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We have the busiest weekend coming up. Two engagement sessions, a wedding and leaving for Las Vegas on Monday. So the kid has GOT to get better. I’m praising GOD for an amazing nanny who has made herself totally available to us and what we need this weekend. And it’s not even going to put a strain on her little girls because her husband will be home the entire weekend. God is good. I was in FULL on tears right before we took this picture (at Chickfila) because being a working mom in times like these sucks. I CAN’T call in to work, especially for the wedding we are shooting on Sunday. A wedding only happens once and I have to be there. But the strings on my mommy heart just want to stay home with my little man. So I’m pretty thankful that God has so organized it so that I don’t have to worry about him. He will be in phenomonal hands. AND, he’s got a few days to recover, before Sunday in which I WILL be home with him. But it still makes it rough. We are super busy and there are times when it’s not possible for me to call in sick. And that is the part of the working mommy world that isn’t too fun and makes it super hard to be both a mom and a working professional.

I’m thankful everyday for God’s provision in our lives and for allowing us to have a nanny that is so wonderful with them when we aren’t able to be here. But today I’m praying for 100% healing for him so when I’m gone this weekend I can think about how much fun he’s having playing or doing crafts instead of being sick on the couch.

If you’re a working mamma, you know how this goes. What do you do when you can’t call in sick?

I’m not sure if ‘Year Two’ of Cruz’s life was going to be the hardest or what. But it was HARD. Maybe it was the terrible two’s or the transition with Rider entering our lives, or moving up to Scottsdale or… the list goes on. And while I know that all of those things I listed are huge transitions in any two year olds brain, the past year was still HARD when Cruz was concerned. Tantrums, talking back, arguing, more exhausting talking back and just a general grumpiness that NONE of us cared much for. Some days I would look around the room wondering where my sweet little Cruz went.

It SUCKED.

Every mom goes through this right? Gah. It’s really rough.

So last week I started wondering what the possible cause to his grumpiness could be. Besides just being two and that’s what you do, when you’re two. And I came to the conclusion that the partial problem is where Jason and I work. Our computers WERE right in the living room. It was easy access for us and, at the current moment, the only place that we thought the computers would fit. We wanted to have a space where we could work out in the living room. A space that was inspiring and creative building to us for our work. We have a very small space that the four of us live in, and so our options were very limited.

But because it was in the living room, I was very easily distracted. And I was constantly super stressed about work. Any time an email would come through, I could hear the ‘ding!’ even if I was trying to play with the boys. And no matter how hard I tried, my 100% focused attention wasn’t on them. And I know that Cruz felt it. And I know that he was acting out because of it.

I know it.

It took a few days of denying it once I came to the conclusion, but I finally decided to chat with Jay about moving the work station back into our bedroom. Although I don’t think THAT’S the best place for it either, I figure that Jay and I are adults. And can easily distinguish work time from family time. Whereas Cruz cannot. I was expecting Jay to totally put up a fight on it and I had an ENTIRE speech prepared to persuade him.

But I didn’t need it.

He agreed immediately and that night we moved our computers back into our room.

The next day (and ever since!!) have been NIGHT AND DAY DIFFERENT. I have a different kiddo in Cruz. He is actually HAPPY. And while he does have his typical ‘three year old moments’, they are few and far between and have been ever since we moved our work out of our family space. I really had to realize that although our space is super small, it is our home. And if I’m stressed about work all the time, my kids are going to feel it. If I’m just checking emails really quickly and they are in the room, I don’t think there’s harm in that. BUT I DO think it’s not good when they start acting out because of it. Our living room now feels like our family space. Not a space that mom and dad have to share with their work. It’s not our office any longer.

And while I don’t think that ALL of his meltdowns and tantrums were because the office was in the living room, I do think it’s made a huge difference in his moral. He knows when I’m in the living room with them, that my attention is on them 100%. And my kiddos are WAY happier because of it.

Being a working stay at home mom is totally a work in progress. I find that every few months brings on new changes and new seasons. And you just have to be flexible until you find what works for you. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done. But it’s so worth figuring out how to make it work, every single day.

If you’re struggling at home, I challenge you to figure out what might not be working. And try to do something different! Even if you have a lap top, just put it in your room or in the ACTUAL office. And leave it there for when they nap. Work and emails can totally wait. As hard as that may seem sometimes, trust me! But our kids CAN’T wait all the time. We have to be present with them here and now.

So take a breath and make some changes if there need to be. And keep trying until you get it right! That’s the beauty of it!

*Sigh* When does this stage end again?

Anywhoo. We are getting ready to leave town again! I’m hoping the the terrible two’s, or whatever it is that is going on, stays HOME while we travel. We are heading to California soon here to film our promo video for Session Nine! We are then going to be shooting a wedding on a YACHT. And then we’ll be in Disneyland for a few days. We. Are. Excited. To say the least. And I’m thrilled to be getting out of this heat, although I do tend to enjoy it. I’m ready for a break. But the monsoons better take a break too while I’m gone because I really don’t want to miss those.

Exciting things going on right now for us. But for now, I’m off to bed. Because my almost three year old just MIGHT decide to wake up screaming and crying in the middle of the night. For no apparent reason. And then I’ve gotta be up by 5:00 to ensure that I actually get some work done. I’m trying to remember that when you work hard, amazing things happen. So don’t give up or give in too soon. Because nothing that is amazing just comes to you. And nothing that is worth it is easy. So I’m trying to stay focused and work hard. Because I really want to play hard next week. And there’s lots to do until then.

So I took a break from my ‘working mom’ series and I didn’t really mention it to any of you. I just sort of stopped doing it and fell off the blog planet. Well, I still blogged but not like I usually do. It’s sort of ironic that this tip was next in line because it’s one that I’ve learned A TON about within the past two months.

And one that I can honestly say, I’m getting better at. Especially recently.

It is so important as a working mom to KNOW YOUR LIMITS. You are not super mom. Even if you want everyone to THINK you are, you are not. (Well, you are probably  super mom. But not SUPERMOM. Don’t be confused or offended. HA.)

Anyways.

I’m the queen of taking on a lot and managing it pretty well. I’m very task oriented, organized and a go-getter. If I set my mind to something, I can probably do it (not camping though). And in a world where there is A LOT thrown at me each and every day, it’s pretty easy to get overwhelmed. And being overwhelmed isn’t an emotion I share publicly very often.

Poor Jason, right?

I recently hit a wall of ‘overwhelmth’. I’m aware that’s not a word. But I hit the wall, nonetheless. Wait, is it a word? Weird. I hit this wall of way too much to do and not enough time to do it in. I found myself in a constant cycle of never getting everything done, one million deadlines with new ones knocking on my door every day, and a to do list that was growing a mile a minute. Top that off with two growing boys who need A LOT of attention, a home that was starting to be neglected, laundry piling up, eating out every night, dust on the shelves, SO ON AND SO FORTH. I finally had to hold my hands up, surrender to it all and say, “I SERIOUSLY CAN’T DO ALL THIS!”. I was starting to feel like I was running a rat race. Like every day was the same and I had to just race through it all to get stuff done so I could go to bed, wake up and find myself in the same predicament. With HUGE to do lists, no time, screaming kids, and a dirty house.

I literally looked at Jason one day and said, “I can’t do this anymore.”

Not my job silly. Just the way we were doing things. I HIT MY LIMIT. I know how much I can take.

It’s so important to know what your limits are. When you’re at a place in your life where you AREN’T overwhelmed, it would be a good idea to set up some boundaries for yourself. I tell myself daily that it’s OK to say no to stuff. To people. To plans. To extra things that you can’t take on. Focus your energy on the things that you CAN do and are WILLING to do and do them well. But taking on all of it is impossible. Why do we as women think we can master and balance everything all the time? It’s incredibly difficult and stressful! And a working mamma who’s stressed out and filled with anxiety over everything that needs to get done, can’t be a good mom!

That’s where I’ve been these past few weeks.

So Jason and I completely reorganized our business. We prioritized some things that were on our plates. We each gave up and took on new roles within our work. And holy moly, I can actually breathe again. For real. It’s amazing what happens when you know your limits and can prioritize the things that are important to you and to your work. Both of us feel this newfound ‘refreshness’ within our work and are getting things done more efficiently and effectively.

But what a difficult past month it’s been in the area of ‘working mom’ for me!

I’m glad I hit the wall though. It forced me to take a good look at what I am ACTUALLY doing here. And I encourage you to do the same! Is what you’re doing working for you? Is it REALLY, TRULY, HONESTLY working? Not what you WANT to do. But what you can REALISTICALLY do. I’ve had to give up some things that were on my plate. Things I really enjoyed doing. But it just wasn’t working. So I’ve had to refigure out some things, adjust, and move forward.

And I can honestly say things are WAY better. I actually have time to clean my house and take a day off. I haven’t had a day off since January. Like, a REAL entire day OFF. Well, I had my first whole day off on Saturday. And what a good feeling it was!!

Be encouraged. You too, don’t have to do it all! It’s OK to say no to stuff. It’s OK to re-prioritize your work, family life, friends etc. It’s OK to take a day off. You’ve gotta know your limits. Know what your breaking point is and stay far away from it. Life is to awesome to just be a ‘rat race’. It’s not worth it to not have a day off in six months.

Hard lesson learned for me. And we’re back on track.

* I saw this quote on Pinterest and thought it was very thought provoking and true. 

I’m catching my breath. And I won’t be gone long. I’m currently working on COMPLETELY REORGANIZING and revamping our ENTIRE business model. One that, once implemented, will hopefully rock your face off. So I’m getting some things in order, catching my breath, trying to hang out with my kids and not work so much.

YA RIGHT to the latter. We work like crazy people. It’s 10:50 pm on a SATURDAY and I’m taking a quick break from working to share this sliver of information with you.

But nonetheless, I am working so hard on changing some things in our business so I can take time to be a more focused MOM. Which is a huge part of the reason why I decided to follow my life ambition of becoming a photographer. A profession that I dreamed of being in when I was little. But as much as I love it, I’m trying to teach myself that we work to live. And that we don’t live to work.

So be patient with me. I haven’t forgotten to fill you in on all the musings of my life as a mom. Even though these blogs have been very unpredictable. I’m getting back on track and it’s going to be better than ever.

And so I leave you with this. Check out what I bought today:

I found this on Etsy and I almost DIED I love it so much. Jay bought it for me today as an early birthday present, since I will be another year older in a matter of DAYS PEOPLE. Where does the time go? Hopefully I’ll be drinking a cup of coffee in one of these amazing mugs ON my birthday.

Be back soon.

I have nothing to complain about. But it has been a whirlwind and I am tired. And the first thing to fly out the window was blogging, unfortunately.

I have been busy with this:

And this:

And this:

OH. AND THIS:

And this:

This:

And this:

And this:

This:

More of this:

THE LIST GOES ON. Seriously. The list seriously goes on. I’m up to my nose hairs in edits.

(I don’t actually have nose hairs. That’s gross.)

You know how this feels, right?? It’s been a crazy season and while I am hoping that it will slow down a little bit, my inbox and calendar are telling me otherwise. BUT, now that the spring wedding season is almost over, I DO hope that I can catch my breath, clean my house and bake something.

Who am I kidding? I don’t bake.

But you know what I mean. RELAX a little bit. Even just take one nap. That would be awesome.

It’s been a fantastic couple of months. I am FOREVER grateful to all of the people who help us watch our boys so we can go work and do what we love. Gosh, I’m forever grateful. None of this would be possible without the help of many people. I’ve shed lots of stressed out tears this season, as I usually do when I’m under stress, pressure or intense deadlines. I’ve never laughed harder, slept less, and been more thankful in all my life.

So this Spring wedding season concludes our second year as Session Nine Photographers. We head into our third year, already with exciting news. Well, news I can’t share EXACTLY right now. But I CAN tell you that we have been asked to submit MANY images into a popular bridal magazine for publish!! We are stoked.

Gosh it’s been a lot of work. I KNOW you know what I’m saying. If you are a working mom (or even if you aren’t!), you know what I’m saying when I say that working full time and trying to be a good, present mom is HARD. It’s exhausting.

It’s worth it. I love it. The good, bad, stressful and exciting. I love all of it.

Here’s to June! May the Summer be as exciting as this past Spring was! With hopefully a lot more sleep in my future. HA!

iPhone. Check. iMac opened up to etsy, facebook and an email window simultaneously. Check. Amazing media outlets that help me spread the word about my business. Check. Wow! This 21^st century stuff sure is cool. I’ve got my gadgets all around me giving me the status of how my creations are selling online. My phone buzzes in my hand as I walk carrying a new pack of wipes into my son’s room to change his diaper. As I’m putting his pants back on him I see that I’ve sold something on my website. Happy dance. But unfulfilled.

In starting my business Purposed Life I knew that I wanted to be creatively fulfilled. I mean, my art is everywhere around me: my walls all feature different colors from another room in the house, each room has at least 6 quilts that I’ve made with my fabric obsession, my kid’s wardrobes are half handmade with cool fabrics repurposed somehow, etc. So, I decided to start a business where I could do my art full time (well, sort of full time. You know, stay at home mom of 3- nothing but kids can really be full time). I’ve found an amazing creative outlet for me but it’s so easy to get swept up in the fulfillment that I feel. It’s easy to tape the phone or computer in front of my face so I can constantly check how my little business venture is doing online.

It’s easy but is it right? Am I really fulfilling God’s purpose for me or my kiddos by be so tuned in to my nifty electronics that I’m tuning out the precious little beings running around, giggling, and yapping my ear off. (Yep! My middle one always runs around- seriously, non-stop. My youngest baby just smiles and giggles to get my attention. My oldest darling is always singing to me and telling me a different story.) Why would I want to miss that? I don’t.

So, I put down my phone. I close my laptop. I leave my iPad on my nightstand. We go outside. Outside, I am not tempted to check my website shop. Outside, I can’t hop on Facebook and see how popular I am . Being outside is about being with my three babies. Being outside is about teaching my kiddos that there are way more important things than the television and video games. Being outside is about teaching my darlings to look at the world around them, the beautiful world that our Creator made for us.

We spend at least an hour outside everyday. We get dirty. We get covered in mud and it’s good. The boys have helped me plant a garden. They help me water it and pick the ripe fruit and veggies. I talk to them all the time about God creating this beautiful earth and that we are supposed to take care of it and cultivate the ground to create something beautiful. I’m not a huge fan of Arizona landscape. I would take the mountains or the beach over this dry, desert climate any day but I can honestly say that our backyard is my most favorite piece of nature. I have fallen in love with it. My kids have fallen in love with it (or they always have been. Boys- I’m sure they’d love being outside no matter what). We’ve put so much time and attention into our little earth that we are attached. Not only have I committed to spending at least an hour outside with the kids everyday, we also take at least one day out of the week and spend almost the whole day outside. Sometimes they complain but it’s our day to be outside as a family and they will grow up knowing that our time together away from computers, televisions, and phones matter.

We don’t only get dirty outside. We get messy. We get covered in paint, markers, play dough, and glue. We do art together- outdoors. I am an artist. I love seeing the different creative traits shining through my boys and can’t wait to see how my baby girl approaches it in her own unique way. Kids are natural artists. They haven’t been taught which side of the brain they prefer to use or that they are good at this but not good at that. They love to work with their hands and it’s good. I encourage their imagination and creativity. I encourage the mess! (When we are outside.)

Getting outside is about taking the time to BE- to be WITH your kids and to be with them on purpose. It’s about making the conscious and continued decision that technology and work can wait. My kids can’t wait. They don’t want to wait for mommy’s attention and most of the time they shouldn’t have to (I’m not saying that they shouldn’t be polite and patient). So, technology and work will wait- at least until 2pm at which point all three of my little ones take naps and I bust my tushie until dinner.

Being outside in the mornings with my kids is how I make being a work at home mom work. I can get what I need to get done during the afternoons knowing that my babies are fulfilled in spending time with their mom and getting out in creation.

Everyone’s story and schedule is different. Find what works for you but I do encourage you to get outside with your kids, if not everyday then at least a few times a week. They need it.

********************

Meghan Green is the mom to Blake, Jax, and Brynn, and wife to Justin. She owns Purposed Life (www.purposedlife.etsy.com), a mini fashion line designed to give back and a way to spread her love for art and handmade clothes around. She loves gardening, photography, fashion, and Harry Potter (among other things).

This tip can seem a bit daunting at times. At least to me it does. It takes a lot of time, energy and work to pack up both of the boys, get us all ready, and to actually get out of the house keeping the feeding/napping schedule in mind. Usually we need to go quickly and come home quickly. And being out doing whatever activity it is that we are doing is usually anything BUT relaxing!

But it’s definitely worth it.

Although this isn’t really a tip that will help your work flow or organize your home or workspace, it IS essential for the morale of your whole family. Firstly, it forces you to get everyone ready for the day. No staying in pajamas all day long, although, days like that ARE fun and totally necessary at times too. And it forces everyone to be outside a little bit, usually. Which can’t do anything bad for anyone. But mostly, I find that my kids just need a change of scenery! As hard as it is to actually get out, isn’t it so much easier to be out than be stuck at home with cranky kids who are tired with playing with their own toys?

Yes, it’s totally necessary to get get out almost every day in this household. We all tend to get slightly stir crazy.

PLUS. Doesn’t it just help wear out your kids?? It does mine. And that is one huge key to successful napping! And like I said in this post, it’s important to work while they’re sleeping. So what’s the harm in making sure they sleep well? Wear them out! Plan fun activities! Get a group of moms together who have kids the same age and hang out often. I’ve actually have this in my life now and I love it! I have the same group of friends who have kids all around similar ages of mine. And we hang out multiple times a week in the mornings. I love it! The kids love playing together, and it gives me some adult time with my friends. We don’t usually do anything super expensive. We all have passes to the zoo (a MUST!), or we’ll hit up local splash pads, play areas and parks. Or we’ll grab lunch at the mall or usually Chick Fila. I’ll even just run errands in between Rider’s naps to help get us out. And I’ll try to plan something fun for Cruz even if it’s just the three of us grabbing ice-cream or a quick lunch or something. Simple stuff that’s not far away from home, but that gets all of us out of the house to break up the day.

It’s such a better day when my kids can be outside, running around and with other kids. Instead of cooped up in our house all day with the same walls to look at. So I encourage you! Take some time to plan out your week. Call a few mamma friends and meet at the splash pad! Getting out is good for everyone. And if you’re a stay at home mom, it really helps to have contact with adults outside your house. I know it does for me!

Get on out there! And call me if you want to hang out.

*Images taken with my phone.

One thing I hear over and over again from other working moms, is that they feel bad and guilty that they are working (from home) while their kids are awake. I do understand this. I do understand what it means to have the computer staring you in the face, taunting you about all the work you’re NOT getting done, and to anxiously sacrifice what is truly important to you just so you can make ends meet. I understand completely. I know how this feels all to well.

I have to make a conscious decision every day to not work while my kids are awake. And it’s really, really hard. But at the same time, it frees me up to be a mom and to be present in their lives. And not just a slave to my job or computer.

Couldn’t we all use a little more freedom mentally?

So since I don’t work while they’re awake, this obviously means that I have to work while they’re sleeping. And anytime both of them are sleeping, you can pretty much bet money that I am working. And I manage to get in almost an 8 hour work day every day doing this.

You might be thinking, But Jess, I don’t want to get up at 5:30 am and stay up until midnight every night.

You don’t have to! The schedule that I have for me and my home is what works for me. And I can honestly tell you, that although it’s hard and very hectic, I don’t struggle with knowing when to be present with my kids and when I need to work. It’s a constant balancing act, but it’s one that my kids will always win. I’m hugely aware that I can and do work too much and that they can’t get the short end of the stick in this deal. I decided to be a stay at home working mom. They didn’t choose this. So I refuse to let the TV babysit them.

SO.

In order to accomplish that for my life, situation and work load, I work only when they are sleeping. And that means that I am up very early and I am in bed very late. My sleep gets sacrificed, but my kids don’t know the difference and that’s what’s important to me.

*SIDE NOTE*- Sometimes during Rider’s morning nap, I set up a play pool on the porch for Cruz to play. My desk sits right next to the door, I leave it open and I can watch him the entire time. This allows me to see him the entire time, gives him some independent play, and I do manage to get a little bit of work done. I don’t rely on this time, but I do have that option sometimes. Which is nice and something you could maybe do too!

But I wholeheartedly think that you can take on this similar approach and make it work for your life. It might not mean sacrificing as much sleep for you! And girlfriend, if you can get eight straight hours of sleep, then MORE POWER TO YOU. But I know that you can still look at what a typical day looks like for you and schedule in your ‘working hours’. If you maximize the time that they are napping or in bed, you really honestly can and will get more done than you think. Get organized, make a to do list, and as soon as you close their bedroom door for nap time, make a bee line to your computer and start attacking it.

Trust me.

I have more on my plate than I even know what to do with right now. I easily work 60 hours a week, including 50+ emails a day, edits galore, social media, working with brides- the list goes on and on and on. But I really try to never lose sight of the fact that I have two little boys that could easily get swept away in the craziness that is my work. They could easily be ‘baby say’ by the TV while I ferociously try to meet deadlines, answer a million emails and work on edits. I could get so consumed trying to provide for them that I forget that they don’t even care what kinds of things we have and how much money we have.

They just want me. And they do not understand, nor do they care, if I’m late on a deadline or not.

At the end of the day, while I am BEYOND blessed to do what I love to do in the capacity that we do it, I try to never lose sight of what God has REALLY blessed me with. I see all the blessings of our work and how God has allowed me to stay home with the boys. I work hard and try to remain faithful to all that He’s blessed us with because I am so thankful. And I love doing it and I pinch myself all the time that this is my job. But what God has REALLY blessed me with is an amazing job that is allowing me to be home with them. And he’s blessed me with THEM. And I refuse to miss them growing up just because I was so consumed with work.

Which is hard because I am a workaholic at times.

Getting my work done while they sleep is essential to me for a variety of reasons. Mostly, it allows me to relax in my ‘mom’ role. I know that once 1:30 hits it’s going to be nap time and that I will have about 3 straight hours to get some work done. So I really try to plan and do fun things with them in the mornings. That way, once it’s time to work I know that I can ease into that role happiliy because I know that I spent quality time with them and the TV didn’t baby sit them.

It’s a constant balancing act.

I encourage you, friend. Work will always be there. Someday, when we die and this life is no more, our inboxes will still be full. We will still have emails. We will still have phone calls and tasks that we have not crossed off. Our time with our kids is precious. Working hard when they sleep and being mom when they’re awake is a MUST and will help ease the ‘mom guilt’ that we all experience. It’s hard. It’s hectic. And it’s worth it.

So much so, that it’s worth sacrificing MY sleep for.

]]> http://journalofamom.wordpress.com/2011/05/03/work-while-theyre-sleeping/feed/ 2 jesswilliams Rider at 1 week old