Hey lovely friends! I have MOVED locations! I had a redesign in mind for this blog, and decided to just move EVERYTHING on over. SO, if you’re still checking for updates here, you’re missing out. I am NOW blogging over at my new home spot on the web at a blog called Stellar Day Blog. You can find me talking about all the same things I did here and MORE at www.stellardayblog.com.
Come check it out and sign up for my emails so you don’t miss out on anything.
SEE YOU THERE.
Is anyone else addicted to their iPhone? Does your ENTIRE LIFE exist in it? Do you rely on it A LOT? I do. If my computer exploded, aside from editing photos, I could do the VAST MAJORITY of my work from my phone. That’s pretty neat, if you ask me. That we live in a time and place in history that we are able to enjoy little gadgets like that. And that they enrich our lives as much as they do and help us to be productive.
But lately, Jason and I have been having a heated conversation about whether or not it’s super healthy to be on our phones as much as we are. I say ‘heated’ because it causes me to get a little defensive for some reason (red flag #1). It’s been a good, healthy debate- don’t get me wrong. Weighing the pros and cons of how much we actually use our phones, how often we should be on them, and what it takes away from socially sometimes.
And what it’s taking away from our kids. Yikes.
He shared a blog post that I’m going to share with you today. You may or may not have read it. But holy moly, it is convicting. It makes me wonder exactly how much am I missing in my kids lives, just because I am on my phone. It reaffirmed the conversations that Jay and I have had about how you can be in the room, but not really there. Not listening. Not connecting. Because there is an entire world on the internet that is always distracting me, pulling me in another direction, and vying for my attention. All while two little boys of mine are vying for my attention too. And they don’t know anything about the world wide web.
And nor do they care.
They are going to grow up before my eyes. And I am going to miss it if I am always on my phone. I am going to regret it if all I do is pin stuff, Instagram stuff, and ‘Like’ every status known to man. But I WON’T regret being there for them. I WON’T regret watching them grow up. The internet is always going to be there in some form. But my small, little boys won’t always be. I don’t want them to remember their mom with a phone always in her hands. I want them to remember me as a mom who played with them. Who was silly with them. One who tickled them and made them laugh until they couldn’t laugh anymore. I don’t want them to think I was too busy ‘working’ that I couldn’t build legos with them.
I need to put my phone down more often during the day.
This article was super convicting to me. I’m not saying that being on the phone during the middle of the day or when your kids are awake is a bad thing. BUT, I am suggesting that you read this blog post and figure out what this might mean for your own life with your own kids. There’s a lot of things I HAVE to do during the day through my phone because of the nature of my job and because I have toddlers. I work a lot and at very random times during the day. But is it out of control? Am I too busy on my phone to actually SEE my kids? Am I missing huge parts of their childhood, even though I’m a stay at home mom? That’s what I’m sorting through right now.
Read the blog post HERE. And then make your own conclusions. I’d love to hear your thoughts.
I’m not thirty YET. But I will be this summer. And I’m not sure about you, but I can HONESTLY say that I am pretty stoked to be turning thirty. I am so done with my twenties. My twenties were amazing, horrible, wonderful, painful, thrilling, and devastating all at the same time. And all at different times. I don’t think I’ve ever grown more in my life that I have in my twenties. And for that, I am thankful. But I finally feel like I know who I am, know where I want to go with my life and what I want and need out of my relationships. I’ve learned A LOT and wouldn’t change the growth I endured during my twenties. Growth is good. And I hope I continue to do so. I don’t know what it is. It’s just a self confidence level I’ve reached, and I have been told countless times by countless people who said they experienced the same thing as they approached their thirties.
I’ve heard your thirties are your best years.
While I wouldn’t know if that was true or not yet, I AM excited to venture into the new chapter of my life in a few months.
All this to say, I stumbled across a cute little article about 30 Things Every Woman Should Have and Should Know By The Time She’s 30, from Glamour Magazine. I’m linking to the article, but I’m also going to list the items here so that I can have them on my blog. (Did you know that I’m printing my blogs into blog books? So I want this list in there.)
Check it out. And if you’re afraid of being thirty, girlfriend, DON’T BE. The best years of our lives are ahead of us. So long as you eat right, wash your face, and exercise. It’s going to be awesome!
By 30, You Should Have:
Better than I imagined, our photo shoot today went SO well. This little dude was in such great spirits and even brought his boxing gloves because he’s confident he’s going to BEAT CANCER. What a trooper. And an incredible example of God’s strength. SO many laughs today, we can’t wait to share some more of the images. For now, here’s one I shot through Instagram.
What a great kid. What an amazing family.
We were asked very last minute to do a photo shoot today for good friends of ours. They have just found out that their sweet little son has Leukemia, and they would like photos of him and with him before he looses his hair. Of course we agreed to spend the afternoon with them, to love on them, and to capture them.
*Sigh*
Why does cancer even need to exist? My heart burdens for the children that have to go through this. I can’t even imagine what it must be like as a parent to have to walk that road. To have to ask God the hard questions. And to wonder why YOUR child has to endure such a disease. We are always honored when people ask us to step into their lives in such a way, to touch them with our art and to bring to life emotions that they themselves aren’t aware that they are expressing.
But my heart is heavy.
Jesus, I pray that these images we take today would be so deeply special to this family. And that they would have some relief from the pain, fear and burden while they are with us. That they will laugh together and for a time, forget that cancer even exists. I of course pray for ultimate healing. But mostly for your will in their lives and that of all the people this family touches. Strength. I pray for strength. And peace. And healing in his little body. How frightened his mother must be. But I know that she trusts in you, in only ways you can give her strength to do. Give us a remarkable photo shoot for this family. And surround them with your peace in their lives amidst the scary road ahead. Amen.
* Image found on Pinterest.
At the high school group that we lead at tonight, one of the students recited this verse:
‘And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.’ Romans 12:2
What a powerful verse to mediate on, right? And for someone like me, who struggles with their thought life, fears, anxiety and patience, this is exactly what I needed to hear tonight. I need to renew my mind. Renew my way of thinking. Taking ever thought captive and to be transformed through it. Easier said than done, but it’s truth nonetheless. I am exhausted. And when I’m exhausted, my mind runs rampant. But this verse brings me peace.
I pray that you aren’t struggling tonight as well. And that God may transform your mind to the things of Him. So that He may be glorified in your life and in what He’s calling you to do.
* Image taken on my iPhone and on my Instagram.
I’m not even sure where to start.
I am just really struggling with a few things in my life recently. And to be honest, when it all boils down to it, it ALL has to do with what Gods trying to teach me right now. I thought I was having an identity crisis. But as it turns out, I’m just being really selfish. Then I started feeling anxious and unhappy in being a mom. And as that turns out, I’m just being really selfish there, too.
Cruz has hit an entirely new level of difficult these days. And I’ve learned A LOT about what God’s love looks like, even though I know THAT’S not fully possible to comprehend. I feel like I’m learning what it means to love someone even when they’re disobedient and telling you that they don’t like you. I’m learning what it means to be selfless. Because there is no room for selfishness when being a mom. And to be honest, there have been quite a few times within these last thirty days that I have wanted to be anything BUT a mom.
Maybe you’ve never felt that way before. But I bet you have, even if you aren’t willing to admit it.
It’s the hardest thing I have ever done. And I constantly wonder if I am just going to screw this up. Don’t we all wonder that? Being a mom is a constant job. It is constant. And the selfish side of me, isn’t always happy about it. Lately, I’ve just wished for my desk job back and the mornings when I put my high heels on, left with a granola bar and a coffee and drove thirty miles to my corporate job. Do I REALLY want that? Would i REALLY trade my life in for all that again? For all the free time? For sleeping in?
Of course not.
I love my family. And I love my boys. And I would do ALL of the difficult days over one hundred times if it meant that I got to have THEM. I have just spent a lot of time being really, really selfish. And trying to keep balance in my life. Really, what I’m discovering, is that while I have a LOT of discipline in my life, I don’t have much discipline when it comes to ME these days. Which is weird because I just finished telling you how selfish I’VE been. But my heart HAS been really selfish. And I’ve been discontent in my day to day routine. I HAVE been wishing for nap times and bed times to come a little faster each day. I’ve just hit a wall where I’ve done a lot of taking care of other people (kids, husband, family, clients), and very little of myself. I am usually good at taking care of myself first, but this pat month I have let it slip. And out of exhaustion and frustration, I have created discontent in my heart. And because of that, I am missing some valuable moments with my kids. I’m realizing that I shouldn’t be living in a world where I wish for naps and bedtime to come faster. That is not me.
So I’m getting back on track. I’m trying to set aside time for myself within my week where I can just be ALONE for a couple of hours. And where I can recharge, collect my thoughts, and come up with a better plan for each week. A few things need to adjust in my world a little bit, but mostly, my attitude needs adjusting. I love taking care of my boys and my family. And I love being a mom. I love that I work and have something to do separate from them as well, as I think that that area of my life USUALLY makes me a better mom. But I’ve let my own selfishness get in the way a little bit. Because honestly, I wouldn’t trade being a mom to those two boys for anything. Even though the toddler stage has been really, really, hard. And I’m just exhausted.
So the bottom line is this. I have wrestled with being a mom this month. But in the end, I think God is stretching me and teaching me things about myself THROUGH my kids in ways that He can only do when things are hard. I’ve had to cry and pray and lean on Him a lot in this short season. And I am learning that being the mother to Cruz and Rider IS my calling. I know it’s my calling because if God hadn’t called me to be a mom, he wouldn’t have given me those boys. It is my responsibility to respond to His calling in my life. And right now, although I’m working and running my own business, my calling is to be their mother. And to do GOOD by them and bring them up to love Jesus with all their hearts. To love them like God loves me, even when I am completely unlovable. Showing them how much I love them even when they don’t seem to deserve it. God’s love is never failing. It’s never ending. My love for the boys needs to be shown in the same ways. And loving them and EMBRACING being their mamma- even when it’s really hard and sucks- is my highest calling. There might not be a greater calling than this. And I SHOULD be spending my time grateful that God has so blessed me with a calling so high as this.
I hope and pray that this has encouraged you. Just because it’s hard and you don’t always love EVERY SECOND of being a mom, doesn’t mean you are a bad mom. It just means that you are a human. It just means that you are a woman. And it probably means you need to have a little time to yourself to recharge your batteries. I don’t love EVERY second of being a mom. But I do know that I wouldn’t REALLY trade it for anything. It’s not all perfect. It’s not all sunshine and rainbows like everyone’s Facebook status’s seem to be. It’s just not. Life is messy. Human emotions run deep. And being a mom IS hard. You aren’t going crazy. It’s supposed to be hard. In my opinion, it’s the most important job that we could ever do. It’s not supposed to be easy. But it WILL be worth it. And somedays, in-between the tantrums and the blowouts, there are many little moments that make it worth it now.
So cling to that. And to Jesus. Because He knows how hard this is. And He’s designed you and me to do this very job, with these very kids. It wasn’t an accident. He doesn’t make mistakes. And it IS going to be hard. Because ALL things that are worth it, usually are.
But it IS worth it.
* Image taken on my iPhone.
