refreshing excitement

So we’ve been at Scottsdale Bible Church, officially, for about 3 weeks now. It’s been long enough for me to come away with some first impressions- even though I’ve gone there off and on for my entire life. And I have been simply blown away.

Our first official Sunday was a couple Sundays ago, and we were welcomed with open arms. Literally. Scooped up, hugged and loved on by staff, volunteers and those who just attend the church. One of the first questions out of one of the executives mouth was “Where are you are Jason going to plug in together to get filled up? Have you thought about where you’ll plug in together so you can maintain the health of your marriage?”

I nearly fell over. It’s been a long time since someone has said something like this to me, let alone someone high up in the church. This church genuinely cares about their staff, their wives, and their families. I’ve had several pastors wives approach me with invitations to dinner so our families can get to know one another better. People who see that we are new to the community and want to make us feel included and at home. Women who don’t play favorites, who don’t care what stuff you have and who truly are reaching out to us. We haven’t been bombarded with “Don’t forget to tithe!” or “Where ELSE are you going to serve?” or “You were hired for 30 hours but you know you’re really going to work 80, right?”.

None of that.

And I need to say that we have some fantastic friends who live in the East Valley. And I am so thankful that we aren’t going to be moving far. I have a couple women in my life who touch base daily as I’m going through all this change. Women in my life who know that I feel lonely. Women who get it. And I am deeply sad to move away from this small community that we still have in Gilbert. But those gals in my life are friends forever. You know you who are.

That said, I’m writing this because I am excited to move. We have met several couples who are eager for us to move up there. Friends and community that I already feel God preparing for us there. I always, always say it, but God’s hand in our lives always feels present these days. He’s always one step ahead of me- not too far that I can’t see him, but not too close that I feel too comfortable. I find myself having to trust him even for simple things like good friends! I’ve been praying for good friends in Scottsdale; I’ve been praying for this boldly. And I already see him beginning to answer my prayers.

While transitioning to a church that does things completely differently than what we’re used to has been a major adjustment, we’ve never felt more surrounded by a community of people that we don’t even live nearby yet! I’m feeling so blessed by the people that have reached out to us. I feel blessed to hear about how the church values their staff from Jason when he comes home each night. We love what we are doing so far. It makes me so anxious to move up there so we can fully immerse ourselves into the community.

That leads me to the fact that we need to rent our home out. And that task seems incredibly daunting. But, my motivation is the community of people that we will be living near and the lives that we will be apart of. I am so excited and I’m continually encouraged each and every time we are there on a Sunday. It’s continual confirmation that we’ve made the right decision to stay. I can’t wait to move. I just hope we can get our act together and get up there soon!

Ok, enough rambling from me. I feel that’s all I do on this blog anyway. But I’m thankful for my faithful readers. You guys rock! Now, here’s a cute picture of Cruz. Because you KNOW I have enough of those to share!

saturday favorite #26

I have been obsessed with this, really since this week. Have you tried the new Cherry Crush?? You must, it’s a little to die for. Jason swears the strawberry flavor is better, but I just don’t think so! I just cannot even get enough of this right now. I sorta wish it was water so I could just drink this all day.

12 weeks

Today I am 12 weeks pregnant!

I decided to start taking pictures of my growing belly, but didn’t want to start until I was showing a little bit. This little one is slowly starting to emerge, so Jason snapped a picture today and here it is! I plan to do this each time I begin another month in this pregnancy. I did this with Cruz too, but didn’t have a blog or an outlet to post them, so I am doing it this time around. Everyone says that you don’t take as many pictures of the second baby and I’m determined to prove that that isn’t always the case!

Here’s to starting the second trimester with my second little one! I can’t wait to know if it’s a boy or girl so I can stop calling it an ‘IT’.

first boudior shoot

As most of you may know, I had the privilege of doing my very first boudoir photo shoot about two weeks ago. This very special lady will remain anonymous since these pictures were for her hubby-to-be and they are obviously not married quite yet! Now, I’m aware that he’s probably not a regular visitor on my blog, but just to be on the safe side I’m not mentioning her name or the location of this shoot. And, the pictures don’t reveal who she is either! Once their wedding has past, I will be posting more.

I am so proud of these pictures and they just turned out so beautifully! I really discovered that I absolutely love making women look and feel beautiful for their fiances, husbands or significant others. There’s nothing better than finding a way to make these pictures look classy and not too revealing. I really had an amazing time and hope to receive many more bookings for boudoir!

These photos are not on our Session Nine site. We are working on a completely separate site for my boudoir photography where not so many families visit the site. Even with all the weddings we are booking, we didn’t think it was appropriate to lump boudoir into a site that is a place where brides and brides-to-be are going to be referring their friends and family. Once that separate site is up and running, I will make sure to announce it’s location and if you’re interested in booking boudoir with me, you will be able to find me there.

In the meantime, if you are interested in scheduling a boudoir shoot with me, you can email me at jessica@sessionninephotography.com. Remember, I never post these pictures with out your permission. Jason is not at the site nor does he help or see the edits. Your privacy is very important to me and making you feel gorgeous and wonderful as a gift to your husband is the utmost goal.

Enjoy these pictures- even though they are anonymous and there are many, many more I’m dying to post! Please leave your comments and let me know what you think!

pregnancy update

It’s nuts that I am almost 12 weeks pregnant. My first trimester will be over at the end of this week and it’s flying by! Why is life going so much faster now that I have kids?? Weird. Anyways. I had my 12 week doctor appointment this morning, even though I’m not quite 12 weeks yet. I was able to hear that precious little heartbeat again- I could just listen to that sound forever. It’s the second time I’ve been able to hear the heartbeat and I can’t get enough! It’s a relieving sound for any mom, especially one who’s been through two miscarriages.

I’ve lost three pounds, which my doctor isn’t thrilled about. But between this pregnancy’s sickness and chasing after Cruz, she wasn’t completely surprised either. Plus, when I was pregnant with Cruz I didn’t gain a single pound until I was almost 5.5 months pregnant. And for no reason since I ate McDonald’s every single day during my first trimester with him. Then I gained 54 pounds. So I’m sure the weight with come. Trust me. It’s coming.

I’m also happy to report that I can definitely feel this little one moving around in there! I know it’s pretty early, but there’s no mistaking it for anything else! I felt Cruz’s movements for the first time at 12 weeks too, so that’s not really abnormal for me either. I just can’t wait for those movements to get bigger. I’ll even take the kicks to the ribs if thats what it takes. I love feeling movement and it’s pretty special. I can’t wait to explain to Cruz that there’s a baby in there and that he gets the important role of being a big brother. Wow.

We’ve picked out names- well, one for sure. No we’re not telling you until we know the gender, which is only two doctors appointments away! I cannot wait! I’m already thinking about nursery decor and everything that comes along with that, but no final decisions until we have a gender.

I’ve never been happier to be heading out of my first trimester. I’m getting my energy back slowly. Still battling small bouts of nausea, but it’s getting better. I’ve felt like cleaning the house again, and let me tell you, it really needs to be cleaned. Jay’s been letting me sleep in until 8 most mornings while he hangs with Cruzer for breakfast and that has really been wonderful. Have I ever said that he’s amazing? I mean, really. He’s awesome.

This whole road we’re taking is yet again, nothing short of crazy! Having another baby is something that we were definitely wanting and we probably would have started trying soon. But this was a little sooner than we had planned. But since when has anything this past year gone the way we had planned? So we’re completely embracing it (obviously!) and we are ready for the craziness that is about to happen. Well, in September. haha

it crashed

So I haven’t posted in a couple days because my lovely computer decided to crash. Sort of. It won’t work at all, and then all of a sudden it’ll pop on. And when it does, I scramble to get a bunch of work done so I don’t get too far behind. Which I already am because of this debacle. We were looking into getting me a new computer, but it looks like we might be able to fix the internal hard drive first, which would be awesome. I mean, I really do want a new computer but we really shouldn’t afford it right now.

*sigh*

Oh the joys.

In other news, we booked another wedding last night bringing our grand total for 2010 to 6 weddings that are on our calendar! I am so excited and love meeting with brides to be. Photographing weddings is really something I love to do and I’m so excited! I did my very first boudoir shoot about a week ago! Those are almost done and I’ll make sure to put a couple shots on the blog too. It was so much fun and I found myself being really passionate about making my client look and feel beautiful for her future hubby to be! It was such a great time and I’m really proud of the pictures. Not to tease you or anything, but I’ll put them up soon!

So we have a ton going on right now, but I’m genuinely happy with how things are and our future. Jay’s already started his job at SBC and we have never felt so welcomed in a community and everyone there has been so excited to meet us and to have us on staff. I’ve been running into people that I grew up with and haven’t caught up with in a long time and so that has been very cool for me. We working on our house and getting ready to move. It’ll be a bit yet, but we are planning on moving sometime between now and June. I can’t wait to be back in Scottsdale.

And since I haven’t in awhile, here’s a few of my favorite pictures from a few recent shoots we’ve done. I’m so happy that I get to do this full time. It’s not something that I ever take for granted. Broken computer, whatever. Ya it sucks but it could be way worse. I could be doing something I hate.

number 9- check!

Jason and I made a list several months back- you might remember it. It’s our 101 Things in 1001 Days list. I need to update the list again, because there are several things I can check off. But our most recent one is #9- Visit the Strehles! I’m so thrilled to say we can check this one off, because I didn’t think we’d be checking it off any time soon. I hoped we would but didn’t see it happening for a little bit.

Jason and I met Zach and Amber Strehle through the church we used to go to. I was on staff with the 5th and 6th grade program there and Amber and Zach were volunteers. They have 4 kids (FOUR!), two of which (TWINS!) were in the 5th and 6th grade program. Amber and I became fast friends and we had a blast spending time together. Then we discovered that we lived in the same neighborhood! We got to know them even better while we went through Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace University to get our spending habits and budgeting under control. I’d tell you what Amber used to call it but it’s not appropriate. HA! (Just kidding Amber… sort of.) They are the sort of people that you can be real with. And I’ve pretty much said it all to her and she still loves me! Ha!

Then they decided to move back to Washington, which is where they were from to begin with. Talk about a bummer! But ever since they’ve moved, Amber and I have actually kept in pretty good touch. We both started our photography businesses about the same time and we have a lot to celebrate together as friends and as artists. I so wish she lived closer.

Well, we DID have the chance to live closer since they live in Washington. So while we were visiting Seattle, we set aside a night to catch up with these two. It was nuts- they were getting ready to get on a plane to head to Arizona the very next day! I think they timed it. But whatever.

So we still haven’t been to their home or to check out the town that they live in yet, but that will have to be for another trip. A trip that we can take to Seattle and really get the chance to explore and do all the touristy things! But we can scratch it off the list since we did in fact visit them in their state. And Amber, we are both photographers- how did neither of us get a picture of us to document?? We were all just too excited to catch up and chat about life. And we were there interviewing and they were trying to leave town. So it was a little nuts.

But it’s always great to see good friends. And so we can successfully check off good ol’ #9!

possible

I planned on going back to work after Cruz was born. Not only did I want to, we needed me to go back financially. Jason and I had worked out a good schedule between the two of us- I would go in to work early and leave early. He’d go in later and leave later. Meaning that Cruz would have only been with a sitter two to three hours a day.

That, we could have handled, both emotionally and financially.

I always wanted to be a full time stay at home mom, but just didn’t see when it would be in the cards for me. We are in ministry and everyone knows that you don’t go into ministry for the money. So I wasn’t sure when we’d be in a situation that would allow me to stay home full time. I knew it was the cry of my heart, but I was also trying to be realistic. So I was making the best of our situation and thought I had come up with a plan that would allow me to be the best working mom that I could be. Plus, I really did like my job and had every intention of going back.

Then, my entire world was rocked.

I was no more than 5 days away from my due date when I was sat down at work and informed that my wanted schedule was not approved. Astonished, I desperately tried to work out something; anything that would allow us to do what we thought was best for our baby. With no luck, I was completely devastated. In conversations that same week and prior to my maternity leave, I was told (and I quote), “You have three options here. You can be a full time working mom, a part time working mom, or a full time stay at home mom. I wouldn’t push it.”

Immediately after this was said to me I secretly thought to myself, “Wow, you’re talking to the wrong girl.”

See, I’m the kind of girl that likes to make things happen for myself. I like to strategize and figure out the best possible way to make things work for me and my family and I’ll do anything to make it work. In that meeting, I knew I had to come up with a plan that was best for my family. I wasn’t going to be bullied into working a schedule I wasn’t comfortable with. And I wasn’t going to settle for making less money than I knew I could make. I had a mix of emotions for the remainder of that week. I was devastated, panicked, furious. I was days away from meeting my son and my ‘plan’ (that would have worked perfectly) had vanished. With no time to find another employer who possibly would have worked with me, I spent the nights before my sons birth sobbing in his room while sitting in his rocker. I would sit up until 4:00 am with worry, crying out to God about what we were going to do.

We couldn’t afford daycare full time, and while many moms use daycare and I have nothing against it, I just knew that it wasn’t going to work for us. I wanted to be able to work, help provide for my family and still be a mom that was as hands on as any other mom. I’m a hard worker. I would have successfully done this. And I thought I was working at a place that would have put my family first and I was willing to prove that my work would not have suffered. I would have worked harder.

I went on maternity leave and then Cruz was 9 days late. I had started contemplating the idea of becoming a Pampered Chef consultant and I thought doing that part time would have been a great option that would have allowed me to stay home. I could have even kept my other job while being a consultant and that would have worked.  I started crunching numbers and rethinking the job that I currently had. I really struggled wondering, ‘If they can’t help me put my family first before my family is even here, how is it going to be once he arrives?” I had a hard time with the thought of going back. I felt like I had spent a year working harder than I had ever worked, and none of it mattered. I was just filling a position and could be easily replaced.

Then Cruz was born.

And everything they say about becoming a mom is true. It rocked my world in every way possible. And I knew that I had to be somewhere that would help me value this little guy the same way I valued him. I just didn’t know how or where or who that would be and it really seemed like I would have to go back.

I spent all of my maternity leave, in-between feedings and diaper changes, sobbing and crying out to God about what the answer was. What should we do for our family? How are we going to provide? Who should I trust to watch him full time when I go back? I couldn’t believe that I was spending my maternity leave worrying about this. I thought I had had it figured out beforehand and found it extremely unfair to have been presented with this as I was about to pop. I felt robbed of the maternity leave that I had always dreamed of. While Cruz was my focus in those early weeks, I was focused more on how we were going to make this work. Jason finally sat me down near the end of my maternity leave, after watching the worry, the sobbing, the heartache, and told me that I need to stay home. We’d work it out. God would provide. We need to trust. It was obviously not right for me to go back and we both agreed that everything that had happened to me was a slammed door. I should stay home.

So my maternity leave ended and I did not go back. That was never my intention when I got pregnant, but God obviously had other plans for me. So I left my job. Most people thought I had ‘just decided to stay home’, which couldn’t have been a more wrong assumption. We still had no second income for me. I started my business as a Pampered Chef consultant and it actually was going well. I made money, I liked it, it was easy. It wasn’t my passion, but whatever. I was able to stay home with Cruz.

I don’t need to tell you in detail what happened next. Because what happened next was that Jason and I started our own photography business and it exploded. God has provided more than I could have imagined and I am more than able to stay home with all of our children now due to the success we are having. It took a few steps of faith, a huge leap and major sacrifice for a few months while we were figuring it out. I ate a lot of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for the first year of Cruz’s life. I  hadn’t shopped much for clothes. And my outings with other mommies were limited.

And it was more than worth it.

I’m not telling you this to brag. I am telling you this because I seriously (without exaggeration) have about 8 women in my life who have recently had babies and who are struggling with the same exact thing. They want to stay home desperately but don’t know how. They have to make a paycheck still and help provide financially. I get it. I have been there. Abandoning my job and hoping that something would work out was the scariest thing I have ever done in my entire life. And it was hard, requiring a lot of sacrifice. But I look back and I am so thankful that doors were slammed in my face while others were opened. Had that never happened, I’d still be working full time somewhere. I never would have ventured out to explore my true passion in this life.

I am a strong believer that if you want to stay home full time with your children, you should do it. It will be hard and scary and will require a lot of sacrifice. But you have options. I knew that those three options I was presented with were not my only options. I knew that I could be a full time stay at home/full time working mom. I knew that I could make it happen and I was on my knees about it for months. And that’s exactly what I am doing.

I can now say, that I am working harder than I have EVER worked in my whole life to try to balance it all. And on days when I feel like I am going crazy and want to cry, I remember that this is exactly what I wanted. This is exactly what I created. This is exactly where I am supposed to be. When I hear other mom’s talking about how they desperately want to stay home, I am always reminded that they CAN.

YOU CAN.

It’s not easy. It’s scary. And it’s possible.

* This is me on my due date, completely about to pop. I. Was. Huge.

scottsdale, baby!

Yes, we have reached a decision!

You might remember that Jason and I have been give two amazing opportunities. Two opportunities that are nothing alike and that are in two completely different states. Seattle, Washington and Scottsdale, Arizona. Coming to this decision has been a difficult process for us. We so desperately wanted to make the right decision for our family and we honestly could have seen ourselves in both places. But since we can only be in one place…

We have decided to stay in Arizona and Jason has accepted a position at Scottsdale Bible Church!!

We are so happy to have been able to finally come to this decision. I have loved the community at SBC for all of my life. It’s the church I grew up in and started attending when I was seven years old. I’ve been super involved there since I was a little girl- Sunday school, Awanas, Jr. High, High School, Choir Tour, volunteering in the nursery. My parents were apart of the Choir and Orchestra there- my mom is still in the orchestra there and loves it more than anything. There are so many more things that I’ve been apart of at this church. There is a community of people there that I have been craving for a long, long time. It’s a Biblically based, God-filled, financially responsible church that really, truly cares about people. There isn’t really any other place like it in the valley.

And it’s home for me.

When we were in Seattle, we really truly prayed for clarity in our decision. I wanted to get off the plane and ‘immediately know’. We even had people that were praying for us telling us that we would have a clear direction just by being in Seattle. And it’s weird- that honestly didn’t happen. While we were in Seattle, we fell in love with the city. There is no place like it! It’s such a beautiful and amazing place- we definitely could have seen ourselves living there. The community at the church we were considering was fantastic. Everyone we came into contact with was extraordinary. The church there was awesome and we could have seen ourselves there easily too.

The truth is, I really feel like I had the clarity I needed before I even left- and I didn’t even know it! Seeing Seattle and the church and meeting the people didn’t change the way I feel about Scottsdale Bible Church. This is a community that I am deeply in love with and it excites me to no end to be apart of it once again. And that is how I wanted to feel about Seattle in order for us to make a move 1,400 miles away. And there was nothing wrong with the Seattle opportunity. It would have been a great fit for us too!

Before the plane touched back down in Phoenix on our return, we knew where our hearts were. And we knew what God was telling us. Even though we couldn’t tell most of you right away. We were both bombarded with emails, texts, face book messages with all of our loving friends eagerly wanting to know where exactly it is that we were going to go. I apologize if I still haven’t gotten back to you. But we needed to wait to share until we respectively told both churches the decision that we had made.

So we are heading to Scottsdale to be apart of a very healthy, thriving community. A place where we can focus on what we love to do but most importantly- focus on people.

(And yes, we are moving there. No, I’m not sure when. And yes, we are still doing photography- even when we move. I will drive anywhere for my work and my art so please, please know that we are still very actively taking pictures in this state!)

We have been so blessed by God during these past months in our lives. He’s removed us from where we belonged no longer, He’s provided for us while we were waiting on Him, and He presented us with more than we could have ever hoped for with these two decisions. Two decisions that we truly feel He would have blessed us in either way. What freedom we have been given ever since October. I’m blown away by how much life has changed for us. I’m blown away with how we’ve been able (along with most of you) to physically watch the hand of God guide our steps. May I never forget at how He’s taken care of us. May I never doubt Him again whenever life seems like it doesn’t make sense. When I can’t see how He’ll provide, I pray that I will KNOW that He will.

All that I have learned I am grateful for. And I am thrilled for the future in a city that makes my heart beat like it hasn’t in a long time.

Thank you for praying for and encouraging us like you have! We’ve felt very surrounded and supported by so many of you and we can’t thank you enough!

feeling awful

So I’m not sure if my morning sickness decided to kick in turbo style or if I caught the slight bug that Cruz had, but I don’t remember the last time I felt this awful. I’m incredibly nauseous and have been all day long. My whole body hurts and I can’t lay down because I’m working full time and running after Cruz all day- although, I did lay down today because I really needed it. Phew. I’m wasn’t sure how people sustain pregnancies while having other children and now I know the answer.

You just survive.

I wouldn’t change it though. I am forever grateful that I have carried this baby for this long this far (10 weeks!). I feel blessed that everything is happy and healthy. So as horrid as I feel these days, I know it’s not in vain and I completely appreciate all the nausea and everything that comes with pregnancy. Because I know that it’s like to loose a baby, twice. I know that pain and the reality of it. When you go through that, it brings an entire different meaning to pregnancy and if I need to throw up every day until D-day, then so be it.

But along the way, it sure feels better to vent about it a little bit. I’ll spare you a picture of myself in this condition. So instead, here’s a happy picture of some Care Bears.

Hoping tomorrow is better!