not just a mom

13 Jan

I had a great day today.

Part of it had to do with the fact that I was able to get out of the house- ALONE- today. I went to coffee with a client/friend and I went grocery shopping- ALONE.

So that was refreshing. It was just really nice to get out kiddo free for awhile.

Things are getting better, I think. I guess it’s hard to tell just by a few days. But I honestly am starting to feel better. There haven’t been many tears shed by yours truly in the past few days and I’ve actually gotten some sleep too. I re-started doing Weight Watchers again, since I severely fell off that wagon weeks ago. I started going to a Bible study and I’ve set up a weekly coffee date with a very close friend of mine who I can confide in about anything. I’ve known her for years and she’s one of the people I’ve really been missing since she used to live down the street from me. So it’ll be great to have adult time with her every week. I started reading again- I’m in a Book Club and have been for the past 4 years. Ever since I’ve had Cruz, I have really slacked at finishing reading the books that we’ve read. And I love to read. And I’m obsessed with my amazing girls that are in the Book Club with me. So I’ve committed to myself to reading again and I cannot put the book down that I am reading right now. I’m enrolling in a dance class. That’s right- you heard me. A dance class. I majored in dance for two years while I was in college and I started dancing when I was 6. Here’s a picture to prove it:

I love to dance and while I’m absolutely not anticipating going professional with it again, it IS great exercise and something I really enjoy doing. And it’s a huge goal of mine to get rid of the baby weight. I don’t have much to go, but I really gotta get rid of the rest of it. So I’m going to dance. Not tap, but probably jazz or maybe ballet again.

So what’s the point to all this?

What I’m saying is that I’m figuring out ways to focus on ME more. I am a mom, yes. But it’s not ALL that I am. And while I haven’t forgotten this, my life was starting not to reflect this as much. Meaning, I haven’t really been taking care of myself much. I’ve been too focused on getting the hang of having two kids and working. And that means I’ve just been in the apartment a lot, focused on EVERYONE else but me and taking care of myself.

So after I went to the doctor, I took a step back and evaluated what my week looked like. And there wasn’t really one single thing during my week that didn’t include Cruz & Rider in it. It didn’t take me long to take a mental inventory of all the things I used to do the fulfilled me and enriched my life before I had kids and I realized that I had started to abandon those things. I haven’t really had anything that I’ve been doing that is just for ME.

And that’s not the mom I want to be.

I always want to be the mom that has other focuses, dreams, goals, activities. I don’t want to be the mom that ONLY talks about her kids, their schedules, their sleeping/eating habits etc. Because after all, I AM my own person still, you know? Just because I’m a mom doesn’t mean I’m not still a women. And while I have changed a lot since having kids, I’m not ONLY a mom. It’s not what defines me. It’s a huge part of me and my life and I’m super proud of it. It does take up most of my day, every day. And it will for the rest of my life. But there’s still a huge other part of me that is still ME and still likes doing other things and has other interests. I know this is so incredibly simple. Everyone knows this stuff, right? But it’s so easy to get caught up in the day to day of being a mom, the stresses, exhaustion, and chaos that follows having children, and to forget what life was like before them.

I was starting to do that.

And I just really started losing sight of all the things that I loved prior to them entering my life. So I readjusted a few things and on top of feeling better, I actually am starting to feel excited about doing several things that are just for me. It’s so important to remember who you are as a women, and not just a mom. Being a mom is something that I am and something that I do. But it’s not all that I am or do. It’s not all I want to talk about. It’s not all I want to think about. While it is something that I love doing and cherish every day, it is really nice to have breaks where you can just be a woman. Someone who still has hopes, dreams, and desires for herself that aren’t only about being a mom. It’s nice to do things for yourself that you loved doing before they were born. And it’s ok to be away from them to do them. Not only is it ok, but it’s good for you and for them too.

I’ve just been caught up with being a good mom and wife that I’ve completely forgotten to take care of me.

Well, a few things are changing. And I am so glad that they are. I know I can be a better mom if I focus on myself a little bit. It’s so important to still nurture yourself. You can’t give of yourself if you are empty. And I’ve got two little boys that deserve the best from me.

I can feel the weight lifting a little bit. And it’s an amazing thing.

PS: Andrea & Alex, we NEED to go to Sedona again. Seriously. How fun was that?? And remember this?

He was SO little and SO cute. Aw.

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4 Responses to “not just a mom”

  1. Julie January 14, 2011 at 8:04 am #

    Love the flash back photo! It’s reminds me of how young we were when we met. I’m so glad your feeling better. I’m feeling better too so this week is rounding out pretty good!

  2. Andrea January 21, 2011 at 5:31 pm #

    That dance photo of you is simply priceless! I can’t wait for our coffee dates to begin… and for our next trip to Sedona… and for everything else our friendship holds 🙂 I’m so happy to hear that things are getting better and that you’re stepping outside of the “mom box.” It is definitely something that every mom needs! Love you!

  3. Alex Evjen January 25, 2011 at 11:13 am #

    Love this post! Yes, you are WAY more than the role of a Mom! Let’s get this Sedona thing on the books!!! Photo shoot or not.

    • jesswilliams January 25, 2011 at 5:26 pm #

      Thanks Alex! And I AGREE! The sooner the better, for sure!! xo

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