Hey lovely friends! I have MOVED locations! I had a redesign in mind for this blog, and decided to just move EVERYTHING on over. SO, if you’re still checking for updates here, you’re missing out. I am NOW blogging over at my new home spot on the web at a blog called Stellar Day Blog. You can find me talking about all the same things I did here and MORE at www.stellardayblog.com.
Come check it out and sign up for my emails so you don’t miss out on anything.
SEE YOU THERE.
Sometimes, being busy is a good thing. Sometimes, it’s not. I feel like for myself, these past several weeks have been a mix of both extremes. I have been finding myself extremely overwhelmed with work, thankful for the job I have, busily rushing around you both, AND trying to make intentional time to focus on you and just to be a mom too. This balance that I have to find, I will never understand. I’m often told by other mom’s that it looks like I am super mom. That it looks like I have it all together. And that I do it with grace. While those are HUGE compliments to me and also very encouraging, I DO sometimes feel like the world is running AROUND me. That I’m NOT making time for what’s important. And I’m constantly feeling guilty for the nights that I can’t tuck you in. AmI doing the right things here? Do I work too much? Am I shuffling around my boys- the very REASON why I stayed home to begin with?
It’s a constant battle. One that I fight every day in an effort to make sure that I am maintaining some sort of BALANCE. And it’s not ever easy. I find that in my life, Satan does everything that is possible to make sure that the balance in my life is constantly chaos. If it’s chaos, it means that I am doing something very, very wrong. And it means that I’m not focusing on what’s important here. And that I’m not spending time with Jesus and allowing HIM to direct my steps. It only means that I’m relying on myself and all the things that I think are important to get done. And I’m not focusing on things from above, like the Bible calls us to.
Anyways. I guess this quick little letter is my way of saying. ‘I’m sorry’ to you both. You’re both too little to understand all of this big vocabulary, but someday you will. I’m sorry that I’ve spent the last few months rushing around you, impatient, sleep deprived, and grumpy. Mommy is doing some things to get back on track, including changing my diet so I’m not so irritable. I’ve been really, really horrible at keeping and maintaining any kind of balance these days. And you boys have gotten the short end of the stick, somewhat. I do promise you, that mommy is doing the best that she can. And I promise you that you really ARE the first things I think about when it comes to any decision I have to make. And I promise you that I’m going to strive for more balance in all the areas of our lives. And that when the balance scale is starting to tip, I will be more intentional about spending time with Jesus to get me back on track instead of just plowing forward, hoping the season will end soon.
Even though I am your mommy, and I’m trying to do the very best that I can, I still make mistakes too. I’m still learning and growing too. And I’m so lucky to have both of you as my little boys. Both of you sweet, patient with me, forgiving. And loving me enough to see past the mistakes I’m making along the way. I’m so grateful that we are in this journey together as a support system to one another. That’s what family is. And I’m so glad you’re mine.
I love you all the time.
I am a total jerk.
I never posted, nor did I even acknowledge, your birthday on this blog little man. You are not loved any less because of this, let me assure you. And while being too busy should never be an excuse when it comes to the people you love, I AM going to go ahead and say, WE HAVE BEEN SO BUSY. Busy with YOU, your brother, work, being sick, LIFE. Life has gotten away from me these past couple months and we are just trying to stay on top of it all!
Regardless, I didn’t mean to not write to you on your birthday. Or post pictures of your awesome birthday party. Everyone had so much fun celebrating you.
You are such a little character. At one year old, you already have more strength than you know what to do with. You are fast. You are strong. And you are quiet, all at the same time. A quiet strength which I can only hope and pray that will carry you through your life. You are happy and so easy to make smile. Our little positive go-getter. I don’t really think you understand what being cautious is.
So different from me.
It’s amazing to watch you learn and grow and explore new things. My new favorite thing these days is watching you walk. It’s so darn cute. You have so much that you want to check out and get into. There’s so much to explore. Chasing you around IS quite a bit of work. But I wouldn’t change it or you for anything.
The truth is, you add so many special things to this family. And a year ago I had no idea the joy I would feel by the time you were one. Celebrating your first birthday with all of our close friends and family was exactly what it should have been. And we can’t wait to share many more birthdays with you.
You are a special, special boy to us, Rider-man. And we love you more than you will ever know.
Happy First Birthday, (a month late on this blog),
First of all, look at how stinkin’ cute you are. I mean, honestly.
You started crawling this week!! Your first time crawling was on the 4th of July and we were at Grammy’s house. I was sitting with you on the floor, feeding you, when you noticed all the toys Grammy has for you at her house and you took off crawling. It was such a great moment! You were a little wobbly but definitely on a mission to get to those toys. And you made it! As soon as you did, you grabbed the toy you were after and rolled over onto your back to play with it.
Ever since then, you’ve been on the go! It’s such a fun stage you’re in and I’m honestly loving every minute of it. I can’t believe you’ll be 10 months old in three days. Which means in two months you’ll be a year old. And that is wild. It’s going so fast!
You also said your first word this week!! And let it be announced to the world that, your very first word EVER was ‘MAMMA!’. You always look right at me and say, “Mamma!” and it melts my heart every time. I can’t wait to hear all the funny jokes and things you are going to say. I can’t wait to hear the conversations between you and your brother as you play and make up games. I can’t wait to watch you grow together. Well, I guess I’m doing that now! Ha!
You are such a fun, sweet and special boy. You have the sweetest spirit and you go with the flow every day. We love you more than anything and are so proud of your milestones that you’ve reached this week. You are growing so fast and getting so big.
I love you and all the joy that you bring to our lives. I can’t imagine our life without you in it.
I will love you forever,
I am already learning so much about you and your sweet little personality. You are SO different from your brother! Everyone laughs at how different you two look, and I am loving every minute of it. I love that you both are so different. You are special and unique and so incredibly loved by this family. You are a lot more laid back than your brother. You are content to just hang out and watch him run around you, showing you his cars and other various toys. He’s learning how to ‘share’ with you, even though you aren’t quite ready to play with him yet. You have such a sweet demeanor and are happy to smile at anyone who asks you too. You are serious most of the time though, and I always wonder what you are thinking about.
You’ve only rolled over one time and prefer to stand as much as possible, with the help of a saucer obviously. Your doctor said that wanting to be able to stand is a pretty big milestone for a 4 month old and I know you are just wanting to run around with Cruz. Your teeth are coming in and despite the fussiness that that naturally brings, you are still happy and content.
We are so blessed by you. And we can’t wait to learn more about you and see who God created you to be. I can’t wait to learn about more differences and similarities between you and Cruz. It’s just such a fun dynamic and keeps me on my toes. When I think about how much you’ve changed and blessed our lives, I am forever reminded of this passage:
“I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Wonderful are Your works, and my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from You, when I was made in secret, and skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth; Your eyes have seen my unformed substance; And in Your book were all written the days that were ordained for me, when as yet there was not one of them. How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God! How vast is the sum of them!” Psalm 139:14-17
You are special, sweet boy. You were created for us and for this family by a God who loves you more than you could ever imagine. We love you more than you’ll ever know.
I love you,
Want to know a secret?
Although I would love to go to bed earlier than I do and not have to do a ‘dream feed’ anymore, secretly, I really don’t mind it. Not only do I not mind it, but I don’t want it to end.
It’s at this time during each night (about 10:30 pm) that it gets to be just you and me. After you are finished filling your little belly, I let you rest on my shoulder while I’m hoping that you’ll burp. But you are always asleep, breathing softly and cuddling up to my neck. It’s really such a sweet time where I can somewhat peer down at you, resting there on my shoulder. I can look at your little lips, nose, eyes. And I can hold you close and really take in the moment.
The amount of nights I have to do this with you is limited. You are growing so fast. You will be 12 weeks old this Friday and I can hardly believe it. You are doing so many new things and your little personality is really starting to come through. You are such a little sweetie. Very laid back and you still sleep a lot! There’s so many milestones that lie ahead for you and it’s going to come and go so fast.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s to try to take in the moment. Because once it’s gone, it’s gone forever.
So every night after your last feeding, although I’m more tired that you can ever imagine, I try to take the time to stare at your little features. Because they won’t be little for too long. And I don’t want to miss it.
I especially don’t want to miss it because I was too tired to take the time.
You are special, my little Rider man. I love you more than you know.
I meant to write this letter to you very soon after you were born, but you’ve kept me very, very busy these past two weeks! I can’t believe it’s only been two weeks! I feel like you’ve been in our lives forever, but it hasn’t been long at all! You have joined a crazy busy family, sweet boy. A life that is full of ministry, music, love, friends and family. We are a family that laughs a lot, cries a lot and fights a little too. We love to work hard and are making our own dreams happen for ourselves. We are all still adjusting to your arrival a little bit, but even still, I can’t even imagine what life would be like without you here. You are just the sweetest and best little guy- you are super laid back and you have the sweetest little personality already! You are quiet most of the time, only crying when you are hungry or uncomfortable. You can sleep anywhere and are already on a pretty good schedule. You let Mamma and Dadda sleep at least 4 hours at a time at night and we only have to get up with you twice already! You are already growing and are such a cute little one- we couldn’t be happier to have you here.
Your brother is warming up a lot more too! Every morning, you are the first person he asks for now. He’ll run over and grab my hand asking, “Please! Please!” and I know that it means that he wants to go see you as you sleep in your crib. I have to tell him that we will go see you once you start to wake up because he doesn’t understand how to whisper quite yet. But he’s very interested in you. He’s always pointing to your eyes, ears and nose and telling me what they are. And whenever you start to cry he says “No cry brother!”, even though he can’t say that super clearly yet. He love to give you kisses, and gives them to you freely without me asking him to give them to you. And he loves to ‘help’ me burp you by patting you on the back. I know that even though Cruz has had to adjust big time to your arrival, you two will be the best of friends someday very soon. At least that’s what I pray for every day!
You are the biggest blessing to our family, Rider. We love you so much. And although adjusting to two little ones in the house has had it’s ups and downs already, there isn’t anything I’d change about our journey thus far. You are a special little boy, already bringing a different personality and dynamic into our home. I can’t wait to get to know you more and to watch you grow up before our eyes. We love you sweet Rider man. Welcome to this crazy family and this crazy thing called life!
I love you so much,
PS: Seriously, check out the cuteness! We just can’t get enough of how simply adorable you are. Such a sweet boy!