Tag Archives: life

almost thirty

11 Apr

I’m not thirty YET. But I will be this summer. And I’m not sure about you, but I can HONESTLY say that I am pretty stoked to be turning thirty. I am so done with my twenties. My twenties were amazing, horrible, wonderful, painful, thrilling, and devastating all at the same time. And all at different times. I don’t think I’ve ever grown more in my life that I have in my twenties. And for that, I am thankful. But I finally feel like I know who I am, know where I want to go with my life and what I want and need out of my relationships. I’ve learned A LOT and wouldn’t change the growth I endured during my twenties. Growth is good. And I hope I continue to do so. I don’t know what it is. It’s just a self confidence level I’ve reached, and I have been told countless times by countless people who said they experienced the same thing as they approached their thirties.

I’ve heard your thirties are your best years.

While I wouldn’t know if that was true or not yet, I AM excited to venture into the new chapter of my life in a few months.

All this to say, I stumbled across a cute little article about 30 Things Every Woman Should Have and Should Know By The Time She’s 30, from Glamour Magazine. I’m linking to the article, but I’m also going to list the items here so that I can have them on my blog. (Did you know that I’m printing my blogs into blog books? So I want this list in there.)

Check it out. And if you’re afraid of being thirty, girlfriend, DON’T BE. The best years of our lives are ahead of us. So long as you eat right, wash your face, and exercise. It’s going to be awesome!

By 30, You Should Have:

  1. One old boyfriend you can imagine going back to and one who reminds you of how far you’ve come.
  2. A decent piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in your family.
  3. Something perfect to wear if the employer or man of your dreams wants to see you in an hour.
  4. A purse, a suitcase and an umbrella you’re not ashamed to be seen carrying.
  5. A youth you’re content to move beyond.
  6. A past juicy enough that you’re looking forward to retelling it in your old age.
  7. The realization that you are actually going to have an old age—and some money set aside to help fund it.
  8. An e-mail address, a voice mailbox and a bank account—all of which nobody has access to but you.
  9. A résumé that is not even the slightest bit padded.
  10. One friend who always makes you laugh and one who lets you cry.
  11. A set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill and a black lace bra.
  12. Something ridiculously expensive that you bought for yourself, just because you deserve it.
  13. The belief that you deserve it.
  14. A skin-care regimen, an exercise routine and a plan for dealing with those few other facets of life that don’t get better after 30.
  15. A solid start on a satisfying career, a satisfying relationship and all those other facets of life that do get better.

By 30, you should know:

  1. How to fall in love without losing yourself.
  2. How you feel about having kids.
  3. How to quit a job, break up with a man and confront a friend without ruining the friendship.
  4. When to try harder and when to walk away.
  5. How to kiss in a way that communicates perfectly what you would and wouldn’t like to happen next.
  6. The names of: the secretary of state, your great-grandmother and the best tailor in town.
  7. How to live alone, even if you don’t like to.
  8. How to take control of your own birthday.
  9. That you can’t change the length of your calves, the width of your hips or the nature of your parents.
  10. That your childhood may not have been perfect, but it’s over.
  11. What you would and wouldn’t do for money or love.
  12. That nobody gets away with smoking, drinking, doing drugs or not flossing for very long.
  13. Who you can trust, who you can’t and why you shouldn’t take it personally.
  14. Not to apologize for something that isn’t your fault.
  15. Why they say life begins at 30.

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omg.

15 May

Exactly what I need. Another time suck. Who else is obsessed with Pinterest??? I can’t seem to get away from it and I simply LOVE it. Wow. But I seriously don’t need SOMETHING ELSE to take up the little amount of time I have each day. This is crazy.

Life is crazy. Short and sweet. Check out Pinterest. If you want an invite, let me know. Follow me. I’ll follow you back.

You’ll be hooked.

be who you are

4 May

This sums it up today. Sometimes I leave conversations thinking and feeling insecure about any and everything that I said. Did they like me because of the things I said? Do they not like me because of the things I said? Are they going to talk bad about me behind my back because of the things I said?

You know you think it too.

I hate insecurity. So much. But this rang true to me today. And reminded me that I am the one who chooses to surround myself with people who either like me FOR ME or don’t. Those that stick around regardless of what comes out of my mouth are the keepers anyways.

Not that bad things are coming out of my mouth. I just like to speak my mind and I’m not afraid to say what I think. I don’t mean to be intense, it’s just who I am.

It’s a work in progress. Aren’t we all?

* Image from HERE.

keeping ‘mom’ first

15 Apr

Tip #6- Keeping ‘Mom’ Before Work

I’ll be honest here. While I never truly lose sight of the fact that being mom should always come before work, sometimes I do forget it a little bit. I am a self-professed workaholic. I try to make sure that I find and keep balance in my life, but the truth is, I could and sometimes do, work WAY more hours that I actually need to. And it’s because I really love what I do and I want to succeed at what I do. I am blessed, this I know! But there are times in my life, like right now, when I have to remember that being a mom should and always will come before work. Right now, we are unpacking boxes, getting settled in a new place and I have work STACKING UP because I’ve had to focus on my home. But focusing on my home doesn’t count as focusing on my kids. So things have gotten done a little slower than I would have liked, simply because I’ve had to consciously make the decision to put their needs above work and above house cleaning and unpacking. It sounds easy, right?

You might be thinking, You work from home! Of course you can put your kids first because you are with them all the time!

No, friends. No. It’s so hard. Not because I don’t WANT to put them first everyday. But because I see what needs to get done and I have the computer staring me in the face screaming, “DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH WORK YOU HAVE TO DO???” and as the email notifications keep ringing. It would be so very easy to put on Sesame Street all day long and let the TV ‘watch’ my kids so I could get work done and help provide for my family.

But that’s not the kind of mom I want to be either.

So I have to daily, and even hourly, keep it in the forefront of my brain that it is ESSENTIAL that I be a mommy before work. And I do realize that I have the luxury to work while they play or sleep or watch TV. But it’s also hard because I get interrupted A LOT. Even during my ‘scheduled’ work times, I get interrupted A LOT. Naps don’t always go as planned, kids get sick or they wake up in the morning early. It’s a constant balancing act. But whenever Cruz asks me to go play in his room with him, I always try to go. If I’m answering an email and the boys need something, I try to drop everything. I want them to see that I work and to also know that mommy has other things she’s doing too. I don’t want them to think the world revolves around them and that they demand what I do or don’t do. There ARE times that I say, “Not right now”. But I want them to know, in the core of who they are, that being their mother is important to me. It’s MORE important to me than work. And while they will know that I do have to work and that there will be times that I can’t play, I want them to be secure in knowing that I KNOW that being their mom comes first to me. And I strive to show them that every day.

And it’s hard. I love what I do and there are times when I do wish that I had eight straight hours to work and not to be interrupted.

But then I remember that the time I have with them at this age is very limited and that it will go by in a blink of an eye. They will not be this young forever. They will grow up, go to school, make friends, have homework and not have time to spend with ME. And that really makes me sad. Growing up makes me sad, even though I am excited to watch them grow. So I try to treasure what I have with them RIGHT NOW. Because it won’t be forever. We aren’t even promised tomorrow so why would I waste today??

Let me encourage you. I know finding the balance between work and home life is hard. But try to remember to keep ‘mom’ before ‘work’. There will ALWAYS be work to do. It will ALWAYS be there. Our children will not always be there. They are growing and growing fast. They will be gone and out of the house before we know it. I know I want to look back and know that I spent as much time with them as I possibly could. Mostly, I want THEM to look back and to remember that no matter how much work I had to do and to get done, I always dropped it all to play and care for them.

It’s worth it, even though at times it’s hard.

* This photograph was taken by my friend Tanya as we were on location doing a photo shoot of THEIR family. Ha! It was so fun to bring the boys with us for once!! Tanya, there’s more to come of your shoot, I promise. But hats off to the photographer for this photograph! 😉 Love you!

post 400

16 Feb

This blog post number 400 comes at no better time.

Every time I reach another 100 posts, I like to take a little bit of time to reflect on the past posts and my life really. I like to think about where I was 100 posts ago and to consider where the next 100 posts are going to take me. This time, I find myself coming out of a difficult chapter in my life. Transitioning with two kids has been pretty hard for me and if you read here regularly, you’ve heard this before. But I really feel like I’ve gained some clarity and that I’m moving forward with some pretty exciting things ahead. I’ve been considering a lot of different things. Researching a lot of different things.

And dreaming about many more.

My whole idea of what it means to be a woman and a mom is completely changing these days. I’ve had some very encouraging and very discouraging conversations with friends and people over the past few weeks that’s really got my brain spinning over what it means to be who I was created to be. I’m really struggling with the typical mom stereotype, but I also find myself enjoying certain aspects of it to. Finding balance, digging to the core of my soul to figure out what I’m passionate about (within my passion, if that makes sense) and working to break the barrier of stereotypes is what I’ve been focusing on.

And I’m not even sure how to do all of that.

We are getting ready to launch our new website for Session Nine Photography here in a couple weeks and I am SO excited about the new direction that we are taking our art, our passion and our business. Things that I find inspiring are shifting. People that I find inspiring are changing. My ideas for this blog are changing- sort of. We’ve got nothing but good and exciting things coming down the pipeline and I feel anxious, exhilarated, inadequate, excited, unsure and totally confident- all rolled into one big ball of emotions.

I’m finding that it sure is complicated being a woman and mom- at least the kind I want to be. And at the end of all of it, it comes down to this for me: I desperately want my boys to grow up and remember how I found passion in this life. I want them to know that I worked hard as their mother, yes. But also as my own self. I am not lost here. I am not forgotten. And while it may be complicated- this place that I am in- I desire to find a balance between all things so that they may know that life isn’t over when you become a mom. Life changes when you become a parent. But it doesn’t have to be what the stereotype says it’s all about. I’m excited to teach them that and to allow them to watch me rediscover who I am, all the while they are a huge part of my life.

So I know this post is weird. I’m in the middle of a transition, so to speak, as I am embarking on the next 100 posts. But I feel like I’m on the brink of something- and I’m not sure what. I guess I feel like I’m on the brink of rediscovering ME.

Isn’t that what this is all about for all of us?

healthy updates

7 Feb

I’ve found that I’m pretty good at writing posts on this blog about one topic, saying that there will be updates, and then not really following through on actually giving you the updates. Life just gets hectic and I sorta forget that you don’t always know how things have ended up for me. So I wanted to make sure that I did fill you in on a few things that have gone on or that are going on in my life and catch you up to speed. If you want to be caught up. I don’t know. There’s just several things that have changed for me, things I’m doing differently than when I had originally blogged about them and I forgot that I never actually did fill you in on the latest.

So here it goes. In chronological order.

I’m warning you though. Most of the things that I have changed in my life were a direct result of the Postpartum Depression (PPD) that I have struggled with in the recent weeks. So I’m going to bring that up a lot.

First things first- Weight Watchers. I started doing Weight Watchers right after Rider was born. Well, let’s back up. I started doing Weight Watchers BEFORE Cruz was ever even conceived and I lost 50 pounds through the program. I lost all my baby weight after I had Cruz doing the program and so it would be natural to assume that I am doing Weight Watchers again now that Rider is here. And you’d be right. I am still doing the program. But, two weeks after Rider was born I thought I was going to just jump in and start losing weight, but I had no idea as to the frame of mind I was actually in. So I stopped doing the program mid-November because I just could not get my life together, I was so busy with two kiddos, still nursing, and Jason was gone a lot. So it was really hard to do much of anything, let alone track, count and write down all my points on a daily basis. So I stopped.

Right before Christmas, I decided to stop using cloth diapers. I really loved the gDiapers, but I really honestly found that by mid-December I just wasn’t in the right frame of mind to be adding more tasks, more stress, more CLEANING to my life. I used them for almost 4 months and was sad and relieved at the same time, to stop using them. At this point, I knew that something was wrong with me but I didn’t really know what. It was the Christmas season and I honestly wanted it to be over this past year. I didn’t find it joyful. It was far from relaxing. I wasn’t in the spirit to decorate or shop or do anything that you are supposed to do around the holidays. I never turned on Christmas music. I barely decorated the house. I don’t even think I watched Elf, and it’s my favorite! It was a sad time of year for me and I couldn’t figure out why. Nor could I shake it. I was glad that I was ambitious enough to try the cloth diapers, but at the end of the day, I decided to stop using them because I just couldn’t even really focus on the basic daily tasks without losing it. So it was one thing I had to take off my plate. I still have all my diapers and I am considering selling them, so let me know if you are interested. gDiapers are great diapers and I will recommend them to anyone! I was glad I tried them and they fit and worked great on Rider. Sometimes you just gotta choose your battles, you know?

Christmas Day was fantastic and I actually got into the Christmas spirit finally. New Years was awesome too. But then that first week of January, something happened hormonally I think. I had a couple really, really bad days where I could just not get it together. I would just cry and cry and cry. And for no real reason. I just new I felt really, really sad. I just cried a lot for a good few days. It kinda freaked me out, but I could not control it. Then I started feeling like I didn’t want to get out of bed. I didn’t want to leave the house and my anxiety was at an all time high. So that’s when I went to the doctor and was diagnosed with a mild case of PPD. She gave me a prescription for a low dose of medication that was going to help me and I left actually feeling better that I had actually reached out for help.

It was during this week that I decided to stop nursing Rider. And that’s all I’m going to say about that in this forum. If you know me personally and want to know why, I’ll gladly talk to you about it. I just don’t really feel the need to justify myself or my decision regarding that topic here on my blog. So if you want to know, definitely just ask me. But just know that it was a decision that was in the best interest of everyone involved, especially Rider. And I have no guilt associated with stopping whatsoever. And he’s healthy and happy and so there.

After I went to the doctor and after I stopped nursing, I started to actually feel like myself again. No more crazy Jessica who could seriously lose it at any point in time. I started enjoying stuff again and actually wanted to leave the house. What a relief! It’s very unlike me to want to only be home for days on end, but for a few weeks there I had no desire to do anything really. I went through the motions and I did leave the house from time to time, but only because I knew that Cruz needed to get out. It was great to feel the ‘fog lift’ again, and to start getting back to normal.

It was this week that I decided to join Weight Watchers again. And I’ve decided to actually attend the meetings this time around. My very first time with Weight Watchers, I weighed in every week for the accountability, but I never really actually stayed for the meetings. I lost 50 pounds, so I kept myself self motivated and stayed on track easily. This time around, I really think I need the motivation. I have the desire to lose all the baby weight, but my body is just completely different now that I’ve had two kids. At the meetings, I really get to hear from others and how they are having success in it. I don’t really know many people who are doing (and sticking to) Weight Watchers, so it’s hard to relate sometimes. The meetings have been very helpful and I have been writing everything down and trying to eat well. I love Weight Watchers because if you make a mistake or if you want to ‘cheat’, it gives you freedom. It’s amazing. So, I’m on my way to being thinner again and I’m excited about it!

Rider’s schedule has really begun to click even more than it did a few months ago. He’s eating 4 times a day and three of those feedings include solids. So far he’s had apples, squash, green beans, pears, peaches, and sweet potatoes. And he likes and eats it all! Well, he gags a little on peas, but who really likes peas any way? Especially baby food peas. Gross. But he’s doing awesome and growing like a weed. I love that we have a pretty consistent schedule in place and that I can count on consistent naps and feeding times. Cruz is doing better too, meaning, I think he’s pretty well adjusted to Rider’s arrival (almost 6 months later!) and he’s been a lot easier too. So that’s been a huge load off because his adjustment to Rider coming was pretty difficult. I just don’t understand people who don’t experience an adjustment to two kids. I guess it can be easy for some, but it was really hard for me.

I wouldn’t change any of it.

We got through it and I have learned so much these past few months. I think the biggest thing that I have learned, and am still learning, is how to be a confident mom. I’m learning how to be a confident woman. And I’m learning how to be a confident mom and woman together. It’s hard to be truly confident, especially when there’s so much for us to compare ourselves to. I truly hate comparison. I hate that mom’s compare each other to other mom’s. I hate that you can actually feel worse about yourself by comparing yourself to others and what they have. It’s so hard. But, in my opinion, all comparison does is create anxiety. All anxiety does is create worry. And all worry does is making you focus on things that aren’t important. What’s important to me is the kind of mom I want to be. And I don’t necessarily want to be one that looks like I have it all together all the time- because most days I don’t! But I do want to be one that takes good care of my kids, takes good care of my family and loves them. The rest is all small details. I found through all of this that motherhood doesn’t have to be done only one certain way. It doesn’t matter if you breast feed or formula feed or what brand names you have. It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter what others think of or say about me behind my back. I’m choosing to take care of my kids the best way I see fit. And in taking care of me, I’m taking care of them in better ways than I ever could. I’m learning to make decisions for my family and be confident in them. What does it matter what others think? Let them talk or judge or whatever. I don’t care.

So it’s safe to say that I am feeling way better. Things are as they should be at the moment. Nothing is perfect, but it’s ok. I feel better and not so much like a looney toon. And that is important because I’ve gotta be able to see through the fog and take care of two little guys who have no idea that I just went through all that. So it feels good to be in the place that I’m in. As sketchy as it was for a bit, I’m doing a lot better.

And oddly, I do think that if God allows, there will be a third little Williams baby. Anytime soon? NO. But someday? Ya, maybe. We’ll see!

random for 2011

4 Jan

Oddly, I don’t have anything to really say at the moment. Weird. I’m having a weird week so far. We’ve been working and dreaming and planning A LOT lately. Some changes are coming down the way, and we are excited for them. I’m anxious for them to be in full swing. I’m missing certain people in my life. Reflecting a lot on where we were at this time last year. I miss my house in Gilbert, but only because we built it together and I miss being in a house. Other than that, I find myself being very content with where we are at.

It’s kind of refreshing because usually I struggle with being content.

But I have everything I need or could want mostly. Honestly.

And that’s where I’m at today. Are you finding that my blogs are all over the place with wherever my hormones are at in that moment? Yea. Me too. I still find myself waiting for the rollercoaster of emotions to contain themselves, I think.

Geesh. What a ride.

Oh and since I haven’t said it yet, Happy New Year! May 2011 not be as confusing as I am being right now!