Tag Archives: trust

dear cruz,

20 Jan

If I could teach you just one thing in this life, aside from teaching you about Jesus, I hope and pray that I can teach you this:

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things. The things you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.” Philippians 4:6-9

This is something that I am still trying to learn. It’s something I struggle with every day, and something I pray that I won’t struggle with for much longer. But this passage is really hard for me. It’s hard, in this world we live in, to not be anxious about anything. To not worry about everything. To not be fearful.

I understand, completely.

Cruz, when life is overwhelming, when your mind won’t shut off, when fear takes over and when you’re anxious about so many things and you don’t know why- know that you can trust our Almighty Savior. Mediate on this passage. Trust in Jesus. And pray without ceasing. There’s so much about this life and this world that doesn’t make sense. There’s so much bad, anger and hate in the world and it is scary. Evil is scary. This life is only for a moment. Don’t waste your whole life being afraid and anxious about everything. Dwell on things that are pure and right and honorable. Fill your mind with the positive. Surround yourself with things that are true and pure. Guard your heart. Guard your mind. God promises peace. God is peace. Fill your life with Him, and you will live a life of peace. Even if everything around you is not peaceful.

I pray for you every day, Cruz. I pray that you and Rider both will live lives that are free of anxiety and fear. Lives that are full of peace and truth and honor. Do not be afraid. God is with you and will uphold you. Trust in Him, for He never fails.

I love you, my sweet boy.



packing & moving

12 May

Yes, we are moving! We found renters and we are heading out. Exciting? Yes. We are very excited. We found a great place up in Scottsdale and we are stoked to be closer to Scottsdale Bible Church.

We can’t wait!

But, I’d be lying if I said that I wasn’t sad to leave this house though. All of me wishes we could just pick up this house and move it to Scottsdale with us.

But obviously, we can’t.

So we are entrusting it to a good family and praying that it will be well taken care of like we have taken care of it! So in a week from today, we will begin the move out process. We’ve been blessed with a great situation that’s allowing us to move out slowly, to deep clean the house for our renters and for this prego lady to take a pretty big move at her own pace! I’m grateful at how God’s taken care of us through this entire process. Ever since Jay was laid off all the way up until now.

Why do I still doubt sometimes? Geez. You’d think I’d learn by now.

So these next few weeks are going to be INSANE. Tomorrow I’m leaving to head to San Diego for a Boudoir Session that I was hired for. It’s also turned into an all girls weekend, (which I can gladly check off our list!!) and is definitely something that I NEED. It’s been a stressful time, these past few weeks, and although I am going out there to work, I am thrilled to have a little time to relax. It will most likely be my last girls weekend getaway before Rider is born. I can’t wait!

Once I get home, it’s time to pack pack pack! And work work work! We have so many edits we are working on for Session Nine Photography, so I have to manage a way to stay on top of that too. SO, the next couple weeks are going to be exhausting. But at the end of it all, we will be up in Scottsdale and in the community where Jay works. So it’s obviously going to be totally worth it. Life never slows down. I’m hoping it does a little bit after we move.

Six months ago I never thought we’d be here. And although it’s been somewhat of a lonely road, I have never been more grateful and more happy to be where we are. I’m glad we’ve made it here.

dear cruz,

29 Nov

We have a lot to be thankful for.

Today looks a lot different for us than it did a year ago. So much has changed and we have never been more grateful that it has. I had no idea that I’d be where we are, but I am so thankful for God’s direction in our life. He is here, Cruz. He is watching out for us and protecting us.

It’s amazing how much YOU have changed in one year! Every mamma who’s gone before me has told me that it goes by so fast. And they are so right. This year has just flown by without a second glance. I’m told that pretty soon I’ll be teaching you how to drive, watching you go off to college, raising kids of your own. That in a blink of an eye you will be all grown up and I will be wondering where did the time go.

That thought makes me sad, but so excited for you too. I’m so thrilled to be able to watch your life grow right before my very eyes. I haven’t missed it! I haven’t missed out on you and I can boldly say that I really have taken the time to enjoy my time with you. Right before you were born, mommy was faced with decisions that wouldn’t allow her to work anymore. There wasn’t any possible way that I could work at my current job AND put you first, despite what was promised to me. And I knew that I didn’t want to miss out on anything during your first year on this earth. Choosing to stay home and make my own career path has never been a better idea and it’s never been a decision that was blessed MORE.

I am thankful for you. Cruz. I’m thankful for dadda- a man who is humble and stands for what is right all the time. A man who cares about other people and who seeks God in everything he does. I’m thankful for our jobs and for God’s ability to give us the desires of our hearts- in His timing. I’m thankful for Audio, our puppy, who you adore. I’m thankful for opportunities on the horizon. I’m thankful for life and for how different things are this year. Change is exactly what we needed and God has directed our steps all the way.

So while you’re first year of life has been one of change and uncertainty for us, I’ve never been more happy to walk through that uncertainty and change. It has truly shaped us, grown us and brought us to a place that I never thought we’d be. Be thankful for a God who loves us, Cruz. A God who allows us the freedom to make our own decisions, but who leads us if we just trust Him.

And you can trust Him. He will never fail.

dear cruz,

29 Oct

Wow. This month has taken some unexpected turns.

Our journey is changing, little guy. And it’s been a month full of mixed emotions. Anger, hurt, happiness, relief. It’s been a month of continued stretching for us, as our life seems to be. Sometimes we wonder when God’s going stop stretching us- even if only for a brief moment so we can catch our breath. But at the same exact time, I wouldn’t change anything that we’ve been through because it would mean that we aren’t here.

And here is where we are.

This month has been hard. Daddy lost his job. Mommy lost a little baby. It would be easy to give up. To wonder where God is in the midst of confusion, hurt, anger and loneliness. Mommy and Daddy have lost some friends this month. When things get hard, you learn who loves you most. And we have learned that and are clinging to friends and family who have stuck by our sides. There still is a lot of people around us Cruz. A lot of people who love us. Who love YOU. The support has been amazing and I can’t help but know that God has big plans for the three of us!

And so we are moving on and moving forward. We are still sad about both losses- loss of not being apart of a community that we were involved in for 10 years. And sad about the loss of a little brother or sister that you will not meet until we’re all in heaven someday. But we are OK. More than OK.

God has given us more than we could have ever asked for in this time. I finally feel like I completely understand Philippians 4:6 & 7, (“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”) It’s amazing how truly the peace of God will surpass and go beyond all understanding in the moments when you need it most. I feel like I have a clarity for our life, that I’ve never had before.

While I don’t understand what he’s doing in our lives or where He’s taking us, I do trust Him. We won’t go anywhere where He isn’t leading us, little guy. So you can rest easy, relax and know- Mommy and Daddy are going to do their best to trust in God so you can confidently trust in us.

Here’s to many new adventures my Cruzer! This is a great life we are living!

I love you,


My Little Man


dear cruz,

29 Sep

I’ve restarted this entry several times now. I’m not quite sure what to say exactly, so I can’t imagine that this entry will be too long.

Sometimes life is just confusing. Sometimes God has us go through things that just plain sucks. Sometimes life really doesn’t seem fair. Sometimes I just don’t get it. But I do know, Cruz, that we serve a God that is big. Bigger than you will ever even be able to imagine or dream about. Too big to comprehend. And even though I never seem to understand exactly what He’s doing in our lives, I do know that I can trust Him. You can trust Him.

And that He’s faithful to us.

And He loves us.

He loves you Cruz, so much more than you will ever understand. He created you in my tummy. He knows how many days you will live on this earth. And He knows all about your life already- even though you’ve only been here for 11 short months!

Someday, when you understand, just know that you can trust Him. Even when the world seems as though it’s crumbling around you. When your soul just feels so dark and so afraid- know that He is God. He is love. And He is faithful.

And He loves you.

There’s no better lesson that Daddy and I could ever teach you. And your brothers and sisters someday.

I love you,



Jesus loves me this I know, for the Bible tells me so. Little ones to Him belong, they are weak but He is strong. Yes, Jesus loves me. Yes, Jesus loves me. Yes, Jesus loves me. The Bible tells me so.