overwhelmed

Do you ever have days where you just feel so overwhelmed? Where you just want to crawl back into bed and start the day over? Or even better, wake up and it’s tomorrow? Do you ever just cry all day long for a thousand different reasons but really there is no reason to cry? Because when you think about all the things in your life, you realize that you actually have it pretty good and then you immediately feel guilty for feeling like everything is crap. Especially when you know it’s not crap. It’s just a bad day. And you’re just overwhelmed. And you just need to cry it out and for things to look a little more clear. And for things to not be so well… overwhelming.

Ya. I feel this way too. It’s been a really bad day. And I woke up with a sore throat, which is the last thing I need.

I constantly try to fill my mind with Philippians 4:6- “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.” And I try to fill my mind with Matthew 6:34- “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of it’s own.” But honestly, being anxious, overwhelmed and worried are REAL struggles for me. I hate days like today. We have a lot of change coming up along with a VERY busy season which is already in full swing. And I have just got a lot to process. And I am learning how to say no to certain things when I’m feeling overwhelmed. It’s hard for me. Today has been hard for me. I have a lot to adjust to coming up and I don’t really do change very well. It’s all so exciting with the baby coming, but to be honest I feel totally overwhelmed with it too.

God doesn’t give us more than we can handle. I know we will be ok and that he will give us the grace for each day once the baby comes. And I’m thankful for all the help that my mom, sisters and close friends are ALREADY providing us with in preparation for Rider’s arrival. I couldn’t do it without them. It’s just an overwhelming day. And everyone’s allowed one of those, right? A good cry (or several good cries) only makes things look clearer, right?

So here’s to the rest of the day, and hoping that I can just get it together. So maybe here’s to tomorrow?

bruschetta chicken bake

My mom and sisters were planning on coming over on Sunday for dinner. We do it every week- either at our home or at my mom’s. But either way, we try to always touch base and have dinner together once a week. I love my family. I look forward to Sunday’s for this reason- well, and many others for that matter. But dinner with them is always how I end Sundays and I love that. Plus, Cruz gets his weekly dose of his Grammy and Aunties, whom he adores! I try to get him together with my mom more than that, but we usually can for sure count on Sundays. I love it.

So this past Sunday, it dawned on me that my mom and sister’s were coming over for dinner and I hadn’t made it to the grocery store to pick up stuff for dinner. I have a one track mind these days, and that’s on this pregnancy. Then I realized it in the middle of Cruz’s nap so there was no way I could leave the house and they were all coming over. So I grabbed one of my Kraft Foods magazines that I have saved. I love these magazines- they are FULL of quick and easy recipes that I refer to often. I found this recipe and I actually had all the ingredients already! It was super simple to make and it made enough for 6 of us to eat! And I actually had some leftovers! So if you’re looking for something simple to make for dinner tonight, check your cupboards. You just might have all these ingredients and it would be worth it. Not only did it take me no time to make, it was so good and yummy- I can’t wait to make it again! Give it a try!

Ingredients

- 1 can diced tomatoes, undrained

- 1 pkg (6 oz) Stove Top Stuffing Mix for Chicken

- 1/2 cup water

- 2 cloves garlic, minced

- 1 1/2 lbs. boneless skinless chicken breasts, cut into bite sized pieces

- 1 tsp dried basil leaves

- 1 cup shredded mozzarella cheese

Directions

1. Heat oven to 400 degrees

2. Mix tomatoes, stuffing mix, water and garlic just until stuffing mix is moistened in a medium size mixing bowl. Set aside.

3. Layer chicken, basil and cheese in 3-qt. casserole or 13×9-inch baking dish.

4. Top with stuffing mixture. Bake 30 min. or until chicken is done.

I paired it with Texas toast and a veggie. Delish!!

stupid comments

Do you ever wonder why people feel the need to make stupid comments to pregnant people? I’m not talking about the usual, “How are you feeling?” “Are you hanging in there?” “When’s your due date?” etc. THOSE are normal questions. Normal questions that don’t bother me at all this time around and questions I get every day. It’s ok. I am surrounded by great friends, near and far, that only care for me and my family and want to make sure I’m hanging in there now that it’s the end. I get it.

I’m talking about stupid comments from people who you DON’T know. Complete strangers that feel the need to speak up, ask dumb questions, make unnecessary comments and for why? WHY? Why is it necessary that if you DON’T KNOW ME that you must open your mouth to say stupid stuff? I’m not understanding. But my ENTIRE weekend was filled up with me running into complete strangers that just felt the need to speak their mind, regardless of how it might make me feel. Now I understand that they probably didn’t mean harm. And that I shouldn’t care what strangers think- and I DON’T. But when you’re in public, it can be embarrassing because there are usually other people around. Plus, I’m usually with Cruz, it’s hot outside AND I’m uncomfortable. So please, Mr. Cashier, please make my day worse by your small talk that is only making you sound like a moron.

Situation #1:

I was in a Starbucks and I had just finished meeting with a client who hired us to photograph her wedding. She was super sweet and we had just finished the greatest conversation. I was in a great mood, so I thought I’d grab an ice tea as I was on my way out the door. I’m standing in line- I’m NOT EVEN NEXT IN LINE and the associate behind the counter says,

“Oh my gosh! Are you carrying twins???!”

To which I smile and say,

“No… No I’m not.”

And then SHE says,

“There’s no possible way there’s only ONE baby in there! You’re HUGE!”

I smile a courtesy smile, take a deep breath and say,

“Ya, I just have large babies. There’s only one in there and I’m due in less than two weeks.”

I’m glad she’s still smiling at me because I can feel my mood changing and I can feel my conscious telling me to guard my mouth and not to say what I’m REALLY thinking. Before I have a chance to say anything else, it’s my turn to order. So I step up to the counter, not remembering the drink I wanted because I’m so caught off guard at how rude she was, when all of a sudden ANOTHER associate comes out from the back and starts unpacking boxes. I order my drink and look down the counter to notice that he’s staring at me. I smile (kind of) and HE says, (and I’m NOT joking)

“Wow! Are you having twins??”

I laugh a little, but I’m really thinking This is unbelievable! and I say,

“Nope. There’s just one in there and I’m due in less than two weeks.”

And then HE says,

“No way! There HAS to be two in there!”

To which I say,

“There’s really, really not two in there. But thanks!”

By then my drink is ready and I grab it and leave. I make it to the car in time to burst out in sobbing tears. I couldn’t help it. All of Starbucks was looking at the huge pregnant lady who was being asked loudly by their workers if she’s having twins when I’m not. As if I REALLY wanted to stand there and discuss how big my belly actually is. I KNOW IT’S BIG. It was even bigger when I was pregnant with Cruz! Why do strangers feel the need to bring it up? And then doubt me when I say I actually AM only having ONE baby???

Situation #2:

So later that day I had a Boudoir photo shoot lined up. I ran into The Cheesecake Factory to grab a slice of cheesecake for a prop for the shoot (ooo la la!) and I was feeling pretty good and excited for the afternoon that lied ahead. The girl behind the counter was perfectly nice and making small talk with me while I ordered my cheesecake to go. In the middle of our conversation, a waitress (who didn’t need to be apart of our conversation) came behind the counter, looking at me and asks,

“Oh my gosh! Are you having twins??”

I courtesy smile again, but kind of pissed now, and say,

“No. I’m not having twins.”

To which she says,

“Do you just carry really high then? Because that’s a pretty good baby bump you’ve got going there!”

To which I say,

“Thanks. Ya, I must.”

That remark was followed by her asking when I’m due, what I’m having etc. And I didn’t leave sobbing, but I did leave wondering what on earth is going on?? I’m over nine months pregnant! You aren’t supposed to look perfect, but I didn’t think I looked like I was carrying TWINS! I never got that remark when I was pregnant with Cruz and I WAS actually huge! So I was completely dumbfounded and I sent Jay a text telling him what happened, AGAIN, and you can imagine how the rest of that conversation went. Good grief.

Situation #3:

Fast forward to Sunday. I had breakfast with a dear friend in the morning and after I left, Cruz and I headed over to Target to get some diapers. It was very busy, so I stood in line for a while until another line opened up. Once it did, I moved over to the line that had just opened because Cruz was getting fussy and I needed to get out of there. So I walk up and the cashier is oooo-ing and aaahh-ing over Cruz. And he’s saying ‘Hi!’ and being his charming little self. Then she looks at me and says,

“When are you due?”

And I say,

“In less than two weeks.”

And she says,

“Aw that’s great! Do you know what you’re having?”

And I said,

“Yes, I’m having another boy!”

She scrunches up her nose and says,

“Aw… well that’s too bad. Maybe next time!”

I am shocked at her response and say,

“No I’m beyond thrilled to be having another boy! I don’t care whether I have boys or girls- as long as they’re healthy I’m happy!”

And she says,

“Oh really? Well that’s good I guess.”

I finished paying and walked away thinking, What on earth JUST happened? Should I not be excited because I’m having a BOY? What is WRONG with people? Who says that to a pregnant lady who is about to burst at any second with her SON?? Of course I’d love to have a girl, but the truth is, if boys is all we have I will be THRILLED. Coming from someone who’s had two miscarriages, I’m thrilled to have healthy children at all! It doesn’t matter one bit to me if we have boys or girls but,

WHO EVEN SAYS THAT???

I was so confused when we left, I just laughed to myself wondering if I had just imagined that conversation. Did I imagine it?? I don’t even know. I would NEVER say something like that to a pregnant lady. Is it just me? Do these places need to review their customer service etiquette? I stopped taking in personal, because I know people don’t mean harm, but seriously? Isn’t it common sense that you aren’t supposed to INSULT someone to their face?

I can laugh about it now and I am awaiting the comments while I’m out. I seem to be a magnet for them these days. Or maybe it was just last weekend? Who knows. I really think people need to think before they speak to anyone. Especially someone who’s about to birth an ENTIRE HUMAN.

Wow.

pool on the porch

Lately, our days have been filled up with this:

Since I am at the end of my pregnancy, I’m sure you can imagine that the last thing I feel like doing is getting into my bathing suit (that doesn’t fit anymore) and lugging toys, towels, water and a toddler down to the pool everyday. Which we literally used to do almost every day for a couple months. But now that I’m at the end, we definitely don’t go to the pool as often. It’s hot. The water’s not even cold. So this pregnant lady doesn’t even get a cool off that would be worth the trip since the pool water is probably almost 90 degrees.

BUT.

I do still have a toddler that needs to get outside and regardless of how I’m feeling, he’s got a TON of energy that doesn’t expire except for at nap time and at bed time. If he’s not sleeping, he’s running around with endless energy and it’s my job to find constructive ways for him to use it. But then I feel horrible during the end of this pregnancy and all I want to do is lay down, which probably won’t happen until the year 2019. Or later. I’ve accepted it. It’s ok.

So I bought a little pool for our porch that he can at least play in occasionally or if I’m having a really horrible day and don’t feel like going anywhere. He LOVES it. It sits on our porch and I fill it up with water when he wants to ‘swim’. It’s been a blessing because it was very inexpensive ($6.99 at Target) and it allows me to SIT DOWN. I don’t have to put my bathing suit on. I don’t have to get into the water. I sit in the door way and watch and play with him from there. It is awesome and was money well spent for me at this point. Ha!

But he’s so cute about it! He’ll stand at the doorway, ask to ‘swim’, we throw on a swim diaper, I fill it up with water (yes, from the sink) and he always plays in it for no less than an hour! It fills up our mornings if I don’t have errands to run and it also can fill up our afternoons after his nap and before dinner. It’s been such a lifesaver! Once Rider is born, I know this little pool with be a great help to me because it will preoccupy Cruz for small spurts while we all transition to life with a newborn.

The other day, I sat outside with him while Jason filled it with water. I snapped some pictures of him because he’s just too cute and loves it so much. Plus, I always want to remember what we did together in our last couple weeks together of it just being me, him and Jason. Every day is special for this rad little kid. I’m so blessed to have such a great little guy who is a ton of work, but only because he’s full of energy. He’s so full of life and wants to experience everything. And for that, I am so grateful.

What a little stud in his manly swim diaper! I love this age, even though it can be really difficult sometimes. Mostly, it’s a lot of fun and he’s just the coolest kid.

37 weeks

I am 37 weeks pregnant today. And I hate just always complaining on this blog about how I feel awful, but it’s the truth. I feel awful. The baby has lowered even more, which is doing nothing more than placing pressure on my sciatic nerve and other joints- making it not only more painful but super painful to walk. It’s really fun. And then it’s giving me a headache and a pretty bad backache too.

It’s really fun.

So while I am truly sorry to continue to be ‘Debbie Downer’, this is the truth in how I’m feeling. And I DO know that I’m almost done. That doesn’t make the next two weeks seem any shorter. I KNOW it will be worth it once he’s here. Also doesn’t make me feel better today. There’s not much anyone can say or do that makes me feel better these days. I just need to have the baby. And while I am uncomfortable, I do hope he waits until he’s considered full term. It’s a double edged sword for me these days.

Sorry I’ve been MIA on this blog again these past few days. I’ve have lots of things to say and write about, but I just feel super crummy. AND we’ve been very, VERY busy with work and with getting things ready for this little guy to come. I’m trying to get things organized so I can just focus on Rider and Cruz once he’s born and so I’ll be able to take a small break once he’s here. It’s the planner in me, what can I say?

So if you see or run into me within these next couple weeks, you can just go ahead and assume that I’m feeling pretty awful. But I have high hopes and I’m trying to keep my spirits up! After all, he’s healthy and active. I couldn’t ask for more, really. Well, maybe just a little relief would be nice. But if it’s not in the cards for me, he’ll be here before I know it and I’ll be dealing with other discomforts. HA.

On that note, here’s a fun picture of Rainbow Bright. Maybe it’ll brighten your day too?

xylophone

Lately I’ve noticed that Cruz has taken particular interest in this toy:

It’s a gift that was given to him for his first birthday last November from my sweet friend Lindsay. When I opened it, I instantly loved it as well. It’s a beautiful wooden toy and something that I plan on keeping for him forever. At the time, he liked the noise it made but didn’t really understand how to play with it. We tried to teach him how to make noise with it, but he was so little that I don’t think he really grasped the concept. Well, lately he’s been actually playing with it! He noticed it one day on his shelves and I got it down for him. He’ll sit there for a good number of minutes on end just playing this sweet little xylophone and he just loves it! Then I started noticing him sitting for longer amounts of time to play with the xylophone. Then he started carrying it around from room to room and playing it in each room. It’s pretty cute. When I’m making dinner, he’ll bring it into the kitchen, sit at my feet and play with it, occasionally looking up at me to make sure I love the music.

I’d like to think we’ve got a musician in the making on our hands. Maybe he’ll go pro with the xylophone someday! Ha!

noisy cart

We ran some errands today to finish getting a couple things for Rider’s room and some last essentials that I’ll need when I’m in the hospital having Baby #2. Cruz has been pretty difficult these past couple days- not napping, tantrum throwing, super grumpy. I think it’s magnified to me because I don’t feel well these days. So we needed to get out of the house, that’s for sure.

We went to Michael’s because I am painting some wooden letters for Rider’s room that are identical to the ones that are in Cruz’s room and I needed  to pick up some paint. I put him in one of those tiny carts- I never understood why the carts in Michael’s are so small- isn’t that weird? Anyways. I put him in one and we headed around the store. For some reason, I managed to pick the noisiest cart of the whole batch! It would randomly squeak SO LOUD that I’m pretty sure everyone in the store could hear it. Every time it would squeak, Cruz and I would look at each other and just start laughing. Pretty soon, we were both laughing SO hard through the whole store! I was passing aisles that I needed to go down just because we were laughing so hard at this stupid cart! He thought it was so funny and his little laugh and the things that he thinks are funny make my heart melt more than anything. So I snapped a picture on my phone.

It’s been a rough day, but we both really needed a good laugh.

I love him.

saturday favorite #32

We have come to a decision about cloth diapering. And I’ll post more on the topic once Rider is here and once I’m actually doing it on a daily basis. But we have decided to go with the gDiapers for him! I’ve done A LOT of research on cloth diapers. I’ve asked A LOT of women about their procedures and what products they use etc. And it’s been pretty frustrating because I’ve come to realize (as is everything in mommyhood) there’s not one way only to do things. You have to find what works for you. Ugh. I just want someone to tell me how to do it and be done with it already! So I’ve asked a lot of mom’s what they do- and have come to find out that I am the minority in my disposable diaper world. EVERYONE is using cloth diapers, I had NO idea.

I was first introduced to gDiapers by my good friend Sam. She just had a baby so when I was visiting them, she pulled them out to show me. She’s a working mamma, so I was intrigued as to why she picked them. Then as I talked to more and more people, I found that a lot of mom’s I know who work are actually using gDiapers too! That’s not the case for all my friends who are mom’s who work, and like I said, it goes back to finding what works for you. But gDiapers just kept popping up. So I bought a pair, showed them to Jay and we both agreed- this is the way to go for us.

We love the diversity they bring, being able to be disposable AND cloth. We love that they aren’t as bulky as most cloth diapers. And we love that they actually look cute! Plus, we aren’t tree huggers really but being able to help contribute to saving the Earth (even with their disposable inserts!) was very appealing. Especially to Jay. So while they aren’t the cheapest on the block, we are willing to invest a little more to get a product that works for us, has a sense of fashion to it, AND is good for the environment! YAY!

So here we go, I guess! I’m most likely going to order them this week. I hope that I prefer cloth diapering like everyone tells me I will. And I hope that the money we save is well worth it.

nine months pregnant

Today I am exactly nine months pregnant. 36 weeks. Almost done.

You know, they should REALLY rewrite all the school books and educate our young women so that they know that most women are ACTUALLY PREGNANT TEN MONTHS. NOT NINE. I still have 3-4 weeks to go and that’s if Rider doesn’t decide to come early! Which, let’s face it. This is MY child we are talking about here. He won’t come early on his own. I’ll be shocked if he does. I have no expectations for an unplanned surprise such as my water breaking or going into labor at 37 or 38 weeks. Do I want it to happen? Um, YES. Am I expecting it? Um, NO. My pregnancy with Cruz was 10.5 months, as he was almost 2 weeks late.

Remember how I keep saying that there’s SO MUCH STUFF that people don’t tell you before you get pregnant? Yes. That’s one of them. Most women are actually pregnant for more than nine months and usually more than ten.

I had my 36 week appointment yesterday and everything looks great! He’s healthy, happy and I’m not dilated at all. This wasn’t a surprise to me, but it’s good to know where I’m at right? I’m going to the doctor every week now. I’m super uncomfortable, dealing with joint pain and hungry ALL THE TIME. Kind of like how I was in my first trimester. So I’ve stocked up on carrots and hummus because you can only eat crap for so long before you start feeling like, well… crap. I’m not swollen at all, which is different than my pregnancy with Cruz. When I was pregnant with Cruz I couldn’t wear my wedding ring starting my 8th month. This time around I actually still have my ring on! I didn’t gain any weight this week, which was surprising, bringing my weight gain to just over 30 lbs. Also refreshing from the 54 lbs I gained with Cruz.

So things look good! I’m starting to pack our hospital bags because before you know it, we’ll be there and we’ll be holding our little Rider man! It’s pretty nuts how fast this pregnancy went. I’m SO anxious to be a mamma of two babies and the adjustment that’s going to take place. I pray every day that it won’t be as hard as I’m anticipating it to be. But if it is, I know that God won’t give me more than we can handle and that it will all be ok.

You might have to remind me that I said that on some days. Or maybe not. Who knows.

Thanks for journeying with me these past nine months. They have been full of so much change for us. It’s been a whirlwind that’s for sure! And I can’t believe in a couple short weeks I’ll have my second little guy in my arms. A mom of two boys.

How’d I get so lucky?

one highlight from my week

I’ve been slightly MIA this week on my blog. And it’s because I’ve really had a hard week and I feel like complete poop these days. I hate being the pregnant lady that just complains ALL THE TIME, but it is what it is. And if one more person says, “Well, at least you’re almost done!”, I might just scream. Yes, I know I’m almost done. But 3 weeks feels like an eternity when you’re uncomfortable and unless you’ve carried more than one child, I’m not sure you fully understand how I feel since I’m dealing with extreme uncomfortableness that usually only comes if you’ve been pregnant more than once.

So there it is.

It’s been a difficult week, for more reasons than one. Reasons I don’t really feel like talking about, frankly. Everything is fine, don’t worry. It’s just been a long, emotional and kind of draining week for me. So I’ve cried A LOT and tried to keep up my normal routine and getting Cruz out of the house everyday. It’s hard to get out of the house these days, but sometimes it’s harder to stay home with a toddler. So it’s worth the extra effort, even though I feel like lying down every time we go somewhere. But in the midst of this difficult week, there HAVE been some amazing highlights! It hasn’t all been bad, even though I definitely just did paint it that way.

Last night, we had a SUPER fun photo shoot planned that I’ve been looking forward to for a few weeks now! Recently, I’ve connected with Steph and Joy who are the co-founders of the Scottsdale Mom’s Blog, which is an amazing blog that connects other mom’s together from the area! I recently went to their Mom’s Night Out and they actually asked me to photograph the event! It was SUCH a blast! It was so much fun to get out with other mom’s, eat yummy food, drink wine (not me, don’t panic) and just be women for the night. Steph and Joy have such great hearts and love connecting with people and getting others connected to one another. I’ve completely enjoyed getting to know these two women and love watching their network grow and become something that is so cool for so many moms in the area!

Jason and I thought it would be so fun to do a girly shoot with these awesome women to say thanks for giving us exposure and for having the huge hearts that they have. So last night, we had the biggest pleasure of photographing these two mom’s with each of their little girls! Steph and Joy’s daughters are 6 weeks apart, and they are the CUTEST little girls ever. So we headed up towards Pinnacle Peak Patio in Scottsdale, noticing the dark clouds all around the mountains, but not really super concerned about it. We’ve only ever had to cancel one photo shoot since we’ve become photographers due to the rain- it just always clears up! But as we are heading up that way I get a text from Steph that says:

“Is it raining?”

My response:

“No I don’t think so!”

It wasn’t raining YET, where we were, so I just told her that I didn’t think the rain would be an issue and we can always shoot quickly if we need to. The sky was SUPER dark and it did look like it COULD rain, but it’s Arizona! You know how it goes if you live here. It teases us all the time! Dark clouds in the sky, and no rain for months. I know it’s monsoon season, but I just figured that it would hold out until we were finished because it always usually does. Nope. It didn’t hold out. We stepped out of the car and it was sprinkling and very windy. I didn’t really think that it would rain harder than the sprinkles, at least not until after our shoot. Not sure why I thought that. Probably because I’ve lived in Arizona all my life!

Well, it ended up raining pretty hard, cutting our shoot short. But we were able to get some awesome shots of the four of them and I can’t wait to showcase them here and on our Session Nine Photography site, once they are ready. We also brought Cruz with us, which we typically try not to do these days. But these two awesome women didn’t mind in the least and Cruz provided some pretty funny entertainment! He was such a flirt with each of their girls! And he proved (once again) to be ALL BOY and LOVED playing in the rain and puddles. He calls the rain “Weeeee!” so he just ran around shouting “Weeeee!!” and pointing at the puddles on the ground. HA! These pictures don’t do justice to how crazy his hair looked after the shoot. Between the humidity and the rain, he was a mess! A cute mess, but a mess nonetheless! And check out how RED his hair looks! HA! I did not edit this picture to make his hair look super red. But it was wet and outside in the right lighting and all his little redheaded hairs just popped right out!

We had a blast with Steph and Joy. So consider this a ‘Coming Soon’ post for the pictures from the shoot. These lady’s looked amazing and each of their girls are simply adorable. It was such a fun photo shoot and the unexpected rain (and cooler temperatures!) made this shoot unpredictable, fun and we had to get super creative. It was a little crazy, but it was such a highlight of my week that I just had to share.

So check back soon for updated pictures on these two mammas and their beautiful girls. It was such a fun shoot- we just had a blast! Thanks ladies for being so awesome! It was our pleasure to photo you 4 and we can’t wait to unveil the pictures to you!

*Steph’s on the left with her daughter Nora and Joy’s on the right with her daughter Reagan. Cuteness abounds!!