I’ve actually seriously taken a few days to even consider if I should write this post. After my slight freak out last week, I’ve since thought that it would be way easier to pretend it didn’t happen and to continue blogging about the daily happenings of my two boys. I guess I need to address it, if for no one else but myself.
The truth is, I’m not 100% completely sure what happened. I mean, I think it’s a combination of things, really. I’ve gone back and forth. Am I just tired? Am I just overwhelmed? Is it PPD? Am I just not organizing my day right? It’s probably a combination of all of these things. Although Rider is a great sleeper, I am exhausted. I am totally overwhelmed with trying to run our own business and balance two kiddos. It’s a lot of work to do ONE of those things independently, let alone all at the same time. I don’t think I truly have postpartum depression, but I do think my hormones are still balancing out and I probably have had a touch of PPD or at least the baby blues. I honestly don’t think I require medication, but I’d be the first to seek help if I truly thought that’s what I needed. It’s definitely a challenge for me to organize my day the way I want to. I have a toddler and a three month old. Enough said.
But this isn’t brand new stuff. Every mom deals with all of this and everyone seems to make it ok, right? I found myself looking around and wondering how everyone’s so happy and how everyone is making this mom thing look so easy. And I found myself wondering what their tricks were, reading facebook posts of everyone’s happy moments and feeling like I was sinking a little bit. I started believing a few lies that were anxiously being planted into my brain, comparing my abilities to others, and also feeling like I am too busy to get all of this done. How am I going to do this? How is everyone else doing this??
I saw a tweet last week that nailed it on the head for me. It was a comment that simply said, “Comparison kills joy.”. A comment that I completely agree with and at first read, I thought that only applied to the artistic world. Meaning, I shouldn’t be comparing my photography to other photographers work- which is still true. But the more I thought on it, the more I realized that this actually definitely applies to my entire life. Especially my ‘mom life’. Isn’t it so easy to compare yourself to other mom’s? To other’s lives? To other’s kids? Houses? Cars? Money? Jobs?
The list goes on.
And in a season where I’ve struggled with finding joy and delight in all the things I have to do, I still find myself looking around and wondering how everyone else is doing this. Comparing myself to other moms. Comparing myself to others’ lives. And it’s absolutely killing my joy. What a true statement, don’t you agree? It’s a dangerous place to slip into. Comparing can turn to envy. Envy to jealousy. And jealousy can destroy everything around it (James 3:16). All comparing myself to others was doing, was creating anxiety. Which I struggle with anyway.
So I needed a break. And when I looked at the list of things I had to do that day that I posted that, blogging was the only thing at the time that I could cut out. And it’s the last thing I wanted to cut out. Blogging has been my daily ‘out’. My breather. My escape. My journal, essentially. A place where I can just get it all out there. I should have started blogging years ago. But last week, I just needed to take a step back and figure out what was going on to make me anxious. What was going on to make me feel so overwhelmed.
Comparison.
Isn’t it enough that we, as moms (and just women!) have enough on our plates as it is? Why do need to compare myself to what is working (or even not working) for others? Where is this ‘standard’ that I have to live up to? So often I feel like I’ve got to shower, have my makeup on, stay up on the latest fashions, bath my kids, have perfectly folded laundry, clean the house, cook dinner every night, grocery shop, clip coupons, run a successful business, breast feed, cloth diaper, make my own baby food, eat organic food only, have consistent date nights, have perfectly obedient children, and sleep eight hours a night to be a successful mom. And don’t get me wrong, there is NOTHING WRONG with any of those things! But why am I trying to hold myself to these daily standards? Who’s standard’s are these anyways?? Why do I feel like a failure as a wife and mom if I can’t accomplish all of these things every single day?
I am not super mom. And I am finished comparing myself to others who actually might be super mom. Or who might be pretending to be super mom. It’s hard to tell. I could be comparing myself to others who appear to have it all together, but who are sinking just as I felt I was.
And the thing that I’ve realized and the thing that I desperately want for myself and mom’s everywhere is this: It has got to be OK that we can’t do it all. It has to be ok that laundry sits on the floor ALL THE TIME. It has to be ok that I can’t get my makeup on every single day. And Lord knows I’m not sleeping eight hours a night.
It’s OK.
What is truly important here? Does it drive me crazy that my house isn’t spotless all the time? Yes. It drives me nuts. But it has to be ok. I keep trying to remind myself to find the joy amidst the exhaustion of the season that I am in. And I am trying to prioritize my daily list and remember what ACTUALLY is important and forget the rest. Of course I want to keep the house up, raise amazing children AND work my business full time. But I’ve come to realize that those three things are each a full time job within themselves. THREE full time jobs. There is no possible way I’m going to get it all done all the time.
And it kills the perfectionist side in me. And Satan knows it.
I’d rather have it kill the perfectionist side in me than have comparison steal my joy. And at the root of it all, that is exactly what is happening. Why am I letting comparison steal MY joy? I have so much to be joyful over this season. And I am trying to take a stand and not let something as lame as comparison to others steal that away from me. How simple it is to forget though. I fall victim to this all the time. And it really can start to destroy you if you don’t stop it.
So it was a nice little breather, not blogging for a few days. I got my head on straight and realized that comparing myself to others is doing nothing good for my kids and my family. Everyone feels overwhelmed at times. Everyone feels like they have too much to do. Everyone wonders how to get all of it done.
We are not alone.
Comparison does nothing to help, but simply equips us with a sense of inadequacy. And isn’t this the last thing that our husbands and kids need? Every mom and woman feels like this. It’s taking a hold of these thoughts and the anxiety that will stomp these feelings in their tracks. Today I’m remembering, that although my to do list is tremendously long, it will not all get done. But my kids and husband will know that I love them. Even if we are only eating grilled cheese tonight.


Tags: baby, business, children, comparison, family, kids, mom, motherhood, stay at home mom, toddler, working mom