Tag Archives: forgiveness

forgiveness- revisited

13 Feb

I wrote a post over a year ago about forgiveness. I have been thinking about it a lot lately, and so I wanted to repost it here. Sometimes I really like going back and seeing what was on my heart over a year ago. It shows me how much I have or haven’t grown. And reminds me of the journey that we are ALL on as people. And it frightens me that someday I’ll have to explain forgiveness to my two little boys, not only in a way that they’ll understand it. But also in a way that they will see me living it out in my own life.

Whoa.

Anyways. I hope this post encourages you, no matter what or who you are struggling with. Sin sucks. We all deal with it. We all wound one another.

And we all struggle with forgiveness.

Repost from December 2009

I’m learning a lot about forgiveness right now. It’s not an easy lesson to learn, and can cause a great deal of pain. I’m not only learning what it looks like to truly forgive someone, but also what it looks like when someone doesn’t forgive YOU. Even if you’ve asked several times. This is one of the things that is causing a great deal of anxiety because I’m not really sure what to do if you’ve truly asked for forgiveness, apologized for a wrong, and it still isn’t accepted. Do you keep asking? Do you let the anxiety of it not being accepted just fester? Do you wait for time to heal your heart?

We always just expect people to forgive us, especially once we’ve asked. And once I’m aware that I’ve wronged someone, I really like to try to fix/clear up any issues that there may be. I really value my friends and family and don’t want there to be unresolved issues. There isn’t any reason why we as adults can’t communicate and clear the air.

So what do you do once you’ve done as much as you can, and it doesn’t matter? You’ve asked for forgiveness, apologized more than once, and it’s still not received. Do you let the friendship go? Do you try harder? Do you just forgive them for not forgiving you?

A lesson in forgiveness will be one that I will continually learn through the course of my life. We are human, after all. And while we do love one another, we are going to wound each other. I’m trying to surround myself with people who get that and who want friendships that can be built on the foundations of love, forgiveness and mercy.

And I’m trying to pray for the others who don’t.

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be the first one

10 Jul

We have this book that I keep out on purpose. It’s called Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff… And It’s All Small Stuff by Richard Carlson. I’m not sure who gave it to us or how it came to be ours. Actually, just as I typed that I thought I’d look into the book to double check and make sure there wasn’t a note inside from whoever gave it to us. And there was. Ha! It was given to me while I worked at Westcor from a customer who thought I needed this book.

I can tend to be a stress case at times. In case you didn’t know.

Anyways. I picked it up today for no reason at all. Sometimes I just like to read one or two of the small chapters for encouragement or just to think on. Sometimes they hit me with where I’m at in life and other times they don’t hit me at all. Today I opened right up to chapter 15 titled Be The First One To Act Loving Or Reach Out. And it was a great, great reminder. It reminded me that I can tend to have a lot of pride when it comes to relationships and people in my life sometimes. That I can tend to dwell on the wrong that was done to me instead of focusing on how important the relationship with whoever I’m struggling with is or once was. I forget that Jesus wouldn’t stubbornly wait for the other to right the wrong first. He would have reached out to make it right first. FIRST. It’s such a hard thing for me to remember and to learn. Especially when you are so convinced that you are right and that your feelings were more valid that theirs.

It’s hard.

This is what the short excerpt says. It really spoke to me today:

” So many of us hold onto little resentments that may have stemmed from an argument, a misunderstanding, the way we were raised, or some other painful event. Stubbornly, we wait for someone else to reach out to us- believing this is the only way we can forgive or rekindle a friendship or family relationship.

An acquaintance of mine, who’s health isn’t very good, recently told me that she hasn’t spoken to her son in almost three years. “Why not?” I asked. She said that she and her son had had a disagreement about his wife and that she wouldn’t speak to him again unless he called first. When I suggested that she be the one to reach out, she resisted initially and said, ” I can’t do that. He’s the one who should apologize.” She was literally willing to die before reaching out to her only son. After a little gentle encouragement, however, she did decide to be the first one to reach out. To her amazement, her son was grateful for her willingness to call and offered an apology of his own. As is usually the case when someone takes the chance and reaches out, everyone wins.

Whenever we hold onto our anger, we turn “small stuff” into really “big stuff” in our minds. We start to believe that our positions are more important than our happiness. They are not. If you want to be a more peaceful person you must understand that being right is almost never more important than allowing yourself to be happy. The way to be happy is to let go, and reach out. Let other people be right. This doesn’t mean that you’re wrong. Everything will be fine. You’ll experience the peace of letting go, as well as the joy of letting others be right. You’ll also notice that, as you reach out and let others be “right”, they will become less defensive and more loving toward you. They might even reach back. But, if for some reason they don’t, that’s ok too. You’ll have the inner satisfaction of knowing that you have done your part to create a more loving world, and certainly you’ll be more peaceful with yourself.”

It’s super hard I know. It’s something I’m working on constantly and watching others around me work on too. It’s not easy, but it’s so necessary sometimes.

What do you need to let go of? Who do you need to reach out to? Life’s too short not to at least try.

forgiveness

15 Dec

I’m learning a lot about forgiveness right now. It’s not an easy lesson to learn, and can cause a great deal of pain. I’m not only learning what it looks like to truly forgive someone, but also what it looks like when someone doesn’t forgive YOU. Even if you’ve asked several times. This is one of the things that is causing a great deal of anxiety because I’m not really sure what to do if you’ve truly asked for forgiveness, apologized for a wrong, and it still isn’t accepted. Do you keep asking? Do you let the anxiety of it not being accepted just fester? Do you wait for time to heal your heart?

We always just expect people to forgive us, especially once we’ve asked. And once I’m aware that I’ve wronged someone, I really like to try to fix/clear up any issues that there may be. I really value my friends and family and don’t want there to be unresolved issues. There isn’t any reason why we as adults can’t communicate and clear the air.

So what do you do once you’ve done as much as you can, and it doesn’t matter? You’ve asked for forgiveness, apologized more than once, and it’s still not received. Do you let the friendship go? Do you try harder? Do you just forgive them for not forgiving you?

A lesson in forgiveness will be one that I will continually learn through the course of my life. We are human, after all. And while we do love one another, we are going to wound each other. I’m trying to surround myself with people who get that and who want friendships that can be built on the foundations of love, forgiveness and mercy.

And I’m trying to pray for the others who don’t.