Tag Archives: balance

dear cruz and rider,

4 Jun

Sometimes, being busy is a good thing. Sometimes, it’s not. I feel like for myself, these past several weeks have been a mix of both extremes. I have been finding myself extremely overwhelmed with work, thankful for the job I have, busily rushing around you both, AND trying to make intentional time to focus on you and just to be a mom too. This balance that I have to find, I will never understand. I’m often told by other mom’s that it looks like I am super mom. That it looks like I have it all together. And that I do it with grace. While those are HUGE compliments to me and also very encouraging, I DO sometimes feel like the world is running AROUND me. That I’m NOT making time for what’s important. And I’m constantly feeling guilty for the nights that I can’t tuck you in. AmI doing the right things here? Do I work too much? Am I shuffling around my boys- the very REASON why I stayed home to begin with?

It’s a constant battle. One that I fight every day in an effort to make sure that I am maintaining some sort of BALANCE. And it’s not ever easy. I find that in my life, Satan does everything that is possible to make sure that the balance in my life is constantly chaos. If it’s chaos, it means that I am doing something very, very wrong. And it means that I’m not focusing on what’s important here. And that I’m not spending time with Jesus and allowing HIM to direct my steps. It only means that I’m relying on myself and all the things that I think are important to get done. And I’m not focusing on things from above, like the Bible calls us to.

Anyways. I guess this quick little letter is my way of saying. ‘I’m sorry’ to you both. You’re both too little to understand all of this big vocabulary, but someday you will. I’m sorry that I’ve spent the last few months rushing around you, impatient, sleep deprived, and grumpy. Mommy is doing some things to get back on track, including changing my diet so I’m not so irritable. I’ve been really, really horrible at keeping and maintaining any kind of balance these days. And you boys have gotten the short end of the stick, somewhat. I do promise you, that mommy is doing the best that she can. And I promise you that you really ARE the first things I think about when it comes to any decision I have to make. And I promise you that I’m going to strive for more balance in all the areas of our lives. And that when the balance scale is starting to tip, I will be more intentional about spending time with Jesus to get me back on track instead of just plowing forward, hoping the season will end soon.

Even though I am your mommy, and I’m trying to do the very best that I can, I still make mistakes too. I’m still learning and growing too. And I’m so lucky to have both of you as my little boys. Both of you sweet, patient with me, forgiving. And loving me enough to see past the mistakes I’m making along the way. I’m so grateful that we are in this journey together as a support system to one another. That’s what family is. And I’m so glad you’re mine.

I love you all the time.

Mommy xo

 

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keeping ‘mom’ first

15 Apr

Tip #6- Keeping ‘Mom’ Before Work

I’ll be honest here. While I never truly lose sight of the fact that being mom should always come before work, sometimes I do forget it a little bit. I am a self-professed workaholic. I try to make sure that I find and keep balance in my life, but the truth is, I could and sometimes do, work WAY more hours that I actually need to. And it’s because I really love what I do and I want to succeed at what I do. I am blessed, this I know! But there are times in my life, like right now, when I have to remember that being a mom should and always will come before work. Right now, we are unpacking boxes, getting settled in a new place and I have work STACKING UP because I’ve had to focus on my home. But focusing on my home doesn’t count as focusing on my kids. So things have gotten done a little slower than I would have liked, simply because I’ve had to consciously make the decision to put their needs above work and above house cleaning and unpacking. It sounds easy, right?

You might be thinking, You work from home! Of course you can put your kids first because you are with them all the time!

No, friends. No. It’s so hard. Not because I don’t WANT to put them first everyday. But because I see what needs to get done and I have the computer staring me in the face screaming, “DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH WORK YOU HAVE TO DO???” and as the email notifications keep ringing. It would be so very easy to put on Sesame Street all day long and let the TV ‘watch’ my kids so I could get work done and help provide for my family.

But that’s not the kind of mom I want to be either.

So I have to daily, and even hourly, keep it in the forefront of my brain that it is ESSENTIAL that I be a mommy before work. And I do realize that I have the luxury to work while they play or sleep or watch TV. But it’s also hard because I get interrupted A LOT. Even during my ‘scheduled’ work times, I get interrupted A LOT. Naps don’t always go as planned, kids get sick or they wake up in the morning early. It’s a constant balancing act. But whenever Cruz asks me to go play in his room with him, I always try to go. If I’m answering an email and the boys need something, I try to drop everything. I want them to see that I work and to also know that mommy has other things she’s doing too. I don’t want them to think the world revolves around them and that they demand what I do or don’t do. There ARE times that I say, “Not right now”. But I want them to know, in the core of who they are, that being their mother is important to me. It’s MORE important to me than work. And while they will know that I do have to work and that there will be times that I can’t play, I want them to be secure in knowing that I KNOW that being their mom comes first to me. And I strive to show them that every day.

And it’s hard. I love what I do and there are times when I do wish that I had eight straight hours to work and not to be interrupted.

But then I remember that the time I have with them at this age is very limited and that it will go by in a blink of an eye. They will not be this young forever. They will grow up, go to school, make friends, have homework and not have time to spend with ME. And that really makes me sad. Growing up makes me sad, even though I am excited to watch them grow. So I try to treasure what I have with them RIGHT NOW. Because it won’t be forever. We aren’t even promised tomorrow so why would I waste today??

Let me encourage you. I know finding the balance between work and home life is hard. But try to remember to keep ‘mom’ before ‘work’. There will ALWAYS be work to do. It will ALWAYS be there. Our children will not always be there. They are growing and growing fast. They will be gone and out of the house before we know it. I know I want to look back and know that I spent as much time with them as I possibly could. Mostly, I want THEM to look back and to remember that no matter how much work I had to do and to get done, I always dropped it all to play and care for them.

It’s worth it, even though at times it’s hard.

* This photograph was taken by my friend Tanya as we were on location doing a photo shoot of THEIR family. Ha! It was so fun to bring the boys with us for once!! Tanya, there’s more to come of your shoot, I promise. But hats off to the photographer for this photograph! 😉 Love you!

balance

4 Oct

Both boys are actually napping at the same time, so I actually have a few minutes to write! I’ve been meaning to write since my last post, but as you can imagine, I’m still trying to figure out life as a mommy of two. Everything has changed about our schedule and the amount of time I have to get everything done! Yes, balancing my life has been a challenge these days and I’m still trying to get the hang of it.

Rider has started sleeping longer stretches through the night, which is HUGE. I just don’t do well without much sleep, so these first couple weeks have been especially hard. I am doing Babywise again, like I did with Cruz, and it’s getting Rider on a schedule/routine of sorts. I LOVE Babywise and believe in it wholeheartedly, I don’t care what you or anyone else thinks or says about it. It’s worked wonders for our children and they have completely thrived on it. I think mostly because I approach it with balance, always feed them when they’re hungry, and wake them during the day to eat. It’s been awesome. So finally Rider is going from about 11:00 pm to about 4:00 am, waking only once to eat in the middle of the night and then we’re up for the day by 7:30 am. So now that we are at the beginning of some good sleep habits, I am finally trying to figure out how to balance everything ELSE in my life, besides sleep.

There’s so much to balance as a mamma. There’s the kids, which is obvious. Balancing everything they need IS a full time job within itself. Then I have my actual full time job that helps provide for us. Finding time to edit and answer emails and process photos is a challenging new task for me. Before Rider was born, I had a very scheduled day, every day, with times allotted for work, play and other things. Now that Rider has turned out schedule upside down, we are trying to figure it out and I’m trying to stay on top of it! It’s HARD. Being a stay at home working mom is very exhausting. THEN, there’s cleaning, laundry, meals AND making time to get out of the house and do fun things with family and the kids.

There’s seriously not enough hours in the day. I wish I could hire a maid to do the cleaning/cooking. I would if I could and I’m serious. Finding time to shower is a challenge, let alone CLEAN.

I am trying to find a balance in this new life we are living these days! And it’s hard work! I knew it wasn’t going to be easy. I knew that I would be exhausted. And I knew that life would be different than it was before Rider was born. So I’m now trying to adjust to a new normal routine/schedule and way of doing things. It’s an exhausting job. BUT, at the end of every single day, I am ever so grateful that I can work from home. That I’m here to take Cruz and Rider out to run errands or go outside and play. And that I am able to work at an art that I deeply love. So while I am so exhausted, I am once again trying to keep it in perspective that I am a very fortunate girl. I gotta stop trying to be ‘super woman’ because there isn’t anyone in the world that actually is that. It’s OK if the laundry piles up and if we eat macaroni and cheese an extra night a week.

Finding a balance doesn’t mean things have got to be perfect. I’m learning that it just means making sure that the things that are important are taken care of first. And everything else sort of takes care of itself.

Sort of. Ha. It’s a work in progress.