Tag Archives: wife

husbands

16 Mar

TODAY. I’m talking about our husbands. And how important our roles is as wives.

The next verse in my study of Proverbs is:

‘Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.’ Proverbs 31:23

It’s pretty crazy to me that this verse would reside right smack dab in the middle of describing this amazing woman of noble character. It hit me hard how incredibly important our roles as GOOD wives and mothers really is. The success of our husbands is dependent on it. I know that each man is responsible for his own choices and mistakes, so I am not saying that as wives we are responsible for every decision, good or bad, that our husbands make. But I AM saying that we, as their wives, have an incredible amount of influence. We set the tone in the entire home; the thermostat, if you will. We have the power to support, encourage, and lift up. Or we can easily build strife, tear down and discourage within our homes.

Whoa. There’s a lot of damage that could be done if we, the wives, aren’t careful.

The bible also says,“A wife of noble character is her husbands crown, but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones.” Proverbs 12:4

DECAY? In his bones? That’s the same as death. Being a disgraceful wife is the same as decay in his bones. BUT a crown to her husband, is something he is proud of. He cherishes it and wears it proudly. He knows his wife supports him and can leave to head to his work with confidence. He is confident in her and in all that she does for their family and he loves her. He’s proud of her.

He’s respected in the city gates, which is where all the  business and legal matters were once settled. It was considered a high honor for a man to sit in the gates. He likely would have had to achieved a certain amount of business success and he was very wise. It wasn’t a place for fools. This man was highly respected. He was a very hard worker. He endured much to obtain the status that he now holds. And it’s likely that he didn’t do it alone. The support of his faithful and fearless wife was probably the backbone to all of his success. Her persistent prayers for him, her encouraging words to him, her uplifting spirits and positive attitudes probably helped spur him on to all that God was calling him to. This man has the full support of his wife. And she believes in him to be an amazing man of God. She didn’t nag him. She never stole his courage. She wasn’t an enemy in his own home. This woman realized how great her husband was. He wasn’t average. He was a great man. And she knew that this man needed a helper in his life. She didn’t work to tear him down, or to be resentful towards him, or harboring anger. She faithfully loved him through supporting his work and taking care of their family.

Everything  we do as wives makes a huge impact on our husbands. And I think its so important to remember, that while we are busy running our households, we are also representing him. The bible is full of verses that talk about how dangerous it is to be a wife of contention (Proverbs 25:24, Proverbs 21:19, Proverbs 27:15). This is a wife that doesn’t create harmony, one who argues, one who nags. Nothing good comes from bitterness in our hearts towards our husbands and anger that makes your home living environment unbearable. WE are the thermostats in our home. And as hard as it may be to love and support your husband at times, its important. Your husband IS amazing. You married him, right?! Why not help encourage him to BE amazing in whatever it is that he is doing? Pray for him. Pray for protection around him. Pray that he would be used to glorify God in the ways that HE sees fit. Not in the ways YOU see fit. Pray for God’s will in his life and that he WOULD lead your home. Be your husbands biggest cheerleader. Be his biggest prayer warrior. It’s SO important to remember that you are a team, together in this life. And while you might not be the one going outside of the home to make a living, he IS. And it can be a dark and scary place for a man to stand alone.

I’m aware that marriage is hard. I married a very easy going, workable guy who has been a team with me in everything so far in this life together. But STILL, marriage is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. It’s so important to take care of one another. Take care of your home and husband as though it’s your ministry. It’s a window into your heart and the success of your husband depends on it. I have to remind myself every day that my home is my ministry. Not that I don’t love it, but because it’s HARD. This job as a wife and mother is hard, sacrificial work. But making the choice every day to love, respect and support your husband isn’t an option, I think. The bible is pretty clear that we are to be our husbands crown. A valuable partner in his life, taking care of him, our family and working hard too. Jesus never promises that ANY of this is going to be easy. But I can see the rewards of this woman’s hard work just LEAPING off the page at me. Do you think she felt rewarded every day?

No. I guarantee she didn’t.

But she was faithful. Faithful to her husband, supportive in his work, and loved him. Their whole family was respected by the entire city. Something that was achieved by the TWO of them working together. a faithful team until the end. And an amazing example for us all.

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preparation

24 Jan

I’m a week late on this post. We’ve had sick kiddies in our household, and as you know, that can tend to put other things on hold when that happens. Its been a blessing in disguise because I honestly needed a little more time to think on this verse. I didn’t understand the meaning in it, or what I was supposed to learn. Maybe it jumps off the page to you. But it took a little longer for me. It was always one of those verses that I just sort of breezed past. But after praying on it and doing a little more research, I realized that I was wrong about this verse and it’s importance. I just didn’t really understand it at first.

The next verse is:

‘She is not afraid of the snow for her household, for all her household are clothed with scarlet.’ Proverbs 31:21

I believe this verse is saying a couple different things. First, she’s not afraid of the winter that is coming. Why? I believe it’s because she’s PREPARED. She is always looking ahead to the next season and preparing her home and family accordingly. She is ready for the snow and the harsh winter that might possibly be coming. She doesn’t need to be afraid because she is prepared for what the next season may bring.

How many times do we enter the next season in our lives scattered, nervous and anxious? I know I struggle with this sometimes. I just roll into the next season without really taking the time to truly PREPARE for it. This woman is not afraid. She looks ahead and gets her household ready for the next season. She’s likely getting winter clothing ready, sewing enough to keep them warm. Her children are growing and she sees the needs that they will have ahead of time. She isn’t overwhelmed by it. She isn’t dreading all the work to be done. She isn’t afraid of the storms that will likely come. She anticipates the cold, blistering winter that lies ahead and she prepares for it. The storms that come don’t take her by surprise because she is ready. And she doesn’t live in fear.

I struggle with fear. Sometimes, I fear the worst. Why do I do that? This woman doesn’t do that. She prepares for it, is ready for it, and probably doesn’t live in a spirit of dread while doing it.

But then it says that all of her household is clothed in scarlet, which I think speaks a lot about what kind of a wife and mother she is. I think that it means that she CARES. Not only does she care enough to prepare for the winter for her whole family with all the hard work that goes with that, but they are clothed in scarlet. which is a beautiful color. I could be wrong here, but I take this to mean that she cared enough to make sure that they all looked good. Not in a materialistic kind of way. Not in the showy kind of way. Not in the fake kind of way where she just wanted to keep up appearances. But because she CARED about them. She wanted them to look their best, with whatever means they had. She wanted her husband and children to feel proud in what they were wearing and to be blessed by it. She cared that they were put together before they left the house in the morning, and she worked hard to sew, do laundry and to prepare their things for them.

These two verses speak VOLUMES to the harmony that she created within her home. Her family doesn’t need to worry about the clothing they are going to wear. She is already on top of it before the winters come. They don’t even question whether or not they are going to have clothing on their backs. They are confident in her and know that each article of clothing that she carefully sews for them will be out of love, care and careful planning.

I’m not saying that we all need to become amazing seamstresses before this verse can apply. I am the FURTHEST from good seamstress. And I secretly envy those of you who can sew and create beautiful things in that way. But I do think we can all learn something from this verse, whether or not you can sew and create clothing. I think there is a lot to be said about creating harmony in our homes. There’s a peace that comes with preparation, hard work, and planning. And I think it’s really important to see the next season looming on the horizon and to gently start preparing for it. Not out of worry, but to get things in order so we can transition our families into whatever the next season of life may be for us. Clothing our families with confidence is more than about what they are actually wearing. But taking the time to care for what they look like, inside and out, and to cover them with beauty in our words, actions, hard work, and even in material things at times.

Being prepared and caring for our families in the day to day tasks, such as brushing their hair, is something that will go such a long way. As women and mothers, caring for our family is something that seems like an obvious topic of conversation. Of course we’re taking care of our families. BUT, I know all too well that the day to day tasks can become somewhat mundane. It was an awesome reminder to me to remember that all of the preparation I do every day, week, month, actually can make a huge difference in the morale of my family. Am I preparing our lives in such a way as to instill confidence? Or am I afraid? Am I not caring to brush their hair and teeth, because they’re “too little” to care? Am I remembering that what we look like (inside and out) is a direct reflection on the work I do inside my home when no one else is looking?

I am reminded that I have no need to be afraid of the winters ahead. But to work hard, prepare for the snow, and to clothe my family with the best that I have to offer. Confidence will breed from my attitude and hard work as a mother and a wife. They will be confident in me, and they will always know that I have their best interest at heart.

full confidence

7 Nov

I started a new series that I’ll be aiming to post on Mondays until it’s completed. I’m pretty excited about it and hope you’ll be just as encouraged in it as I am!  I’ve really been trying to focus on Proverbs 31 about The Wife of Noble Character. Each week I’m trying to take a verse or two from it and dissect it and just really think on what is being said through it. I really want to lean into the wisdom that is inside these verses. There is so much- SO MUCH for me/us to learn from this woman. And there’s so much I neglect, but that I aspire to be when I read these verses. It’s inspiring, convicting and encouraging all at once.

I hope that this series encourages you too.

Last week, I only talked about verse 10 and what a wife of noble character means and is. Well, I scratched the surface of it, really, as I’m sure we could have enormous discussions on what it means to be a wife of noble character. If you’d like to read that post, you can check it out HERE. I’ve thought a lot about that this week, and it really has encouraged me. I’ve thought a lot about my character this week and what I do AND don’t like about it. And what I need to work on. It’s sort of humbling to think about your character, isn’t it? When I thought about whether or not my character was NOBLE or not, I was definitely convicted. But I was also encouraged because it showed me so much of what I desire to be.

This week I’m going to talk about verse eleven and twelve. They go hand in hand, I think. AND it’s really interesting that these verses follow a verse that talks about a woman/wife’s character. The verses are:

“Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.” Proverbs 31:11-12

I think these two verses go hand in hand here. As a wife of noble character, her husband can do nothing BUT have full confidence in her. Her character is excellent, exalted, magnificent. Wouldn’t YOU have full confidence in someone like that? Of course you would! Someone who has such excellent character can be nothing but trusted. Of course her husband has full confidence in her. Her character is incredible. It’s NOBLE. It then goes on to say that he isn’t missing anything that is of value when it comes to her. He fully trusts her. Although I know what the word ‘confidence’ means, I still wanted to check out its’ full definition, and this is the very first definition there is:

– full trust; belief in the powers, trustworthiness, or reliability of a person or thing. Having every confidence in their ability to succeed.

This woman’s husband TRUSTS her. He BELIEVES in her. And he knows with full confidence that she will be successful at whatever it is that she does.

I think that the next verse, verse twelve, speaks to her very character right off the bat. It says that she brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. Breaking this verse down, first I see that she BRINGS him good. It doesn’t say that she waits until he deserves it, presents it whenever she feels like it, or that she only gives it to him sometimes. It says she brings him GOOD not harm, ALL the days of her life. No exceptions. I think it’s so easy to forget this as wives. Isn’t it? It’s always really easy to think about what our husbands aren’t doing and to bring a critical spirit. It’s easier to focus on the negative, and to see the things that don’t get done.

I’m guilty of this sometimes.

When I think about what it means to bring good, NOT harm to our husbands, I think this can mean many, many things. It can mean just bringing a joyful spirit to your home. It can mean lifting him up when you’re around your peers, instead of talking negatively about him in front of other people. It can mean being his biggest supporter, no matter what life may bring, until the day you die. It can mean just being content in your life. Or just proud of him for working so hard. Or just because he’s an amazing dad. It can mean bringing words of affirmation into your home and lifting him up, even when you don’t feel like it.

It’ll look a little different for all of us in our lives. But what I’m reading doesn’t say WHAT good we are supposed to bring. But we are just supposed to bring it.

And we are called not to harm him. It doesn’t say that you can bring him harm a little bit if he really deserves it, or that you can just bring him down verbally behind his back a little bit because he really made you mad. It says that  no harm should be brought to him. He is protected by his wife, in many ways, ALL the days of her life. ALL of them.

And I think he has full confidence in her because of this. He KNOWS she’s got his back, come what may in this life time. And she also flourishes because he trusts her so much. What a beautiful, beautiful verse. One I never really took the time to ponder. I think a wife like this really starts from within. It starts with your character. Excellent character that does nothing but bleed out joy, happiness, trust and goodness. A character that moves you to go out of your way to bring your husband good to his life, ALL the days of yours. One where harming him isn’t even an option. She trusts him too. And it’s a really amazing cycle that I see here in these two verses.

I love being a wife. I really do. But it’s so easy to go about all the to-dos of the day and to forget to view your relationship as a ministry. As a mission field. It’s easy to forget that we are called too, to serve our husbands and to bring good to their lives. To let is spring from the depths of your character so it is a true reflection of your heart. Even three verses in, I’m seeing how important our characters as women really is. How matters of the heart really do matter. For what your character really is, is what will flow out. And what flows out spills onto others.

Onto our husbands. And our children even.

Our character is a direct reflection of where our heart really is. Who we REALLY are. And how we treat people. Most importantly, our husbands.

Phew. It’s heavy stuff to my heart. But so, so good.

convicted

11 Oct

Lately, I’ve just had a pretty horrible attitude. I’ll be honest here. Every day I wake up, I’ve been finding myself only thinking about the next time I can get into bed to sleep. And then it dawns on me that the next time THAT is going to happen isn’t until around 11:30 pm. That’s about the point of my day where my bad attitude begins. And usually that thought enters my brain before my feet touch the floor. Then I find myself going through the day agonizing over tasks that every mom has to do. I just have been finding myself so tired that I just don’t really want to do anything. And there’s A LOT of things that have to get done within my day. Everyone’s days look like this- I am not alone here. But my attitude has just really sucked lately. First I find myself counting down the hours to naptime (for the boys) and then they get up and I find myself counting down the hours to bedtime (for the boys) and finally counting down the minutes to when I can finally lay down. To which, I still dread getting up for the night time feedings so my attitude even sucks when I go to bed.

Gosh, who AM I? This isn’t me.

“I don’t want to feed anyone else, wipe any more butts or clean any more messes.” I would say to Jay. I said this until he finally said, “I feel like you say that a lot these days.”

Uh oh, I thought, My bad attitude is totally spilling over and affecting the rest of my family.

Jay didn’t say anything else about it. He’s typically always really supportive of me and my quick changing moods. Especially these days. But when he said that, it was the first time in awhile that I sat back and actually thought about how my attitude is affecting people around me. What’s even more sad, it’s truly how I feel sometimes! Somedays I just want to sleep all day long and not have to work, clean, wipe noses, butts and breast feed. Selfish? Yes. Truth? Yes. These feelings definitely come in waves, and some days (or hours) are better than others. But I’ve just been honestly waking up wondering when the day is going to be over so I can sleep again, and my family is paying for it.

So while I was picking up the house that same afternnoon, Proverbs 31 popped into my mind. I thought I had remembered a part in that passage that talked about a wife that works with delight. I was immediately convicted. Is that part in Proverbs 31?, I thought. I didn’t want it to be. But I took a little time and looked up the entire passage. And it really, really spoke to me. Here in bold are the parts that stuck out to me most.

“An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil all the days of her life. She looks for wool and flax and works with her hands in delight. She is like merchant ships; She brings her food from afar. She rises while it is still night and gives food to her household and portions to her maidens. She considers a field and buys it; From her earnings she plants a vineyard. She girds herself with strength and makes her arms strong. She senses that her gain is good; Her lamp does not go out at night. She stretches out her hands to the distaff, and her hands grasp the spindle. She extends her hand to the poor and she stretches out her hands to the needy. She is not afraid of the snow for her household, for all her household are clothed with scarlet. She makes coverings for herself; Her clothing is fine linen and purple. Her husband is known in the gates, when he sits among the elders of the land. She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies belts to the tradesmen. Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she smiles at the future. She opens her mouth in wisdom and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children rise up and bless her; Her husband also, and he praises her saying “Many daughters have done nobly, but you excel them all.” Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord shall be praised. Give her the product of her hands and let her works praise her in the gates.” Proverbs 31:10-31

Wow. This woman is busy. And I’m sure she doesn’t always have it all figured out. And I’m sure she still cries and gets emotional occasionally. And she probably still feels exhausted, like all mom’s and women do. But she doesn’t have a bad attitude. She is a hard worker- one who works with delight. I don’t remember the last time I worked with delight. I’ve only been preoccupied with how tired I am. And with Rider’s schedule. And with all the laundry that isn’t getting done. And how the house isn’t clean. I haven’t been having a positive attitude about things lately and I certainly haven’t been working with delight.

And while the Proverbs 31 women is something to strive for, I realize that I am not perfect. And that it’s OK to feel overwhelmed in motherhood and as a working mom. I certainly don’t want to seem (or be) fake about how I’m feeling. BUT, this passage has completely convicted me about my attitude with our current life stage. And my attitude is spilling over onto my husband and my children, which I didn’t realize was happening. And while everything isn’t going to be perfect all the time, this should be the type of woman that I should be striving to be. I’ve just lost sight of what kind of wife and mom I want to be. I’ve been so caught up in the exhaustion of it all that I’ve started to lose sight of what’s really important here. How sad.

So here’s to a new day. One that will be just as hard as yesterday, but one where my attitude will be different.