Tag Archives: baby

dear rider,

7 Jul

First of all, look at how stinkin’ cute you are. I mean, honestly.

You started crawling this week!! Your first time crawling was on the 4th of July and we were at Grammy’s house. I was sitting with you on the floor, feeding you, when you noticed all the toys Grammy has for you at her house and you took off crawling. It was such a great moment! You were a little wobbly but definitely on a mission to get to those toys. And you made it! As soon as you did, you grabbed the toy you were after and rolled over onto your back to play with it.

Very you.

Ever since then, you’ve been on the go! It’s such a fun stage you’re in and I’m honestly loving every minute of it. I can’t believe you’ll be 10 months old in three days. Which means in two months you’ll be a year old. And that is wild. It’s going so fast!

You also said your first word this week!! And let it be announced to the world that, your very first word EVER was ‘MAMMA!’. You always look right at me and say, “Mamma!” and it melts my heart every time. I can’t wait to hear all the funny jokes and things you are going to say. I can’t wait to hear the conversations between you and your brother as you play and make up games. I can’t wait to watch you grow together. Well, I guess I’m doing that now! Ha!

You are such a fun, sweet and special boy. You have the sweetest spirit and you go with the flow every day. We love you more than anything and are so proud of your milestones that you’ve reached this week. You are growing so fast and getting so big.

I love you and all the joy that you bring to our lives. I can’t imagine our life without you in it.

I will love you forever,

Mommy

 

 

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newest explorer

16 Jun

I better post this quick! Rider is ALMOST about to crawl. Praise God. The time has come and I am SO excited for him as his adventure in this life is about to begin!! Every kid becomes an explorer as soon as they learn to crawl and I just really eat it all up. I think it’s SUCH a fun phase! Most people see it as a nuisance. You have to watch/chase them more. There is A LOT of dirt that they might try to eat. And there are a lot of things that are dangerous for them to get into. I love it.

Not the dangerous things. Ha. The FREEDOM they gain!

Yes, it’s more work for me, but I think it’s so much fun!! I don’t mind the chasing and dirt eating. It just means that they will wear themselves out and will take a good nap come the afternoon. So I thought I’d post these pictures quick. I took these pictures yesterday, at which point he hadn’t figured out how to get up on his knees. Although he was close.

TODAY. He got up on his knees and figured out two things. One: that he could rock back and forth. And Two: that he could crawl backwards. Forwards is next, obviously, and I don’t anticipate it being long before he figures that one out!

Watching them grow is the best. I wish I could keep them at age 1 forever. I’m about to have two boys within my most favorite age range ever. And I know I’m going to blink and it’s going to be over and they’ll be older. Savor it all mammas. As busy as I am and as much as I AM anxious for them to be older for certain things, I do know that this season will be over so quickly and I’ll be fondly remembering all the fun and not so fun things wishing they were small again.

They get big fast.

For now, I’ve had a new ‘wind’ of appreciation/inspiration in remembering and learning to actually be present. So today, I’m glad in the fact that my littlest man is learning how to become the world’s next explorer.

happy mom’s day

8 May

Exactly two point five years ago, a little boy completely changed my life when he was born. Exactly eight months ago, another little boy completely changed my life AGAIN when he was born.

I didn’t really think that you could possibly love two children equally as each other. But I understand now.

These two little boys have been the light of my life over the course of these past couple years. And although being a mom really IS the hardest thing I’ve ever done, I wouldn’t change one single second of it. Cliche? Yes, I know. It is. But it’s true. I have never learned so much about myself, Jason, others, the world and God as I have since they’ve entered my life.

And although I’m typing this as I’m listening to them both NOT NAPPING LIKE THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO BE, I realize that I am lucky. God has blessed me with two little boys and the ability to stay home with them and watch them grow.

Happy Mom’s Day to me. Happy Mom’s Day to ALL of you. You all deserve to feel special today. Because being a mom is hard. And we all deserve a little TLC.

* These photos were taken on location during a recent photo shoot with close friends of ours. We love taking the boys whenever appropriate and are fortunate for generous clients and friends who let us do so. Kristina, your pictures of YOUR boys and Kayla are to die for cute. I can’t wait for you to see them! It won’t be long!! xo

don’t rush

19 Feb

I always find myself wanting the boys, especially Rider, to hurry up and grow up. Not really grow up to be adults quickly or anything. But I often catch myself wishing for some aspects of the baby phase to be over. Am I normal for wanting it to breeze by sometimes? Am I a horrible mom for thinking that? Sometimes I feel like it. The truth is, I don’t really want them to grow up quickly. Not even one little bit. BUT, there are some aspects of the baby phase that I’m impatient about.

Rider will be 6 months old next week and he has YET to roll over. Well, he rolled over once. He can roll to his side and I KNOW he’s capable of rolling, he just has yet to do it. I definitely do not have a little rollie pollie on my hands. He hates tummy time. I mean, loathes it with a passion. Anytime I put him there, unless it’s first thing in the morning, he screams and fusses and cries until I move him. He’s rather be sitting in his bumbo seat or standing up in his saucer. He hasn’t figured out how to hold his bottle yet or sit up on his own either. He’s only belly laughed like, twice in his entire life while all other babies I know that are his age are laughing up a storm. I find myself comparing all Cruz’s milestones to where Rider is at and wondering, ‘What is going on?’. I find myself growing impatient and ready for him to gain a little more independence from me.

Yesterday, this thought process stopped me dead in my tracks. Someday- SOMEDAY- I am going to miss this phase so deeply. And I’m going to remember that all I wanted was for him to GROW UP ALREADY. How sad will that moment be? So, instead of worrying about why he isn’t hitting these milestones when the books say he should, I am choosing to RELAX about it already. Something that is very hard for me to do. But the truth is, I don’t want him to rush really. I want him to be his unique self and reach these milestones in his time and when he’s ready. No more rushing or pushing or comparing from me. I don’t want to look back and remember how I really did just wish the baby phase away. Yes, it’s hard. But it’s only here once. And then you blink, and it’s over. And he WILL gain his independence soon enough. And I’ll be wishing I could still swaddle him, cuddle him and that he couldn’t escape my embrace.

So, sweet boy. Don’t rush. Take your time. And when you roll or sit up or crawl or walk, I’ll be your cheerleader. And I’ll try to stop wishing this phase away and enjoy YOU right where you are at. For you are special, right in this very moment.

healthy updates

7 Feb

I’ve found that I’m pretty good at writing posts on this blog about one topic, saying that there will be updates, and then not really following through on actually giving you the updates. Life just gets hectic and I sorta forget that you don’t always know how things have ended up for me. So I wanted to make sure that I did fill you in on a few things that have gone on or that are going on in my life and catch you up to speed. If you want to be caught up. I don’t know. There’s just several things that have changed for me, things I’m doing differently than when I had originally blogged about them and I forgot that I never actually did fill you in on the latest.

So here it goes. In chronological order.

I’m warning you though. Most of the things that I have changed in my life were a direct result of the Postpartum Depression (PPD) that I have struggled with in the recent weeks. So I’m going to bring that up a lot.

First things first- Weight Watchers. I started doing Weight Watchers right after Rider was born. Well, let’s back up. I started doing Weight Watchers BEFORE Cruz was ever even conceived and I lost 50 pounds through the program. I lost all my baby weight after I had Cruz doing the program and so it would be natural to assume that I am doing Weight Watchers again now that Rider is here. And you’d be right. I am still doing the program. But, two weeks after Rider was born I thought I was going to just jump in and start losing weight, but I had no idea as to the frame of mind I was actually in. So I stopped doing the program mid-November because I just could not get my life together, I was so busy with two kiddos, still nursing, and Jason was gone a lot. So it was really hard to do much of anything, let alone track, count and write down all my points on a daily basis. So I stopped.

Right before Christmas, I decided to stop using cloth diapers. I really loved the gDiapers, but I really honestly found that by mid-December I just wasn’t in the right frame of mind to be adding more tasks, more stress, more CLEANING to my life. I used them for almost 4 months and was sad and relieved at the same time, to stop using them. At this point, I knew that something was wrong with me but I didn’t really know what. It was the Christmas season and I honestly wanted it to be over this past year. I didn’t find it joyful. It was far from relaxing. I wasn’t in the spirit to decorate or shop or do anything that you are supposed to do around the holidays. I never turned on Christmas music. I barely decorated the house. I don’t even think I watched Elf, and it’s my favorite! It was a sad time of year for me and I couldn’t figure out why. Nor could I shake it. I was glad that I was ambitious enough to try the cloth diapers, but at the end of the day, I decided to stop using them because I just couldn’t even really focus on the basic daily tasks without losing it. So it was one thing I had to take off my plate. I still have all my diapers and I am considering selling them, so let me know if you are interested. gDiapers are great diapers and I will recommend them to anyone! I was glad I tried them and they fit and worked great on Rider. Sometimes you just gotta choose your battles, you know?

Christmas Day was fantastic and I actually got into the Christmas spirit finally. New Years was awesome too. But then that first week of January, something happened hormonally I think. I had a couple really, really bad days where I could just not get it together. I would just cry and cry and cry. And for no real reason. I just new I felt really, really sad. I just cried a lot for a good few days. It kinda freaked me out, but I could not control it. Then I started feeling like I didn’t want to get out of bed. I didn’t want to leave the house and my anxiety was at an all time high. So that’s when I went to the doctor and was diagnosed with a mild case of PPD. She gave me a prescription for a low dose of medication that was going to help me and I left actually feeling better that I had actually reached out for help.

It was during this week that I decided to stop nursing Rider. And that’s all I’m going to say about that in this forum. If you know me personally and want to know why, I’ll gladly talk to you about it. I just don’t really feel the need to justify myself or my decision regarding that topic here on my blog. So if you want to know, definitely just ask me. But just know that it was a decision that was in the best interest of everyone involved, especially Rider. And I have no guilt associated with stopping whatsoever. And he’s healthy and happy and so there.

After I went to the doctor and after I stopped nursing, I started to actually feel like myself again. No more crazy Jessica who could seriously lose it at any point in time. I started enjoying stuff again and actually wanted to leave the house. What a relief! It’s very unlike me to want to only be home for days on end, but for a few weeks there I had no desire to do anything really. I went through the motions and I did leave the house from time to time, but only because I knew that Cruz needed to get out. It was great to feel the ‘fog lift’ again, and to start getting back to normal.

It was this week that I decided to join Weight Watchers again. And I’ve decided to actually attend the meetings this time around. My very first time with Weight Watchers, I weighed in every week for the accountability, but I never really actually stayed for the meetings. I lost 50 pounds, so I kept myself self motivated and stayed on track easily. This time around, I really think I need the motivation. I have the desire to lose all the baby weight, but my body is just completely different now that I’ve had two kids. At the meetings, I really get to hear from others and how they are having success in it. I don’t really know many people who are doing (and sticking to) Weight Watchers, so it’s hard to relate sometimes. The meetings have been very helpful and I have been writing everything down and trying to eat well. I love Weight Watchers because if you make a mistake or if you want to ‘cheat’, it gives you freedom. It’s amazing. So, I’m on my way to being thinner again and I’m excited about it!

Rider’s schedule has really begun to click even more than it did a few months ago. He’s eating 4 times a day and three of those feedings include solids. So far he’s had apples, squash, green beans, pears, peaches, and sweet potatoes. And he likes and eats it all! Well, he gags a little on peas, but who really likes peas any way? Especially baby food peas. Gross. But he’s doing awesome and growing like a weed. I love that we have a pretty consistent schedule in place and that I can count on consistent naps and feeding times. Cruz is doing better too, meaning, I think he’s pretty well adjusted to Rider’s arrival (almost 6 months later!) and he’s been a lot easier too. So that’s been a huge load off because his adjustment to Rider coming was pretty difficult. I just don’t understand people who don’t experience an adjustment to two kids. I guess it can be easy for some, but it was really hard for me.

I wouldn’t change any of it.

We got through it and I have learned so much these past few months. I think the biggest thing that I have learned, and am still learning, is how to be a confident mom. I’m learning how to be a confident woman. And I’m learning how to be a confident mom and woman together. It’s hard to be truly confident, especially when there’s so much for us to compare ourselves to. I truly hate comparison. I hate that mom’s compare each other to other mom’s. I hate that you can actually feel worse about yourself by comparing yourself to others and what they have. It’s so hard. But, in my opinion, all comparison does is create anxiety. All anxiety does is create worry. And all worry does is making you focus on things that aren’t important. What’s important to me is the kind of mom I want to be. And I don’t necessarily want to be one that looks like I have it all together all the time- because most days I don’t! But I do want to be one that takes good care of my kids, takes good care of my family and loves them. The rest is all small details. I found through all of this that motherhood doesn’t have to be done only one certain way. It doesn’t matter if you breast feed or formula feed or what brand names you have. It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter what others think of or say about me behind my back. I’m choosing to take care of my kids the best way I see fit. And in taking care of me, I’m taking care of them in better ways than I ever could. I’m learning to make decisions for my family and be confident in them. What does it matter what others think? Let them talk or judge or whatever. I don’t care.

So it’s safe to say that I am feeling way better. Things are as they should be at the moment. Nothing is perfect, but it’s ok. I feel better and not so much like a looney toon. And that is important because I’ve gotta be able to see through the fog and take care of two little guys who have no idea that I just went through all that. So it feels good to be in the place that I’m in. As sketchy as it was for a bit, I’m doing a lot better.

And oddly, I do think that if God allows, there will be a third little Williams baby. Anytime soon? NO. But someday? Ya, maybe. We’ll see!

disneyland 2011

31 Jan

Pardon my absence. We’ve been vacationing in Disneyland for the past few days and with two little guys, that’s hardly a vacation! I hardly had time to think, let alone blog or do anything else! Ha! It was a very fun trip, although doing Disneyland with your small kiddos is quite a different experience than with zero children. We were so excited to take Cruz though. Since he’s now two, we were stoked to watch him take it all in and somewhat understand and remember this trip. And we were right! He’s still talking about it and talked about it the whole way home! I did manage to take a few pictures, although I intended to take many more. That’s what happens when you have a 5 month old who hates his life the entire trip.

Seriously. Rider couldn’t have been more difficult.

But we started out the trip in the car with NEW cars for Cruz to play with! He loved it. We even set up our laptop so he could watch the movie Cars, Toy Story and even Monsters, Inc. Definitely made traveling with him a little easier in the car.

We stopped to let him play at McDonald’s and to feed Rider. We got him a new car and decided that spoiling him a little bit on this trip wouldn’t do any harm. Not like he needs another car, but he was excited to get a new one nonetheless. At this point in the trip, Rider wasn’t fussy at all. He had slept the whole way and was a pretty happy and content little guy!

And then after a couple more hours in the car, little man was tuckered out. Aw.

Then we got there and checked into our house. Yes, you heard me. HOUSE. If you are ever traveling anywhere, especially with a lot of people, you NEED to check out HomeAway.com. We were able to rent a 6 bedroom, 5 bathroom house for super cheap for 3 nights! There was 9 of us, including the boys and everyone had their own rooms and bathrooms, basically. Cruz and Rider each had their own rooms too! It was so nice to be able to spread out and be comfortable while we were gone. Hotels are great, but they get pretty pricy quickly and you usually don’t have the option of a suite that’s big enough for 9 people without it being super expensive. I ALWAYS check HomeAway.com before I resort to hotels if I can because it’s an awesome way to stay places for pretty inexpensively! Check it out for sure.

We got up the next morning and headed to Disneyland!! This is where I didn’t take as many pictures as I would have hoped. Rider was a PILL the ENTIRE day. I think he was cold all day long, but I couldn’t figure out what the problem was. I tried to bundle him up, feed him often, change his diaper, check his teeth- EVERYTHING. He was not happy. I then thought (stupidly) that I would take him on a couple of the rides that you can bring babies on and see if that would distract him. First, (and I’m not really sure why) I took him on Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride. Which, looking back was a horrible mistake. Ha! It was too much overstimulation and he was a wreck when we got out.

THEN, I thought I’d be clear to take him on Pirates of the Caribbean. Again, another HUGE mistake. He screamed, and I mean SCREAMED, the whole time. It ended with me sitting in the boat sobbing with him. All any of us could hear was a screaming baby. No fun for anyone. When we got off the boat, I apologized PROFUSELY to the strangers that sat on the back half of our boat and they were very nice and gracious to me. They said, at first they thought the baby cries were apart of the ride! Haha!! Yea, they were definitely just MY baby actually screaming. *Sigh* So Rider didn’t go on any other rides after that. But he was very difficult the whole rest of the day. And I couldn’t figure it out.

Cruz, on the other hand, was such a good boy! He obeyed and loved every minute of being in Disneyland! We ran into Woody and Jesse too! The line was SO long, so we didn’t wait for a photo op, but we did stand off to the side so he could see them. Then, Jesse decided to come over to give Cruz a high five even though we weren’t in line!! It was so great. I don’t have a picture of it but I do have a video of it. Here’s a picture before Jesse came over.

My mom FINALLY got Rider to go to sleep. This is after he had been awake and fussy and screaming for 6 hours. Yes, from 8 am until almost 2 he was awake and a VERY unhappy little camper. Grammy to the rescue!

The next day, I layered Rider’s clothes like crazy and then I brought several blankets to keep him warm in his seat, as well as hats and more socks. And low and behold, it worked! Come nap time, he actually slept for about an hour and a half in his seat on the second day we were there. What a relief! I felt like I could actually enjoy Disneyland with my family and not have to worry about Rider. He was obviously way more comfortable this day, which is why I thought maybe he was too cold on the first day. Weird, because I thought I had dressed him warmly! But he was not the happy kid we are so used to. This was more like it.

We grabbed breakfast every morning at Ralph Brennan’s Jazz Kitchen at Downtown Disney. Um, YUM. They have these amazing bengets and egg sandwiches too! It was so fun being with family!

Cruz is a bit obsessed with the Pixar movie Cars, so we were thrilled to run into these two!

Every time we wanted to ride any of the rides, we always had two of us get a Baby Pass (which is AWESOME) and wait with the kiddos while everyone else went on whichever ride we were at. My sister and I were waiting outside of Tower of Terror as everyone else ran to ride it, and while we were waiting these toy soldiers from Toy Story came out and performed for a crowd that was there! It was SO cute! Cruz calls the toy soldiers ‘guys’ every time he sees them, so he just kept shouting, ‘Hi Guys!’ haha! It was too cute! Now that we’re home, he keeps talking about seeing ‘The Guys’. Too funny.

And of course we followed Woody around the whole entire theme park.

I sorta failed at taking good, amazing pictures this weekend. Like I said, I had a pretty cranky baby on my hands and while I did have a lot of family that helped a lot, there was just a lot going on so I wasn’t able to focus on that. Ugh. But I did snap one shot while we saw World of Color inside California Adventure. If you ever get a chance, you HAVE TO GO SEE IT. It’s phenomenal. I mean, it’s unlike anything I’ve seen and I can’t wait to go back to see it again!! For most of it, my mom held Rider and he and Cruz both were mesmerized by the show! It was incredible! I have video of it and I kind of want to post it, but I’m afraid it doesn’t do it justice.

The rest of the trip was great. We went on lots of rides, ate way too much food, and had a blast!! On our way home, the boys were much fussier than they were on the way there. So we had to make extra stops, which made for a long day yesterday! But Jason’s hat kept everyone occupied and laughing.

Then we got word that my mom, sister and brother-in-laws car broke down right outside of Indio! They had to be towed back to Indio to see what the problem was, and it turns out that there was a major problem with the radiator. Now, I’m no mechanic, but I do know that that is not good. They ended up having to stay the night in Indio, rent a car, and are having to tow Cameron’s car back to Phoenix. What a mess! We felt so bad for them but are happy that everyone is ok for sure. Other than that, we all had a great family vacation! We are already planning our next trip for this November!! We love Disneyland and we LOVE going there as a family. As hard as it was to have Rider in the park, I’d do it all over again for the experience of it. It was hard and exhausting. But it was so much fun!

Oh and I have to leave you with a picture of Rider in his new ‘ears’ we got him while we were there. I saw the beanie Mickey ears and he HAD to have them!! More like, I had to have them I guess. Ha!

dear rider,

23 Jan

I am already learning so much about you and your sweet little personality. You are SO different from your brother! Everyone laughs at how different you two look, and I am loving every minute of it. I love that you both are so different. You are special and unique and so incredibly loved by this family. You are a lot more laid back than your brother. You are content to just hang out and watch him run around you, showing you his cars and other various toys. He’s learning how to ‘share’ with you, even though you aren’t quite ready to play with him yet. You have such a sweet demeanor and are happy to smile at anyone who asks you too. You are serious most of the time though, and I always wonder what you are thinking about.

You’ve only rolled over one time and prefer to stand as much as possible, with the help of a saucer obviously. Your doctor said that wanting to be able to stand is a pretty big milestone for a 4 month old and I know you are just wanting to run around with Cruz. Your teeth are coming in and despite the fussiness that that naturally brings, you are still happy and content.

We are so blessed by you. And we can’t wait to learn more about you and see who God created you to be. I can’t wait to learn about more differences and similarities between you and Cruz. It’s just such a fun dynamic and keeps me on my toes. When I think about how much you’ve changed and blessed our lives, I am forever reminded of this passage:

I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Wonderful are Your works, and my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from You, when I was made in secret, and skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth; Your eyes have seen my unformed substance; And in Your book were all written the days that were ordained for me, when as yet there was not one of them. How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God! How vast is the sum of them!” Psalm 139:14-17

You are special, sweet boy. You were created for us and for this family by a God who loves you more than you could ever imagine. We love you more than you’ll ever know.

I love you,

Mamma