13 Feb

I think that just committing myself to studying these passages alone (AND sharing them with you) has really encouraged some struggle and unsettle in my life. Which is actually a good thing because I can clearly SEE where God is working in me. But it’s been a little bit painful, as it always is when you are being taught about weaknesses in your own life. I’ve been striving for a little more balance around here, and needless to say, I haven’t been doing the most fabulous job at it. So I’ve had to wrestle through a few things on my own while studying and meditating on this verse. And I’ve said I was going to post on my Proverbs 31 series every Monday, but sometimes you just need more time to go through what you are going through before you’re ready to share about it. I definitely wasn’t ready to speak to you on this verse until now. So I didn’t want to force it.

The next verse in my Proverbs 31 series is:

‘She makes coverings for her bed; she is clothed in fine linen and purple.’ Proverbs 31:22

I’ve done a significant amount of research on this verse, and I think I’m going to just take it for exactly what it’s saying here. I think this woman makes her bed every day, takes pride in her house, and takes care of her appearance, every single day. This seems like a very simple concept, but honestly, it’s been hard for me. Not because I don’t want to take care of my appearance or my home. But simply because I am super tired. And selfishly, the thought of doing day to day things as of lately, has been anything I’ve wanted to do.

More on that in a minute.

I think that what this verse is describing is a woman and mother who cares to make her home a sanctuary. She cares about what her home looks like. It’s a place for her family to retreat to from the world. A place where her husband can let down his guard and relax. A place that is comfortable for all of them. She’s made coverings for her bed to keep warm in and it probably makes their room look nice too. She makes her bed every day because it teaches her children about discipline and responsibility. She gets up every day and really cares about what she’s putting on her body and the message that it’s sending. She is modest, but probably up to date with some of the fashions too. She cares about what her husband thinks of her. She cared a lot about looking nice for him when they were dating, so why should that stop after you get married and have children? She has dignity and takes pride in her outer appearance. She has respect for herself and for her home. And she spends time diligently caring for such things.

So why have I wrestled so much with this verse? The truth is, taking care of your house and yourself are really hard to do. Teaching your children all the right things in the midst of taking care of your home and yourself is no easy task either. Especially when you have a husband, multiple children, a ministry, AND your own business to tend to. I have been the last priority on my list, and for good reason. There is much to get done. And since I have been last on my list these days, I have caused myself to burn out a little bit. And a little bit of discontent had formed inside my heart. I never wanted to feel discontent or selfish or burnt out. But taking care of your home and yourself on top of taking care of everyone else makes for one exhausted woman. An exhausted woman who has lost sight of what’s important a little bit.

I think what I take from this verse the most is that this woman is PROUD. She is proud of her family, herself and of her whole life. And it shows with all of the work that she does for her family. It shows in her home and they atmosphere she creates there. It shows in the ways that she raises her children. It also shows in the way she takes care of herself. She is proud of herself. She cares about herself. She knows that if she’s not caring for herself, then she can’t be the best possible wife and mother she was created to be. She takes care of herself physically AND emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.

I haven’t been doing a lot of those things. We have been extraordinarily busy. I have been REALLY exhausted. I have been anything but this woman in my home these past couple of weeks. Disciplining myself to rediscover some balance in my life has now been reestablished at the top of my priority list. It’s SO important to get dressed in the morning, to shower, and to put on some makeup. It’s so important to feel like a woman. Ha. It sounds funny to say that, but it’s really true. It’s important to take some time away from your busy life ALONE to just catch up on your thoughts and to just ‘be’ for a couple of hours.

As a mom, my days all blur together before you know it. And it doesn’t take long before I can’t even remember the last time I did something to refresh myself. My home hasn’t been a priority. Keeping it all together has been hard. I’ve been tired and the laundry just seems to multiple every time I wash it. I swear, I do one load and two loads come out of the dryer. I haven’t been cherishing my work as a mom. The mundane, day to day tasks that are never ending. I have gone to bed dreading the next day because I haven’t wanted to do it ALL OVER AGAIN. Have you ever felt the same way? I’ve been really selfish.

I’m remembering that it’s so important to put yourself on the list every single day. It’s important to take pride in your home and to treat it as a sanctuary for your family. Being proud of all the work you’re doing as a wife and mother is so important. We have very big, important jobs. And although the tasks are never ending and it SEEMS like you’ll never go to the bathroom alone again, it’s important to remember to take care of yourself. Little eyes are watching. And I know that what I REALLY want is for those little eyes to watch me care for our family with pride. And although I’m exhausted, I want them to see that putting myself together is important to me and that it’s a priority to represent our family well together.

And most of all, I want them to really know that they are WORTH all of the hard work I have to do every single day. And that I’d do it one hundred times over because I love them that much.


4 Responses to “pride”

  1. Sam February 13, 2012 at 1:19 pm #

    Ugggggghhhh. Yes this is so hard. Currently I am grocery shopping in sweats, and no make up! This is very very hard, and I only have 1 kid. Don’t even know what will happen with 2!

    • jesswilliams February 16, 2012 at 9:51 pm #

      It’s totally a discipline for sure! Yesterday I didn’t even ever put a bra on, if it makes you feel better. LOL! You’re doing awesome girl! xoxo

  2. Shari Lopatin February 13, 2012 at 2:29 pm #

    Wow, I’m tired just reading this. LOL! Jess, I’m not a mom, but I work A LOT. And my work is not my life’s passion, either. So, I’ve felt your dread of going to sleep and knowing tomorrow, everything will start all over again. Ugh. Laundry. Cooking. Cleaning. Working 9-10 hours. The clients. The blog. Your hair. Your make-up.

    But here’s where I feel better. My two cats are my children (Chance and Chester). I saved them both from the streets, one almost died. And every time I look at them, snuggled up on my bed, purring on my lap, I know it’s all worth it. It’s all worth it because I’m giving these two animals I love, SO MUCH, the life they DESERVE.

    So next time you feel that way, and feel like you just can’t take it any more, look into Cruz’s adorable blue eyes, listen to his little voice, squeeze Rider’s pinchable dimples, and smile. Because they’re worth it. 🙂

    • jesswilliams February 16, 2012 at 9:46 pm #

      Thanks Shari!! You’re right, it IS worth it!

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