Tag Archives: gloomy

gloom

3 Sep

I’m feeling gloomy today. Do you ever feel like that? I have been feeling like I haven’t been that great of a friend lately. And today it’s hitting me and I guess that’s what’s making me feel down.

Before I had Cruz, all of my time and efforts were pointed towards Jason and all of my friends. I had many lunch dates, I could go out after work, weekend etc. I still do these things. Having a baby definitely changed everything, but I actually still do see a lot of my friends and try to make time for others as much as possible.

But it doesn’t feel the same.

I spend so much time working (not as much as I would if I worked in an office, Jason always reminds me), but it’s been really hard for me to find a balance lately. I feel like I’m on the ‘taking’ end of friendships a lot these days. So many people help us out. So many people watch Cruz for us while we work. So many people do so much and go out of their way for us so much.

I haven’t been as good at ‘giving’ of myself to people as I would like. My fear is that people will just see me as a ‘taker’ and I hate that. It’s just a season, I know. And the true friends that I will have in this life will stick around no matter what. This season will pass and then I will be able to give more of myself in a new season.

But for now I’m struggling with it. Finding balance in any situation you’re in is hard. I just miss a lot of my friends. My attention is always focused on Cruz and our business. It has to be because we’re just trying to make ends meet right now. And even though I’m working at something that I love more than any job I’ve ever had, sometimes it’s stressful. I don’t wish for things to be different at all. But our current situation is leaving little time for me to cherish my friends the way I want to.

And I hate that.

Book ClubthelabLisa, Katelyn, Katie & Jess

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