gloom

3 Sep

I’m feeling gloomy today. Do you ever feel like that? I have been feeling like I haven’t been that great of a friend lately. And today it’s hitting me and I guess that’s what’s making me feel down.

Before I had Cruz, all of my time and efforts were pointed towards Jason and all of my friends. I had many lunch dates, I could go out after work, weekend etc. I still do these things. Having a baby definitely changed everything, but I actually still do see a lot of my friends and try to make time for others as much as possible.

But it doesn’t feel the same.

I spend so much time working (not as much as I would if I worked in an office, Jason always reminds me), but it’s been really hard for me to find a balance lately. I feel like I’m on the ‘taking’ end of friendships a lot these days. So many people help us out. So many people watch Cruz for us while we work. So many people do so much and go out of their way for us so much.

I haven’t been as good at ‘giving’ of myself to people as I would like. My fear is that people will just see me as a ‘taker’ and I hate that. It’s just a season, I know. And the true friends that I will have in this life will stick around no matter what. This season will pass and then I will be able to give more of myself in a new season.

But for now I’m struggling with it. Finding balance in any situation you’re in is hard. I just miss a lot of my friends. My attention is always focused on Cruz and our business. It has to be because we’re just trying to make ends meet right now. And even though I’m working at something that I love more than any job I’ve ever had, sometimes it’s stressful. I don’t wish for things to be different at all. But our current situation is leaving little time for me to cherish my friends the way I want to.

And I hate that.

Book ClubthelabLisa, Katelyn, Katie & Jess

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4 Responses to “gloom”

  1. Alex September 3, 2009 at 9:06 am #

    don’t feel gloomy! i don’t think any of your friends would see you as a taker. i think in this stage in life we’re all just busy dealing with the transitions that God is bringing us, whether it being marriage, kids or dogs…haha.

    you should definitely come over soon to meet wendy and to pick up your giant stack of 20 magazines. =)

    • jesswilliams September 3, 2009 at 10:45 am #

      Aw thanks girl… You are right! It’s just getting me down a little bit today… I hope you are feeling better!! I’d love to come meet Wendy!! I have family coming into town this weekend so maybe next week? Stoked for the mags! 😉

  2. Andrea September 3, 2009 at 3:21 pm #

    Trust me girl- I feel ya. I think we all have those days, or even stages of life. Please know that there is nothing that you do that gives off the impression of being a “taker.” Anyone who truly knows you knows that simply isn’t your heart. For my own selfish reasons, I am glad you are where you are- I feel like we are closer now than ever as we navigate first-time pregnancy and mommyhood! Not to mention the fact that you following your passion is a HUGE inspiration and worthy of respect! You need space to grow in these things and I think it’s safe to say that your friends get that. You are an amazing friend and I hope I can find the time for friends that you have found once my own life turns upside-down. Haha. Looking forward to some time next week. Love you lots 🙂

    • jesswilliams September 3, 2009 at 5:04 pm #

      You’re simply the best… Thanks for that! can’t wait for next week! Love you!!!

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