dear cruz,

3 Jun

It took almost 8 months, but you finally decided that your brother isn’t actually that bad. Your first bath together was one of my happiest and greatest moments to date as a mamma. Nothing thrilled me more than to watch you two playing together and making each other laugh. I think you sat there for an entire five minutes mimicking Rider’s squeals and babbles and it made him laugh endlessly. Which then made you laugh endlessly. Which made me cry watching you two.

I knew there HAD to be a day that you would come around and enjoy having Rider here. You just weren’t totally into it right from the beginning. And while I did spend sometime stressing out and praying about it, I actually wouldn’t have it any other way! The moment that you wanted to get into the bath and play with Rider for the first time was THE BEST moment. And I’d do the past eight months over again in the same exact way to have my heart as full as it was in that moment.

Totally worth it.

I think I will cherish whatever relationship you have with your brother MORE, simply because it hasn’t been the easiest road ever since we introduced him to you. But I know that you love him. Now that he interacts a little bit more and can already laugh at your jokes, I see a beginning of a very special friendship happening. And it fills my heart and makes me do nothing but want to cry.

I know all too well how special it is to be close to your siblings. To have them as your best friends and to love being with them. I have wanted nothing less for the two of you. And while I realize that I can’t FORCE it to happen in MY time, I have been praying that you two would be close someday.

It just hasn’t happened in my timing. As most things don’t.

I am beyond happy for bath time these days. It’s about fifteen minutes a day where I can count on the fact that you two will play well together. That you will make each other laugh and enjoy being brothers in the water together.

I deeply hope and pray that this is a glimpse into the future for you both. That you will grow up the best of buds and that your adult years will be full of love, friendship and being there for one another. As best friends and family do. I can only hope and pray that you will find friendship in one another as I have in my sisters. Yes, you’ll fight and want to kill each other sometimes. But you’ll be the first to stand up for one another when they need it. Or you’ll be there when hearts get broken, as much as that thought pains me. I pray for a special friendship and bond between the two of you. One that you both will one day realize is so special and that you’ll take care of.

These are the moments that make all the hard stuff SO worth it. All the frustration, sleepless nights, tears- GONE in this instant. And it makes me realize that while this job is HARD (being mom), I’d do all of it all over again to be able to sit and savor moments like these. I’ll never forget this moment, Cruz. When you asked to get into the bath with brother and when you decided that he’s actually not THAT bad after all.

I can only hope and pray for a thousand more moments just like this.

I love you Cruz. You are a special little boy. I pray that you and Rider will have a friendship that will grow over the years in whatever capacity it should grow. I know that you will become the best big brother that there is. And I’m so proud of this sweet moment that you wanted to get in and play with him.

It’s enough to fill my heart for a LONG time.

I love you always,




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