stupid comments

30 Aug

Do you ever wonder why people feel the need to make stupid comments to pregnant people? I’m not talking about the usual, “How are you feeling?” “Are you hanging in there?” “When’s your due date?” etc. THOSE are normal questions. Normal questions that don’t bother me at all this time around and questions I get every day. It’s ok. I am surrounded by great friends, near and far, that only care for me and my family and want to make sure I’m hanging in there now that it’s the end. I get it.

I’m talking about stupid comments from people who you DON’T know. Complete strangers that feel the need to speak up, ask dumb questions, make unnecessary comments and for why? WHY? Why is it necessary that if you DON’T KNOW ME that you must open your mouth to say stupid stuff? I’m not understanding. But my ENTIRE weekend was filled up with me running into complete strangers that just felt the need to speak their mind, regardless of how it might make me feel. Now I understand that they probably didn’t mean harm. And that I shouldn’t care what strangers think- and I DON’T. But when you’re in public, it can be embarrassing because there are usually other people around. Plus, I’m usually with Cruz, it’s hot outside AND I’m uncomfortable. So please, Mr. Cashier, please make my day worse by your small talk that is only making you sound like a moron.

Situation #1:

I was in a Starbucks and I had just finished meeting with a client who hired us to photograph her wedding. She was super sweet and we had just finished the greatest conversation. I was in a great mood, so I thought I’d grab an ice tea as I was on my way out the door. I’m standing in line- I’m NOT EVEN NEXT IN LINE and the associate behind the counter says,

“Oh my gosh! Are you carrying twins???!”

To which I smile and say,

“No… No I’m not.”

And then SHE says,

“There’s no possible way there’s only ONE baby in there! You’re HUGE!”

I smile a courtesy smile, take a deep breath and say,

“Ya, I just have large babies. There’s only one in there and I’m due in less than two weeks.”

I’m glad she’s still smiling at me because I can feel my mood changing and I can feel my conscious telling me to guard my mouth and not to say what I’m REALLY thinking. Before I have a chance to say anything else, it’s my turn to order. So I step up to the counter, not remembering the drink I wanted because I’m so caught off guard at how rude she was, when all of a sudden ANOTHER associate comes out from the back and starts unpacking boxes. I order my drink and look down the counter to notice that he’s staring at me. I smile (kind of) and HE says, (and I’m NOT joking)

“Wow! Are you having twins??”

I laugh a little, but I’m really thinking This is unbelievable! and I say,

“Nope. There’s just one in there and I’m due in less than two weeks.”

And then HE says,

“No way! There HAS to be two in there!”

To which I say,

“There’s really, really not two in there. But thanks!”

By then my drink is ready and I grab it and leave. I make it to the car in time to burst out in sobbing tears. I couldn’t help it. All of Starbucks was looking at the huge pregnant lady who was being asked loudly by their workers if she’s having twins when I’m not. As if I REALLY wanted to stand there and discuss how big my belly actually is. I KNOW IT’S BIG. It was even bigger when I was pregnant with Cruz! Why do strangers feel the need to bring it up? And then doubt me when I say I actually AM only having ONE baby???

Situation #2:

So later that day I had a Boudoir photo shoot lined up. I ran into The Cheesecake Factory to grab a slice of cheesecake for a prop for the shoot (ooo la la!) and I was feeling pretty good and excited for the afternoon that lied ahead. The girl behind the counter was perfectly nice and making small talk with me while I ordered my cheesecake to go. In the middle of our conversation, a waitress (who didn’t need to be apart of our conversation) came behind the counter, looking at me and asks,

“Oh my gosh! Are you having twins??”

I courtesy smile again, but kind of pissed now, and say,

“No. I’m not having twins.”

To which she says,

“Do you just carry really high then? Because that’s a pretty good baby bump you’ve got going there!”

To which I say,

“Thanks. Ya, I must.”

That remark was followed by her asking when I’m due, what I’m having etc. And I didn’t leave sobbing, but I did leave wondering what on earth is going on?? I’m over nine months pregnant! You aren’t supposed to look perfect, but I didn’t think I looked like I was carrying TWINS! I never got that remark when I was pregnant with Cruz and I WAS actually huge! So I was completely dumbfounded and I sent Jay a text telling him what happened, AGAIN, and you can imagine how the rest of that conversation went. Good grief.

Situation #3:

Fast forward to Sunday. I had breakfast with a dear friend in the morning and after I left, Cruz and I headed over to Target to get some diapers. It was very busy, so I stood in line for a while until another line opened up. Once it did, I moved over to the line that had just opened because Cruz was getting fussy and I needed to get out of there. So I walk up and the cashier is oooo-ing and aaahh-ing over Cruz. And he’s saying ‘Hi!’ and being his charming little self. Then she looks at me and says,

“When are you due?”

And I say,

“In less than two weeks.”

And she says,

“Aw that’s great! Do you know what you’re having?”

And I said,

“Yes, I’m having another boy!”

She scrunches up her nose and says,

“Aw… well that’s too bad. Maybe next time!”

I am shocked at her response and say,

“No I’m beyond thrilled to be having another boy! I don’t care whether I have boys or girls- as long as they’re healthy I’m happy!”

And she says,

“Oh really? Well that’s good I guess.”

I finished paying and walked away thinking, What on earth JUST happened? Should I not be excited because I’m having a BOY? What is WRONG with people? Who says that to a pregnant lady who is about to burst at any second with her SON?? Of course I’d love to have a girl, but the truth is, if boys is all we have I will be THRILLED. Coming from someone who’s had two miscarriages, I’m thrilled to have healthy children at all! It doesn’t matter one bit to me if we have boys or girls but,

WHO EVEN SAYS THAT???

I was so confused when we left, I just laughed to myself wondering if I had just imagined that conversation. Did I imagine it?? I don’t even know. I would NEVER say something like that to a pregnant lady. Is it just me? Do these places need to review their customer service etiquette? I stopped taking in personal, because I know people don’t mean harm, but seriously? Isn’t it common sense that you aren’t supposed to INSULT someone to their face?

I can laugh about it now and I am awaiting the comments while I’m out. I seem to be a magnet for them these days. Or maybe it was just last weekend? Who knows. I really think people need to think before they speak to anyone. Especially someone who’s about to birth an ENTIRE HUMAN.

Wow.

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8 Responses to “stupid comments”

  1. Christy August 30, 2010 at 10:21 am #

    WOW!! I can’t believe how stupid people can be! You look absolutely gorgeous and I don’t think you’re huge at all. You’re supposed to have a belly right now- you’ve got a healthy little boy growing in there! You’re a beautiful mama and look adorable pregnant!

  2. Sheri Stribling Williams August 30, 2010 at 10:28 am #

    STUPID PEOPLE…..I want to hunt them down and punch them in the face……:-)

  3. Julie August 30, 2010 at 10:59 am #

    I’m in awe by this story. People have no idea the crap that flows from there mouths. The thing is if you were “too small” people would comment as well. I love a big baby belly. I tell Mike all the time that I wish mine would have been bigger (I know I’ll kick myself for that one later.) We can’t wait to meet little R Man! Joanna I’m sure will crush on them both;-)

  4. TgK August 30, 2010 at 2:13 pm #

    Rude, rude, rude. People need to learn to keep their mouths shut, or learn “if you don’t have anything to say…” I applude you for keeping a tight lip. Heaven knows that once I start getting towards the end of my pregnancy, and if anyone says anything annoying to me, I might not have the same self control you do. So, kudos!

  5. Leslie August 31, 2010 at 7:55 am #

    I remember one of my favorite quotes from Ro during this last pregnancy was in response to a question from Erick “Why are you so angry!?” and she said “If people would STOP being SO STUPID, I wouldn’t be SO ANGRY!” after having a very similar set of experiences.

    I have a feeling I won’t be graced with your patience.

  6. Alex Evjen August 31, 2010 at 9:10 am #

    wow! i’m sorry, jess. people are so insensitive sometimes.

  7. Michaela September 1, 2010 at 6:56 pm #

    People are so weird! You are not the only one, I have gotten some doozies too!

    When I was preggo last time, a rude associate at Lowe’s told me, after I had waited for 45 minutes at the paint counter for someone to help me, that I needed to calm down or I’d break my water (I wasn’t even rude or angry at having had to wait!)… so I looked him square on and said, “excuse me? I’m not pregnant.” You should have seen the look on his face. That shut him up pretty quick.

    By the way, I was 8 1/2 months pregnant at the time, I just wanted to make him feel stupid 😉

  8. magnifique100 June 7, 2011 at 11:35 am #

    Sorry to hear about the stupid comments. 😦

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