is, BUT it’s pretty hysterical to watch. Kids are so funny. My Rider-man never ceases to amaze me. His bubbly little spirit and fun energy keeps us all smiling all day.

I’m simply in love with him.

swim lessons, 2012

This post should appropriately be titled, ‘Swim Lessons, 2012 AKA Cruz hates his life’. This kid seriously, SERIOUSLY HATES swimming lessons. But his teacher is awesome and I just really, STRONGLY believe that it should be a law that EVERY kid gets swim lessons. Drowning shouldn’t even be an option!! Gosh, that freaks me out in a state where EVERYONE has pools in their backyards. Well, we put him in swim last year and he SCREAMED the entire time. I mean, I understand it can be quite unsettling as a little kid. And I even remember loving the water when I was a kid, but not being particularly fond of swim lessons. But he really hates it.

But he’s gotta swim, so we go back.

And he’s really getting the hang of it! I’m so proud of him. This year, he wimpers a little bit when we get there, he cries when the instructor pulls him in for the first time, and then he’s actually ok. And does a great job. It’s nice that he’s an entire year older because I feel like he understands things A LOT better. Last year I think he was slightly confused. HA. Poor kid. But I’m so grateful I’ve found a great instructor who is patient, loves kids, and does an amazing job to do her best to make them feel comfy in the water. I can’t wait until he can swim on his own. How crazy it will be to watch him go!

I’m planning to get Rider into swim too. This particular teacher doesn’t take them until they’re two, so I was going to wait until next year. And THAT thought proved to make me a true idiot. Watching Rider around water has made it ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY to get him into lessons as SOON as humanly possible. The kid has ZERO fear. I mean, seriously, he’ll jump right in if no ones looking. So you ALWAYS HAVE TO BE LOOKING. Scary stuff. This teacher we are going to is full for the summer, so I’m coming up with plan B for him. But next year, he will go to her too WITH Cruz. Oh man. Talk about cute overload. HA.

Here’s a few photos I snapped on my iPhone while there these past two days. And if you want to check out last years video, you can see it HERE.

hands free

Is anyone else addicted to their iPhone? Does your ENTIRE LIFE exist in it? Do you rely on it A LOT? I do. If my computer exploded, aside from editing photos, I could do the VAST MAJORITY of my work from my phone. That’s pretty neat, if you ask me. That we live in a time and place in history that we are able to enjoy little gadgets like that. And that they enrich our lives as much as they do and help us to be productive.

But lately, Jason and I have been having a heated conversation about whether or not it’s super healthy to be on our phones as much as we are. I say ‘heated’ because it causes me to get a little defensive for some reason (red flag #1). It’s been a good, healthy debate- don’t get me wrong. Weighing the pros and cons of how much we actually use our phones, how often we should be on them, and what it takes away from socially sometimes.

And what it’s taking away from our kids. Yikes.

He shared a blog post that I’m going to share with you today. You may or may not have read it. But holy moly, it is convicting. It makes me wonder exactly how much am I missing in my kids lives, just because I am on my phone. It reaffirmed the conversations that Jay and I have had about how you can be in the room, but not really there. Not listening. Not connecting. Because there is an entire world on the internet that is always distracting me, pulling me in another direction, and vying for my attention. All while two little boys of mine are vying for my attention too. And they don’t know anything about the world wide web.

And nor do they care.

They are going to grow up before my eyes. And I am going to miss it if I am always on my phone. I am going to regret it if all I do is pin stuff, Instagram stuff, and ‘Like’ every status known to man. But I WON’T regret being there for them. I WON’T regret watching them grow up. The internet is always going to be there in some form. But my small, little boys won’t always be. I don’t want them to remember their mom with a phone always in her hands. I want them to remember me as a mom who played with them. Who was silly with them. One who tickled them and made them laugh until they couldn’t laugh anymore. I don’t want them to think I was too busy ‘working’ that I couldn’t build legos with them.

I need to put my phone down more often during the day.

This article was super convicting to me. I’m not saying that being on the phone during the middle of the day or when your kids are awake is a bad thing. BUT, I am suggesting that you read this blog post and figure out what this might mean for your own life with your own kids. There’s a lot of things I HAVE to do during the day through my phone because of the nature of my job and because I have toddlers. I work a lot and at very random times during the day. But is it out of control? Am I too busy on my phone to actually SEE my kids? Am I missing huge parts of their childhood, even though I’m a stay at home mom? That’s what I’m sorting through right now.

Read the blog post HERE. And then make your own conclusions. I’d love to hear your thoughts.

words of life

Keeping up with this series has been sorta difficult for me. Well, blogging in general has been which is weird. I am a writer. It comes easy to me and I usually always have something to say. But in this past six months, it’s just been a constant battle inside my heart and my mind. And to be honest, its been sorta paralyzing at times. God has constantly reminded me how much I truly need Him in this life and how I can’t do this by myself- even when things are actually going ok! So because of that, I’ve had to step back from some things and try to take some time to rest my soul and my mind when I can.

Through studying this chapter, God somehow always prompts me to write my next post in this series in the exact right timing that I need to hear from Him about what I’m struggling with. So I have found that doing this series has made me way more vulnerable than I was planning because I find myself sharing with you things that I’m really struggling with, as im struggling with it. It’s been a much more organic process than I was anticipating, but slower to evolve at the same time. Anyways.

The next verse in my study of Proverbs 31 is:

“She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue.” Proverbs 31:26

Words. This next verse is about our words. *Sigh*

Why is controlling our tongues one of the hardest lessons to learn? Why have I been struggling with this so much? The truth is, I haven’t been struggling with it in a gossip sort of way, although there HAVE been times in my life that I’ve struggled with that. But right now, I’ve been struggling with my words in the ways that I talk to my family. Mostly my kids. Lately, I have been tired, not reading my Bible enough and just running on empty. I’ve allowed myself to become exhausted and to take on too much at times. And because of that, I have so willingly put my kids last- especially this  past week- and I have had an incredibly short temper with them. My short temper this week, has not come from God. The Bible says MANY times that the Lord is slow to anger, like in Psalms 103 stating, ‘The LORD is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love.’

Not only is He slow to anger, but He’s compassionate, gracious and abounding in love. My words and my heart haven’t reflected that to my kids this week. I haven’t loved them the ways that God loves us as much as I should have. I haven’t been compassionate, gracious or abounding in love. Don’t get me wrong, I DO love my kids. And I haven’t been a complete monster to them. HA. But, I’ve just had a shorter fuse that I usually do. And I was convicted this week that it’s been out of my own disobedience. To be honest, I had a defining moment when Cruz walked up to me and told me he was “really, really mad” after I had yelled at him for disobeying. My heart broke. The way I was choosing to discipline them this past week was actually making it worse. And it was stirring up my little boys anxious heart and confusing him about why mommy was so angry. And it was causing HIM to be angry and mad too. How do I know? That sweet boy actually TOLD me that he was very, very mad when I yell.

Words. Words are so powerful. They have the ability to ruin entire households. Wars have been started over mere gossip. Families torn apart over harsh words, misunderstandings or even just the wrong tones. Proverbs 15:4 says, “The soothing tongue is a tree of life, but a perverse tongue crushes the spirit.” Proverbs 18:21 says, “The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.”

Our words can crush spirits and has the power of life and death. Holy moly. When I read this, I was vividly reminded about the damage I can do with my words. My big, loud, carless words spoken over my little boys can crush their little spirits. It can crush a girlfriends spirt. My husbands spirit. Or your OWN spirt. Our words are so incredibly powerful. Powerful enough that Satan can make us THINK that our words aren’t doing any damage, when in fact, they are sparking a fire that could blaze and entire forest (James 3:4-6).

The Proverbs 31 woman is very, very different. I actually don’t think she had a lot to say, at times. The Bible says she speaks with WISDOM. And with wisdom comes discernment. She is thinking about her words, choosing wisely, and not starting gossip. She is deciding to use her words for faithful instruction to her children, her family and her friends. Words that they can count on. Words that will be uplifting, even in a crucial disciplining moment. Words that won’t do damage or crush little spirits. Her words give life. And I have a feeling that she wasn’t known as the town gossip. She wasn’t known as the bully or as someone who would put you in your place if you needed it. She was wise in her speaking, choosing what words to say. She gave out faithful instruction and all those who were witness to it gained something positive from her words.

Don’t you want your words to reflect that about you as well? Shouldn’t our mouths be an exact reflection of our hearts? Shouldn’t our little kids come to know and subconsciously understand that mommy isn’t going to fly off the handle? Wise words and faithful instruction SHOULD fill our homes. When I think about what that looks like, it isn’t yelling and screaming. It isn’t chaos. It isn’t gossip. It’s methodical, well planned, self-controlled words that are only spoken to give life.

Oh how I’ve failed at times recently here to give life with my words. What  a convicting passage for me. I am going to be working on allowing my mouth to be the gate keeper for every word that comes out. Because once your words are out, they can’t be taken back. And THAT, is when it can cause real death and crush spirits. We think that words aren’t going to be painful. Or that our toddlers won’t remember or hear what we mutter under our breaths when we are angry. But in fact, they are. And once spoken, if not thought and planned carefully, can kill a precious spirit that was designed by God Himself. I’ve received a jolt this week by this verse. And you better believe that I’ll be working on this area of my life from here on out. God is very clear to warn us of the danger here, with our words. And I don’t want my kids, family or friends to be on the receiving end of something that is so obviously a heart issue on my part.

dear cruz and rider,

Sometimes, being busy is a good thing. Sometimes, it’s not. I feel like for myself, these past several weeks have been a mix of both extremes. I have been finding myself extremely overwhelmed with work, thankful for the job I have, busily rushing around you both, AND trying to make intentional time to focus on you and just to be a mom too. This balance that I have to find, I will never understand. I’m often told by other mom’s that it looks like I am super mom. That it looks like I have it all together. And that I do it with grace. While those are HUGE compliments to me and also very encouraging, I DO sometimes feel like the world is running AROUND me. That I’m NOT making time for what’s important. And I’m constantly feeling guilty for the nights that I can’t tuck you in. AmI doing the right things here? Do I work too much? Am I shuffling around my boys- the very REASON why I stayed home to begin with?

It’s a constant battle. One that I fight every day in an effort to make sure that I am maintaining some sort of BALANCE. And it’s not ever easy. I find that in my life, Satan does everything that is possible to make sure that the balance in my life is constantly chaos. If it’s chaos, it means that I am doing something very, very wrong. And it means that I’m not focusing on what’s important here. And that I’m not spending time with Jesus and allowing HIM to direct my steps. It only means that I’m relying on myself and all the things that I think are important to get done. And I’m not focusing on things from above, like the Bible calls us to.

Anyways. I guess this quick little letter is my way of saying. ‘I’m sorry’ to you both. You’re both too little to understand all of this big vocabulary, but someday you will. I’m sorry that I’ve spent the last few months rushing around you, impatient, sleep deprived, and grumpy. Mommy is doing some things to get back on track, including changing my diet so I’m not so irritable. I’ve been really, really horrible at keeping and maintaining any kind of balance these days. And you boys have gotten the short end of the stick, somewhat. I do promise you, that mommy is doing the best that she can. And I promise you that you really ARE the first things I think about when it comes to any decision I have to make. And I promise you that I’m going to strive for more balance in all the areas of our lives. And that when the balance scale is starting to tip, I will be more intentional about spending time with Jesus to get me back on track instead of just plowing forward, hoping the season will end soon.

Even though I am your mommy, and I’m trying to do the very best that I can, I still make mistakes too. I’m still learning and growing too. And I’m so lucky to have both of you as my little boys. Both of you sweet, patient with me, forgiving. And loving me enough to see past the mistakes I’m making along the way. I’m so grateful that we are in this journey together as a support system to one another. That’s what family is. And I’m so glad you’re mine.

I love you all the time.

Mommy xo

 

homemade bread

Holy moly, I actually did it. If you haven’t read my previous post, then let me fill you in quick. Or you can also scroll down and just read it. But basically I’m setting out to make some different decisions for my family. This is a NEVER ENDING battle for me and something I think I’m always going to struggle with. FOOD. I’ve struggled with food since I was in high school, really. I mean, really, really, really struggled with it through college. BUT, that’s for another blog post. I don’t struggle with it in those ways anymore, but my health, finding a balance and making good decisions is a constant battle for me.

For all of us, right? I know I’m not alone.

So I’m setting out to try to set myself up for success. So I took a few hours on Sunday and set it aside to COOK. And man alive, I DID IT. I cooked FOUR loaves of bread. Yes, FOUR. I made two loaves of white sandwich bread (the recipe will be below) and I made two loaves of Amish Friendship bread. If you’ve never had Amish Friendship bread, hit me up and I’ll pass some to you in ten days. OMG YUM. I cooked about three pounds of shredded chicken to have on hand, I cut up ALL my fruits and veggies for the week, I made breakfast cookies, no-bake energy bites, quinoa and rice to have on hand. I stocked and prepared my fridge for this week and I am SO proud of myself. Carving out three to four hours to do all of that was a huge discipline for me. But it was super energizing because now I can confidently make quick breakfasts and lunches for us. And this week has been SO MUCH EASIER in that regard. Usually I run through Chickfila because I don’t have time to cook during the lunch hour. It’s just easier to grab stuff out. But this time I’m prepared. So I’m going to work hard to make this a new habit for myself. It’s a constant discipline in my life. And it makes it harder that cooking isn’t my most favorite thing to do. But I do feel more confident as meal time approaches because I’ve prepared my meals and I can know with full certainty that my kiddos aren’t eating checmicals and preservatives.

Praise God.

I’ve had a few people ask me for the homemade bread recipe that I used. I never realized how EASY making homemade bread was!! Time consuming, but easy. This recipe made one loaf for now and one to freeze for later. So I’m hoping to do a huge bread making day soon and so I can stock my freezer of bread. Then I won’t have to make it every week. But there’s something very satisfying to me about making your own bread, and I really found it fun! I actually JUMPED up and down (kind of high in the air, actually haha) when my bread came out looking and tasting perfect. I usually ruin stuff in the kitchen. So the fact that this bread is amazing is PROOF that anyone CAN do it. It just takes time, discipline and a DESIRE to actually do it.

Check it out. And leave me any links to recipes you love too! I love to share ideas!

HOMEMADE BREAD

Ingredients

– 2 Cups Warm Water
– 2 Packets Yeast
– 2/3 Cup Sugar
– 1 1/2 Teaspoon Salt
– 1/4 Cup Vegetable Oil
– 5 1/2 (or a little more) Cups Flour

Directions

1. In large glass bowl dissolve the sugar in the warm water and stir in yeast. Allow to proof about 5-10 minutes until it looks foamy.

2. Mix in salt and oil to the yeast. Mix in flour 1 cup at a time.

3. When dough has formed a ball, knead on a lightly floured surface until smooth (not sticky) about 5 minutes.

4. Wipe down your previously-used glass bowl and oil it well. Place the dough in bowl and turn to coat surface of dough with the oil. Cover with plastic wrap that has been sprayed with non-stick spray (trust me on this one).  Cover with a towel and put it in a warm area. Allow to rise until it has doubled in bulk.

5. Knead the dough lightly and cut it in half. Shape it into loaves and place into two well oiled loaf pans.  Cover both with sprayed plastic wrap.  Put one loaf in the freezer (more on this loaf later).  Cover the other loaf with a towel and allow to rise for 30 minutes.

6. Bake your bread in a preheated over at 350 degrees for 20-30 minutes or until the top is golden brown.

7. Let your bread sit for at least 15-30 minutes in the pan after it comes out of oven to finish setting up…then dig in!

8. For the Freezer Loaf:  After about 8 hours, take it out of the freezer, remove it from the pan, wrap it in plastic wrap & then put it in a labeled freezer bag.  It will keep in the freezer for up to 6 months.  When you’re ready to use it, unwrap it and put it in an oiled loaf pan directly from the freezer.  Cover with oiled plastic wrap and a towel and put in a warm place for about 3-4 hours.  The dough will thaw and rise at this time.  After that, follow the instructions for baking!

Here’s my picture of my bread just out of the oven!

So fun. I found this recipe on Pinterest, but it was actually from this blog. In her blog post, she details out the cost of the bread versus store bought bread. Check it out. It averages to about $1.00 a loaf. Bread doesn’t need to be complicated, people. And it feels SO much better knowing that you’ve made and eaten something that is actually only five ingredients or so. AND that you can pronounce them. I can’t wait to make more!

So, have at it and HAPPY BAKING!

alfredo

I’ve been cooking this a lot and I just had to post it here. It’s one of Jason’s FAVORITE meals ever. I hardly ever cooked it at home because the jarred Alfredo sauce, in my opinion, is GROSS. So I just never really made it. OR I would occasionally purchase some of Olive Garden’s Alfredo sauce to use on my own noodles at home. OMG YUM. Even though this recipe is great, I still need to do that again. It’s a treat for sure, but soooo yummy.

Anywhoo. It’s an easy and quick recipe to make. So I usually always keep these things on hand. However, I’m trying to do Weight Watchers again, and this is HARDLY healthy for you. HA. But, it’s really amazingly good, so try it on a night when you’re craving some Italian food, but don’t want to go out.

Ingredients

– 1/2 cup butter

– 1/2 cup whipping cream

– 3/4 cup parmesan cheese

– salt and pepper to taste

– Fettucini noodles

Directions

1. Melt butter and whipping cream together over low heat, stirring constantly.

2. Prepare noodles while the butter is melting.

3. After butter has melted mixed well with the whipping cream, add in parmeasan cheese and stir completely.

4. Salt and pepper to taste.

5. Pour over the noodles once they’re finished cooking and ENJOY.

YUM.

*Image found on Pinterest.

heavy

We were asked very last minute to do a photo shoot today for good friends of ours. They have just found out that their sweet little son has Leukemia, and they would like photos of him and with him before he looses his hair. Of course we agreed to spend the afternoon with them, to love on them, and to capture them.

*Sigh*

Why does cancer even need to exist? My heart burdens for the children that have to go through this. I can’t even imagine what it must be like as a parent to have to walk that road. To have to ask God the hard questions. And to wonder why YOUR child has to endure such a disease. We are always honored when people ask us to step into their lives in such a way, to touch them with our art and to bring to life emotions that they themselves aren’t aware that they are expressing.

But my heart is heavy.

Jesus, I pray that these images we take today would be so deeply special to this family. And that they would have some relief from the pain, fear and burden while they are with us. That they will laugh together and for a time, forget that cancer even exists. I of course pray for ultimate healing. But mostly for your will in their lives and that of all the people this family touches. Strength. I pray for strength. And peace. And healing in his little body. How frightened his mother must be. But I know that she trusts in you, in only ways you can give her strength to do. Give us a remarkable photo shoot for this family. And surround them with your peace in their lives amidst the scary road ahead. Amen.

* Image found on Pinterest.

moved

We did it. We have successfully moved in and MOST of the unpacking is done! I hate being away from blogging, well, ever. I always take a couple breaks throughout the year so I can refocus my thoughts or just get reorganized. This instance it was to focus on getting us moved and into our new space. We happened to move during a week when we shot THREE weddings. So yes, we are crazy. CRAZY. But it was such a great week, honestly. It actually wasn’t stressful at all! But it WAS exhausting. EXHAUSTING. So I’m glad that we’ve had some time to recover and to get our office reset up. We’ve still been working non-stop, but having the space in our home is exactly what we needed. I was about to go crazy in our little apartment with ZERO office space. So to have an entire room dedicated to our work is seriously refreshing.

I have so many fun posts coming up. I finally feel like I can get back to blogging like I want to blog. This blog has always been my creative outlet in a lot of ways. I love to write and to share my crazy thoughts and ramblings. I love sharing my stories of my family, my life, and my experiences. When I go too long without writing here, it starts to feel really crappy. HA. So I’m happy to have gotten us settled again AND to have had a huge burst of creative energy. There’s still mountains of work to be done, but I’m so grateful that God has allowed us to have a bigger home to spread out in. One that inspires us creatively and that keeps us in Scottsdale too. I can’t imagine living in any other city than Scottsdale. If we’re going to be in Arizona, Lord willing, then I think we are in Scottsdale to stay. We are seriously loving it.

I know I’m kind of rambling I think. But it’s late, I’m tired and have a million and one things to blog about. Since I can’t fit them all in one post, I’ll leave you with an image from Instagram of our new home. We’ve been blessed with a perfectly sized home for us. We are so grateful and can’t wait to focus in and work harder than we have been already.

More posts and thoughts to come. Here’s to getting back on track.

little ears

So two days ago I just nonchalantly posted THIS comment on Facebook yesterday:

‘Got great news at Rider’s doctor appointment! He PASSED his hearing test! First time ever in his life to pass 100% and there’s no more fluid in his ears!!’

It was later that I realized that not a lot of people really knew what we’ve been praying for and wondering since Rider was born. So, I thought I’d clarify. I never said anything earlier because we just weren’t really sure what the deal was and wanted to wait until we got some specific answers before we just started saying/announcing things that we just weren’t sure of.

Basically, since Rider was born, we haven’t been 100% positive that he could hear. There was even a small period of time that we thought potentially that he was deaf. When he was born, he failed his hearing test in the hospital twice. FINALLY he passed and since he did, none of the nurses were too concerned with it. Getting a false reading on those tests CAN be normal. When he was four months old, we realized that he never turned to look at us when we made noises or called his name. There was probably a good week solid that I had so prepared my heart for the news that he was deaf. Then, when we were at Disneyland, Jason made a REALLY loud noise near him that startled him into a screaming hysteria.

So that answered our questions, or so we thought.

He then proceeded to fail his six month, nine month, twelve month AND fifteen month hearing tests. But all during this time, we HAD discovered that he COULD hear us. He was responding to us, answering to his name when we called, and could follow basic directions that most kids can follow at his age. We just weren’t sure to WHAT degree he could hear. His pediatrician could see fluid in his ears, but nothing too concerning. He never seemed to have ear infections that bothered him. No fevers, no illness, no staying up all night with discomfort. So I never pushed wanting to see a specialist JUST YET. I knew that sometimes fluid in the ears could go away and IF that’s what was causing the problem, we wanted to see if it would clear up on its own.

His doctor agreed, mostly because he wasn’t in any pain. It was to be at THIS last appointment that we would have discussed further options.

BUT, we went and got GREAT news! He has no more fluid in his ears AND he FINALLY passed his hearing test in both ears!! I was so ecstatic when the doctor said that his ears looked great. And I was relieved to know that he CAN hear! The next steps from here is to really work with him and encourage him to start talking. Our doctor wants us to wait until past his second birthday to discuss going to a speech therapist. One COULD say that he’s a little behind on his talking, but we’re going to wait and see how things progress there. He’s not behind on anything else and it could just be that his speech has been a little delayed due to the difficulty he’s likely had with his hearing.

So for today, we are THRILLED to know that Rider CAN hear. Whether he can hear or not obviously doesn’t change how much we love this kid. And if he WAS deaf or partially deaf, we would have embraced that news and made the absolute best of it. But we are thankful for little ears that can hear the way they were intended to hear. It’s a prayer I’ve been praying for since he was born and I’m very thankful to have an answer.

Sorry I wasn’t too public about it! We just wanted to be sure of what was going on before we said TOO much. But thank you to those of you who were aware and who were praying for us too! We are beyond grateful for a community of people who are crazy about our kids like we are.